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Here is the responsorial psalm from today's Mass.
R. Let all the earth cry out to God with joy.
Shout joyfully to God, all the earth,
sing praise to the glory of his name;
proclaim his glorious praise.
Say to God, “How tremendous are your deeds!”
R. Let all the earth cry out to God with joy.
“Let all on earth worship and sing praise to you,
sing praise to your name!”
Come and see the works of God,
his tremendous deeds among the children of Adam.
R. Let all the earth cry out to God with joy.
He has changed the sea into dry land;
through the river they passed on foot;
therefore let us rejoice in him.
He rules by his might forever.
R. Let all the earth cry out to God with joy.
Hear now, all you who fear God, while I declare
what he has done for me.
Blessed be God who refused me not
my prayer or his kindness!
R. Let all the earth cry out to God with joy.
+ + + + +
This seems like a psalm written just for me. Do you feel that way about the psalms sometimes? This particular one echoes what is always in my heart. My heart cries out to God with joy every minute. After all, it is an awesome God that I have! Can you imagine how beautiful the world would be if all the earth cried out to God with joy? And, we did it with great relish and loud proclamation?
An interesting phenomenon continues to happen over and over in my life. Something pops into my head upon which it seems I must act and, when I do, beautiful things come of it. I am convinced the Holy Spirit puts these things into my head as a way for me to be a conduit for others' happiness. Let me give some examples.
Sometimes, when I'd be in a counseling session with a client at the pregnancy center, I'd hear myself saying something that was exactly the thing to say that changed the client's mind about having an abortion. I'd be saying the words and wonder from where they were coming. Other counselors told me the same thing would happen to them, more than just an isolated incident or two. Later, the clients would bring their babies in for us to see and express their great joy at having had their children rather than aborting them.
One time, a friend asked me to be with her for a court hearing regarding custody of her son. Her husband and she were separated and she had gotten a temporary restraining order against him. As her lawyer explained, she had a choice to ask for the restraining order to continue (with supervised visitation) or she could drop it. I found myself telling her that she knew he wouldn't harm their son and the restraining order should be dropped. Now, I did not know her husband except through the things she'd told me about him. I was astounded by my "audacity" to say such a bold thing with so little to go on to make such a statement. I heard myself saying the words and wondering why I was saying them. As a result, she chose to drop the restraining order. The lawyer told us after the hearing was over that her husband visibly relaxed when he heard it would be dropped. My friend has told me over and over since then that moment was the beginning of them reconciling and working to repair their marriage. Three years later, it's stronger than it's ever been. She credits me. I say it wasn't me at all. It was the Holy Spirit working through me.
This past Friday, I was thinking about a very close friend of mine. In our last conversation a couple days earlier, she'd told me she was concerned about something regarding her work. Into my head came the thought that I MUST call her and tell her not to be afraid. I thought it was odd but I decided it couldn't hurt to say this to her. So, I called her and said, "I'm supposed to tell you 'Be not afraid'." When she responded, I could tell from her voice that something was not right. I kidded her, asking if she was still sleeping. (It was going toward noon!) She answered, no, she was working in her garden and crying. She said her beloved son was going to be going to Iraq on Saturday morning and she was beside herself with grief and worry. Little did I know! (He was originally supposed to have gone the week before. The fact that she didn't mention that he had gone should have been a clue to me but I thought that maybe she didn't want to talk about it.) She and I marveled at the message I'd been called to impart upon her. She told me how much she appreciated my call, that it had calmed her down. Clearly, THAT was the Holy Spirit!
I believe God was talking to me regarding expanding piano lessons the week I was fired, too. This week, I received a call from a piano teacher who lives nearby. She's going to Haiti in August to be a missionary and has 43 students who will need a teacher! I consider her call a blessing from God and affirmation that I DID hear Him correctly back then.
God is very intimately involved in my life these days. I'm beginning to see how vital it is to listen to the voice of the Holy Spirit within myself. I continue to pray for an open heart so that I will always hear what He has to say and do what needs to be done for others' welfare. It's very beautiful how all of us--God, me and everyone who comes into my life--are connected. We can be go-betweens for one another and God. I love that idea!
+ + + + +
For the sake of clarity, please note that I do not believe, in these situations, I was God's little automaton, a being without the ability to freely act. I believe the Holy Spirit inspired my thoughts and words. I chose freely to say and do what I did. In the case of my counseling, I always asked God to be with me, to give me the words to say that would make a difference in my clients' lives. There is a great beauty and practicality when one is involved in an intimate relationship with God.
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Sunday, May 22, 2011
a tad discombobulated
Jesus said, "Do not let your hearts be troubled." In today's Gospel according to St. John, he tells us to have faith in Him, that He is going to prepare a place for us in His Father's house. He tells us He is the way, the truth and the life.
These are very comforting words for me right now. This past week, my heart has indeed been troubled. I have been in the throes of grieving...being sad, being mad, feeling displaced. None of this seems productive and, if I spend too much time in these feelings, I start to feel desolate. Out of that comes a temptation to fall into despair. It's a downward spiral with no good outcome. Why should I feel alone when God is always with me? It's just such a human trait to feel this way after a traumatic event, isn't it?
I would like to challenge myself to something different. I must fix all my attention on God's goodness and all the blessings He bestows. I also want to acknowledge, once and for all, that the things that happen in my life, especially the challenging, difficult things, are really gifts. They are my tickets to get closer to God. He allows things to happen to me for good reason. I may not always understand while they're happening but I certainly can trust that good will come from them. Romans 8:28 declares, "We know that all things work for good for those who love God...". If this is true, and I have no reason to believe it isn't, then all I need is patience. In His own time, God will show me what He had in mind in the first place. I must trust Him. I must patiently trust Him with my very life, my entire life.
It seems like the easy times have not been nearly the opportunities in which to grow in faith as the traumatic times. This is why I thank God for the traumatic times. It is true that suffering can help me be closer to God.
Okay...no more pity parties for one here! God is watching over me and my heart need not be troubled.
Peace be with you, dear one!
These are very comforting words for me right now. This past week, my heart has indeed been troubled. I have been in the throes of grieving...being sad, being mad, feeling displaced. None of this seems productive and, if I spend too much time in these feelings, I start to feel desolate. Out of that comes a temptation to fall into despair. It's a downward spiral with no good outcome. Why should I feel alone when God is always with me? It's just such a human trait to feel this way after a traumatic event, isn't it?
I would like to challenge myself to something different. I must fix all my attention on God's goodness and all the blessings He bestows. I also want to acknowledge, once and for all, that the things that happen in my life, especially the challenging, difficult things, are really gifts. They are my tickets to get closer to God. He allows things to happen to me for good reason. I may not always understand while they're happening but I certainly can trust that good will come from them. Romans 8:28 declares, "We know that all things work for good for those who love God...". If this is true, and I have no reason to believe it isn't, then all I need is patience. In His own time, God will show me what He had in mind in the first place. I must trust Him. I must patiently trust Him with my very life, my entire life.
It seems like the easy times have not been nearly the opportunities in which to grow in faith as the traumatic times. This is why I thank God for the traumatic times. It is true that suffering can help me be closer to God.
Okay...no more pity parties for one here! God is watching over me and my heart need not be troubled.
Peace be with you, dear one!
Monday, May 16, 2011
yesterday's reading
1 Peter 2:20b-25
Beloved:
If you are patient when you suffer for doing what is good,
this is a grace before God.
For to this you have been called,
because Christ also suffered for you,
leaving you an example that you should follow in his footsteps.
He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth.
When he was insulted, he returned no insult;
when he suffered, he did not threaten;
instead, he handed himself over to the one who judges justly.
He himself bore our sins in his body upon the cross,
so that, free from sin, we might live for righteousness.
By his wounds you have been healed.
For you had gone astray like sheep,
but you have now returned to the shepherd and guardian of your souls.
+ + + + +
All the readings at Mass were thought-provoking yesterday but I have been contemplating this one most. Jesus committed not one sin because, being God, He was not capable of such a thing. He suffered unspeakable torture at the hands of others, yet He willingly bore it all because He knew He had to do it for all of us. I can't imagine what He suffered in the Garden of Gethsemane. He knew what lie ahead for Him. I think He gave us the ultimate example of saying "yes" to doing God's will in those moments.
Why is it so hard for us to say yes to God? Why do we always seem to want what WE want, not what God wants? Can't we figure out, once and for all, that what God wants is the very best for us and we should go with it? Sometimes, I wonder if we allow circumstances to get in the way of doing our best for God. Something painful happens, we get thrown for a loop, and there we are, off doing our own thing instead of seeking God in the situation. If we could only figure out that God is our solace, our peace, our deliverance from evil, our light, we'd be so much better off. OR everything is going along very well and we figure it's all because of what we're doing. We don't think much about God's place in our lives. What importance do we give God in our lives? Shouldn't we be praising Him ALL the time about everything that happens to us?
Let us pray for one another to do better for God. Let us praise Him with all our might, with every breath we take. Let us allow Him to be the fire within our hearts.
Beloved:
If you are patient when you suffer for doing what is good,
this is a grace before God.
For to this you have been called,
because Christ also suffered for you,
leaving you an example that you should follow in his footsteps.
He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth.
When he was insulted, he returned no insult;
when he suffered, he did not threaten;
instead, he handed himself over to the one who judges justly.
He himself bore our sins in his body upon the cross,
so that, free from sin, we might live for righteousness.
By his wounds you have been healed.
For you had gone astray like sheep,
but you have now returned to the shepherd and guardian of your souls.
+ + + + +
All the readings at Mass were thought-provoking yesterday but I have been contemplating this one most. Jesus committed not one sin because, being God, He was not capable of such a thing. He suffered unspeakable torture at the hands of others, yet He willingly bore it all because He knew He had to do it for all of us. I can't imagine what He suffered in the Garden of Gethsemane. He knew what lie ahead for Him. I think He gave us the ultimate example of saying "yes" to doing God's will in those moments.
Why is it so hard for us to say yes to God? Why do we always seem to want what WE want, not what God wants? Can't we figure out, once and for all, that what God wants is the very best for us and we should go with it? Sometimes, I wonder if we allow circumstances to get in the way of doing our best for God. Something painful happens, we get thrown for a loop, and there we are, off doing our own thing instead of seeking God in the situation. If we could only figure out that God is our solace, our peace, our deliverance from evil, our light, we'd be so much better off. OR everything is going along very well and we figure it's all because of what we're doing. We don't think much about God's place in our lives. What importance do we give God in our lives? Shouldn't we be praising Him ALL the time about everything that happens to us?
Let us pray for one another to do better for God. Let us praise Him with all our might, with every breath we take. Let us allow Him to be the fire within our hearts.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
celebrating motherhood
Today, Mother's Day, is a day to reflect on one of the most beautiful gifts of my life: motherhood. Let me introduce you to my children and what they have meant to me.
Brendan, my firstborn, was a scrapper right from the beginning, all 7 pounds 6 ounces of himself! He was the king of temper tantrums but, in the end, always, eventually, obeyed. As he outgrew the colossal tantrums, he found other outlets for frustration. He'd break pencils, for one. I'd find them all over the house. At least it was a quiet outlet! Then, he took up the trumpet and became quite proficient at it, playing in his school's jazz band. He's always been one who wants to figure things out for himself. He always had a purpose. I'll never forget, driving along when he was in 7th or 8th grade, he told me that, if he could work with computers the rest of his life, he would live a happy life. When it was time to go to college, he researched extensively and discovered that one of the best computer engineering programs was right in his back yard: the University of MN. So, off he went...and then figured out how to become a teaching assistant for grad school (tuition/living stipend paid!) to get his masters in electrical engineering. Guess what? He's now working with computers! He's even got a patent for one of his electrical engineering inventions. (Don't ask me what he does. My eyes glaze over whenever he tries to tell me. It's all Greek to me!) Along the way, he discovered the wonder of women. As he tells it, there was one Catholic woman majoring in electrical engineering and he was lucky enough to find her! Wendy and he have been married for 7 years and are the parents of my precious grandchildren. He has grown to be a thoughtful, kind man who takes his responsibilities very seriously.
Brian was a quiet, content baby at first. He weighed in at 10 pounds 2 ounces. As he grew, I discovered he hated to be put down. So, he'd accompany me everywhere, hanging from my hip! When he was 3, he was diagnosed with tactile defensiveness, which explained his earlier reluctance to explore his world on his hands and knees. Because of the diagnosis, that summer we explored many parks all over the Twin Cities, put bubbles in the kiddie pool and the Squeezy Monster came to our house. (I was told he needed all different kinds of tactile experiences, most especially being touched with firmness.) Soon, he was romping with the best of them. He was very shy, never wanting to leave the comfort of home. Each move (from Minneapolis to Kansas City to Elkhorn, WI to St. Paul) forced him out of his shell and was a challenge for him. He persevered through them all. In his early adult years, he decided to see the world. Apparently, he felt I'd sheltered him too much when he announced that he was going to England on a tour with: "And you aren't going to stop me, Mom." I assured him I had no intention of doing such a thing and I, in fact, loved the idea (even though I was quaking in my boots at the very thought of it!). This proclamation became his personal declaration of independence. Next, he traveled to Ireland with a tour. Then, he visited Denmark and his cousin who was stationed there for a year. During THAT trip, he researched online and figured out how to go to Germany and found a hotel and off he went. After that, he went on his own for two weeks to Ireland, neglecting one little detail when he informed his mother of it: he was going to WALK everywhere. When he got back and told me what he'd done, I expressed my appreciation of NOT knowing ahead of time because I may not have slept while he was gone. He replied that the people in Ireland were the friendliest, most hospitable people he's ever seen. He said all one has to do is open a map and 10 people come, asking if they can help. He said he only got lost once...walking out of the airport, it took him 8 hours to find his hotel, instead of the 3 he'd planned. He's been to Egypt with his father (whose lifelong dream it had been to go there). Yes, he has developed a wanderlust spirit and the courage to venture forth. When I lost my job, he gave me more money for rent than required because he wanted to help me out. (He lives in my basement and helps with outside chores.) It warmed my heart. He has grown to be a kind, interesting person.
Evan was "Mr. Sunshine" from the moment he was born. He rarely cried. I don't think he ever threw a tantrum. He was always happy. One funny story I have is when he was 2 and a half. He was supposed to be napping but had decided instead to get his dad's big, thick black magic marker and decorate himself, his sheets, his rug and his wall. When I went to check on him, he was more black than white. I put him in the tub, starting to scrub him. I stopped because I realized, being as irritated as I was, I might scrub too hard. I made him soak. How I wish now that I'd taken a picture AND that I'd laughed instead of being mad at him! Everything comes easy for Evan. His grades, his work, his life...We used to say he was born under a lucky star. Oh, yes...he weighed 8 pounds 15 ounces. He calls me "Mama" in that sweet way he has. He, too, is an electrical engineer and has a patent in his work. He recently bought a home to call his own. He is quite content in his life. I knew he would be...and I know he will continue to be. That's Evan, a gentle sweet young man!
When Meghan was born, I didn't believe she was a girl. I said, "I don't believe it; let me see!" After having three boys, was I really going to believe it without seeing with my very own eyes??? She weighed in at 10 pounds 6 ounces and developed jaundice within a few days. We were allowed to keep her at home with a portable lights unit. She hated it when we had to put the mask over her eyes. Otherwise, she grew up healthy and was a fairly easy-going baby, too. As the only daughter AND the youngest, she was destined to be a pampered little princess. The only thing was she did NOT want to be pampered. She rough-housed with the boys, playing all their games, hating dolls (MUCH to her mother's chagrin!). And, with four children 5 and half years old and under, I didn't have a lot of time to pamper anyone. She grew up very independent. However, she and I still have our traditions, just the two of us. She has a compassionate heart and an open to life spirit.
I have loved being a mother. When my children were born and we were finally alone, just the two of us, I would tell them all the things I hoped I could give them as their mother. I always sang lullabies to them, too. From the very beginning, they were their own unique persons. It was so much fun, watching them grow to be who they are today. I most especially appreciate that, now as adults, they have become my friends. Essentially, my hands on mothering days are over. We have moved on to helping one another through friendship and mutual love of one another.
Today, I have been thinking also about little Joseph's mother and Terri Schiavo's mother. Little Joseph is alive and being loved in his own home with his family around him. Had it not been for the intervention of many people (prayers included), he would have died in a cold hospital a couple months ago. (See March 1st blog entry.) I love that his mother has him with her today and will have him until the time comes for him to die naturally. God is in charge now! And, the sadness I continue to feel for Mary Schindler can be overpowering at times. Her daughter was wrenched from her arms (literally and figuratively) and forced to starve to death. The only consolation is in the confidence that she is in heaven, free from all pain and suffering. Terri may have been taken from her far too early but she is still her mother. I know from the experience of watching my mother after my sister died, the pain will last a lifetime but the hope that they will be together one day in heaven will also remain. Becoming a mother is all about hope; hope for our children, hope that we will grow in love as we set about raising them and hope for all of us to be in heaven one day.
May God bless all mothers!
Brendan, my firstborn, was a scrapper right from the beginning, all 7 pounds 6 ounces of himself! He was the king of temper tantrums but, in the end, always, eventually, obeyed. As he outgrew the colossal tantrums, he found other outlets for frustration. He'd break pencils, for one. I'd find them all over the house. At least it was a quiet outlet! Then, he took up the trumpet and became quite proficient at it, playing in his school's jazz band. He's always been one who wants to figure things out for himself. He always had a purpose. I'll never forget, driving along when he was in 7th or 8th grade, he told me that, if he could work with computers the rest of his life, he would live a happy life. When it was time to go to college, he researched extensively and discovered that one of the best computer engineering programs was right in his back yard: the University of MN. So, off he went...and then figured out how to become a teaching assistant for grad school (tuition/living stipend paid!) to get his masters in electrical engineering. Guess what? He's now working with computers! He's even got a patent for one of his electrical engineering inventions. (Don't ask me what he does. My eyes glaze over whenever he tries to tell me. It's all Greek to me!) Along the way, he discovered the wonder of women. As he tells it, there was one Catholic woman majoring in electrical engineering and he was lucky enough to find her! Wendy and he have been married for 7 years and are the parents of my precious grandchildren. He has grown to be a thoughtful, kind man who takes his responsibilities very seriously.
Brian was a quiet, content baby at first. He weighed in at 10 pounds 2 ounces. As he grew, I discovered he hated to be put down. So, he'd accompany me everywhere, hanging from my hip! When he was 3, he was diagnosed with tactile defensiveness, which explained his earlier reluctance to explore his world on his hands and knees. Because of the diagnosis, that summer we explored many parks all over the Twin Cities, put bubbles in the kiddie pool and the Squeezy Monster came to our house. (I was told he needed all different kinds of tactile experiences, most especially being touched with firmness.) Soon, he was romping with the best of them. He was very shy, never wanting to leave the comfort of home. Each move (from Minneapolis to Kansas City to Elkhorn, WI to St. Paul) forced him out of his shell and was a challenge for him. He persevered through them all. In his early adult years, he decided to see the world. Apparently, he felt I'd sheltered him too much when he announced that he was going to England on a tour with: "And you aren't going to stop me, Mom." I assured him I had no intention of doing such a thing and I, in fact, loved the idea (even though I was quaking in my boots at the very thought of it!). This proclamation became his personal declaration of independence. Next, he traveled to Ireland with a tour. Then, he visited Denmark and his cousin who was stationed there for a year. During THAT trip, he researched online and figured out how to go to Germany and found a hotel and off he went. After that, he went on his own for two weeks to Ireland, neglecting one little detail when he informed his mother of it: he was going to WALK everywhere. When he got back and told me what he'd done, I expressed my appreciation of NOT knowing ahead of time because I may not have slept while he was gone. He replied that the people in Ireland were the friendliest, most hospitable people he's ever seen. He said all one has to do is open a map and 10 people come, asking if they can help. He said he only got lost once...walking out of the airport, it took him 8 hours to find his hotel, instead of the 3 he'd planned. He's been to Egypt with his father (whose lifelong dream it had been to go there). Yes, he has developed a wanderlust spirit and the courage to venture forth. When I lost my job, he gave me more money for rent than required because he wanted to help me out. (He lives in my basement and helps with outside chores.) It warmed my heart. He has grown to be a kind, interesting person.
Evan was "Mr. Sunshine" from the moment he was born. He rarely cried. I don't think he ever threw a tantrum. He was always happy. One funny story I have is when he was 2 and a half. He was supposed to be napping but had decided instead to get his dad's big, thick black magic marker and decorate himself, his sheets, his rug and his wall. When I went to check on him, he was more black than white. I put him in the tub, starting to scrub him. I stopped because I realized, being as irritated as I was, I might scrub too hard. I made him soak. How I wish now that I'd taken a picture AND that I'd laughed instead of being mad at him! Everything comes easy for Evan. His grades, his work, his life...We used to say he was born under a lucky star. Oh, yes...he weighed 8 pounds 15 ounces. He calls me "Mama" in that sweet way he has. He, too, is an electrical engineer and has a patent in his work. He recently bought a home to call his own. He is quite content in his life. I knew he would be...and I know he will continue to be. That's Evan, a gentle sweet young man!
When Meghan was born, I didn't believe she was a girl. I said, "I don't believe it; let me see!" After having three boys, was I really going to believe it without seeing with my very own eyes??? She weighed in at 10 pounds 6 ounces and developed jaundice within a few days. We were allowed to keep her at home with a portable lights unit. She hated it when we had to put the mask over her eyes. Otherwise, she grew up healthy and was a fairly easy-going baby, too. As the only daughter AND the youngest, she was destined to be a pampered little princess. The only thing was she did NOT want to be pampered. She rough-housed with the boys, playing all their games, hating dolls (MUCH to her mother's chagrin!). And, with four children 5 and half years old and under, I didn't have a lot of time to pamper anyone. She grew up very independent. However, she and I still have our traditions, just the two of us. She has a compassionate heart and an open to life spirit.
I have loved being a mother. When my children were born and we were finally alone, just the two of us, I would tell them all the things I hoped I could give them as their mother. I always sang lullabies to them, too. From the very beginning, they were their own unique persons. It was so much fun, watching them grow to be who they are today. I most especially appreciate that, now as adults, they have become my friends. Essentially, my hands on mothering days are over. We have moved on to helping one another through friendship and mutual love of one another.
Today, I have been thinking also about little Joseph's mother and Terri Schiavo's mother. Little Joseph is alive and being loved in his own home with his family around him. Had it not been for the intervention of many people (prayers included), he would have died in a cold hospital a couple months ago. (See March 1st blog entry.) I love that his mother has him with her today and will have him until the time comes for him to die naturally. God is in charge now! And, the sadness I continue to feel for Mary Schindler can be overpowering at times. Her daughter was wrenched from her arms (literally and figuratively) and forced to starve to death. The only consolation is in the confidence that she is in heaven, free from all pain and suffering. Terri may have been taken from her far too early but she is still her mother. I know from the experience of watching my mother after my sister died, the pain will last a lifetime but the hope that they will be together one day in heaven will also remain. Becoming a mother is all about hope; hope for our children, hope that we will grow in love as we set about raising them and hope for all of us to be in heaven one day.
May God bless all mothers!
Monday, May 2, 2011
experiencing the Trinity
This is an addendum of sorts to yesterday's entry...
One thing of which I have been keenly aware lately is how the Holy Trinity has been ever present to me in my current situation. It's been a very powerful awareness for me because it brings with it an intense gratitude deep in my being. God is opening my eyes to see with new sight. Previously, I was not nearly as aware of the magnitude of God's power in my life. Remember, God is only good; He only does good, so this power is a force that breathes life deep down into my soul and has only positive reverberations there.
I believe God the Father allowed the termination to happen so that much good could come out of it, certainly for me and my quest for sainthood and most likely for many others who were involved and those who know my story and who care about me. Good has resulted in many, many ways. I know that He didn't orchestrate it but He continues to use the event and its aftermath as an opportunity for me to have a closer and closer relationship with Him.
From the beginning, I sought to align my suffering with Jesus' passion. I have spent hours contemplating His suffering, sobbing over how I, myself, caused it and recognizing that my own suffering is nothing compared to His, even though it has been painful. Knowing He understood my pain brought solace to me. Being able to offer my small sufferings as a gift to Him brought great joy to me. From now on, whenever anything that seems bad happens to me, all I will have to do is remember what my dear Lord suffered for me and pledge to find the good in the situation before me because, with God, there's always good to be found!
It's been the Holy Spirit who has been working on me the most, or so it would seem. Peace, joy and love have been much in evidence throughout this time. It would appear that the Holy Spirit has been offering me the gifts of wisdom, fortitude, understanding, piety, counsel, knowledge and fear of the Lord. I'm not the best at receiving these gifts yet but I know, without doubt, that I am being given opportunity to receive them. It is a great honor, to say the least, to experience the Holy Spirit working in my life.
I once thought that, whenever I considered the Trinity, I was closest to the Holy Spirit. This time in my life has been a time of growing closer to all three. It's a little sobering to think that they've all been waiting for me to become this aware of their presence in my life. After all, they've been here all the time.
What a blessing!
One thing of which I have been keenly aware lately is how the Holy Trinity has been ever present to me in my current situation. It's been a very powerful awareness for me because it brings with it an intense gratitude deep in my being. God is opening my eyes to see with new sight. Previously, I was not nearly as aware of the magnitude of God's power in my life. Remember, God is only good; He only does good, so this power is a force that breathes life deep down into my soul and has only positive reverberations there.
I believe God the Father allowed the termination to happen so that much good could come out of it, certainly for me and my quest for sainthood and most likely for many others who were involved and those who know my story and who care about me. Good has resulted in many, many ways. I know that He didn't orchestrate it but He continues to use the event and its aftermath as an opportunity for me to have a closer and closer relationship with Him.
From the beginning, I sought to align my suffering with Jesus' passion. I have spent hours contemplating His suffering, sobbing over how I, myself, caused it and recognizing that my own suffering is nothing compared to His, even though it has been painful. Knowing He understood my pain brought solace to me. Being able to offer my small sufferings as a gift to Him brought great joy to me. From now on, whenever anything that seems bad happens to me, all I will have to do is remember what my dear Lord suffered for me and pledge to find the good in the situation before me because, with God, there's always good to be found!
It's been the Holy Spirit who has been working on me the most, or so it would seem. Peace, joy and love have been much in evidence throughout this time. It would appear that the Holy Spirit has been offering me the gifts of wisdom, fortitude, understanding, piety, counsel, knowledge and fear of the Lord. I'm not the best at receiving these gifts yet but I know, without doubt, that I am being given opportunity to receive them. It is a great honor, to say the least, to experience the Holy Spirit working in my life.
I once thought that, whenever I considered the Trinity, I was closest to the Holy Spirit. This time in my life has been a time of growing closer to all three. It's a little sobering to think that they've all been waiting for me to become this aware of their presence in my life. After all, they've been here all the time.
What a blessing!
Sunday, May 1, 2011
a little bit of heaven
This morning, I was thinking about the huge blessing I received when my employment at the pregnancy center was terminated in January. It was something I hadn't really considered in quite this way previously.
Since being fired, I have experienced in a small, worldly way, death and resurrection. I wonder if it is an imperfect foreshadowing of what lies ahead in my "for real" death and eternal life. At any rate, it seems to be a taste of death and renewed life.
Things stopped for me at the pregnancy center the day I walked out the door for the last time. It was a death for me. It was also a springboard into a new beginning, a new life, going toward something completely different and beautiful. I imagine it will be that way in death. My earthly life will stop as I know it but I will be going toward something exquisitely beautiful, at least that is my hope.
When I had to say goodbye to my old life, opportunities came along to say hello to something new. I have met lovely people in my new life, just as I will in heaven, assuming I get there one day. Heaven's communion of saints and angels will all be there. I have found peace, joy and love in ways I'd never experienced before this. Imagine the peace, joy and love to be had in heaven! I have been given opportunities to share the musical talents God gave me in a more profound way and to teach others to praise Him through music. I have a very strong feeling there is a LOT of music in heaven. And, if there is and if I am there one day, you can be sure I'll be participating! To praise God continuously through music IS heaven, or so it seems to me.
Isn't it awesome how God continues to show us the way to Him?
Since being fired, I have experienced in a small, worldly way, death and resurrection. I wonder if it is an imperfect foreshadowing of what lies ahead in my "for real" death and eternal life. At any rate, it seems to be a taste of death and renewed life.
Things stopped for me at the pregnancy center the day I walked out the door for the last time. It was a death for me. It was also a springboard into a new beginning, a new life, going toward something completely different and beautiful. I imagine it will be that way in death. My earthly life will stop as I know it but I will be going toward something exquisitely beautiful, at least that is my hope.
When I had to say goodbye to my old life, opportunities came along to say hello to something new. I have met lovely people in my new life, just as I will in heaven, assuming I get there one day. Heaven's communion of saints and angels will all be there. I have found peace, joy and love in ways I'd never experienced before this. Imagine the peace, joy and love to be had in heaven! I have been given opportunities to share the musical talents God gave me in a more profound way and to teach others to praise Him through music. I have a very strong feeling there is a LOT of music in heaven. And, if there is and if I am there one day, you can be sure I'll be participating! To praise God continuously through music IS heaven, or so it seems to me.
Isn't it awesome how God continues to show us the way to Him?
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