Posts
Happy Easter, dear reader! This has been one glorious day weather-wise here in Minnesota. Spring has come, seeming to remind us that our Lord has risen. Alleluia, alleluia!
Psalm 118:1, 24: "Give thanks to the Lord, who is good, whose love endures forever...This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice in it and be glad." What better words to hear on, this, the most holy day of the liturgical year!
I was given an insight today. I went to see the movie "Of Gods and Men". The true story is about Trappist monks living in Algeria in the 1990's when unrest took place and civil war broke out. Throughout the movie, they were debating whether or not to stay or go back to France, from where they'd originally come. Ultimately, they faced their fears, their doubts, their misgivings and decided to stay. Eventually, they were kidnapped and murdered.
While watching the movie, I found myself relating to the monks. I realized that all the experiences of my life have led me to a profound understanding that my life, like the monks', is not my own. I don't mean this in an out-of-control victim kind of way. I am talking about my profession of faith prayer that I say each morning to do God's will that day. I long to do God's will. And, like the monks, I realize that a declaration of my Christian faith could lead to bad things for me (as well as good things, too!) in this world. Standing up for my faith, resisting temptation to sin in order to save something in this world that I hold dear, acting in ways to help others get closer to heaven have all cost me dearly...these are what it means to lose one's life--working God's plan, not mine, for my life. Matthew 10:39: "Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." I never understood that passage until now.
My heart's desire is to do what God wants of me. I know that doing what He asks of me will help me get closer to sainthood and it will also lead others to sainthood. I must "lose" my temporal life in order to find my eternal life. No matter what happens, God is with me. The trials and sufferings are blessings because they are opportunities to grow closer to God and to His kingdom.
The other day, a dear friend chastised me for something she thought I'd done. While what I did was not a sin (which we both figured out later), what I did do was tempt others to sin. I didn't realize until my friend spoke up that that was what I'd really done. I'd tempted people to sin by speaking about my feelings about someone who had hurt me, which led people who care about me to defend me by insulting the other person. And, my part in this was a sin. Well, to clarify, it wasn't a sin when I did it because I was oblivious to it being a sin but, now that I know it's a sin, it will be a sin from now on if I do it again.
I think I've been doing this sort of thing a lot. Now that I'm aware of it, I can do something different. I was horrified that my words could lead others to sin. I'd never really considered that before. I was so glad my friend pointed this out to me! That is true love and works of mercy: admonishing the sinner and instructing the ignorant. I am very blessed to have her loving friendship. She is helping me with my quest for sainthood.
So, I look back on this year's Lent, Triduum, Easter Sunday as a time of grace. I emerge from these days with renewed conviction to do as our Lord asks, to love Him more every day. God has certainly been nudging me in beautiful, holy ways! His love endures forever. Let us rejoice and be glad!
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Saturday, April 16, 2011
a gift and a sorrow
I received a beautiful gift this week. I met with my successor at the pregnancy center. Our time together was filled with God's presence. She was so gracious and kind! One thing she said to me was, in her new position as executive director, she wanted to beg my forgiveness for the terrible injustice (being fired) that had been done to me. She started to cry as she said it. I told her she didn't have to do that as she hadn't been involved with any of it but she insisted. I was so touched! After our meeting, I had no doubt that she was the perfect person for the job. She has vast experience and she has a heart for the ministry.
She asked if we could co-author a newsletter article on my departure and her arrival. She asked that I pray about it. I told her I didn't need to pray about it because I thought writing the article together was an inspired idea. It would help me to say goodbye (and I knew I could now do it without animosity) but, more importantly, it would help donors understand what had happened. If we didn't write it, they'd be wondering who she was and where I went. It could help stem any gossip or conjecture still out there in the community about my departure.
When she asked the board president if we could do this, he denied permission without even reading what we'd written. (I hadn't sent her my part yet.) What was that about? Was he trying to silence me? What did he fear would happen? Didn't he know that he'd have editorial control over anything I wrote? I believe the article would have helped the center by answering donors' questions about the situation. I was willing to help in this way and I was saddened by his reaction.
I want to share with you what we wrote. I think it turned out nicely! Of course, that may be because nice things were said about me. Ha!
I have taken out her name and the center's name to protect identities.
+ + + + +
The very first time I met Joanne I fell in love with her heart. I had come to the center to gather the final details necessary to add them to the Infoline Services my center was able to provide through our Positive Alternatives Grant. In my position there as Director of Client Services and Outreach, I worked with other centers to provide after-hour and weekend phone coverage.
Joanne’s passion for providing a safe place for women struggling with unplanned pregnancies was apparent within the first few minutes we spent together. Her joy and warmth made me instantly feel welcome, much as I’m sure it did for every woman who walked through the doors of the center. Her gentle mother’s heart and love for the Lord created an instant bond between us. Little did I know that two years later I would be privileged and challenged to follow in her giant footsteps.
Name Withheld
The very first time I met "N" I felt an instant kinship with her. I knew right away we were sisters through our faith and in the fight for little lives. Her gentle and compassionate spirit will go a long way in her new position. I know, with her many gifts and talents, she will be a great asset to the center!
I was blessed to have been the executive director of the center for 13 years. It was an opportunity to help women understand how precious their children truly are. To be at the helm of the center as the parenting education and ultrasound programs began and then flourished and more and more clients came for help was a special privilege for me. These days, God is calling me to a different ministry, one in which I can praise Him and encourage others to praise Him in a more profound way through music. While I go forward, I look back with great fondness for the clients, the donors, volunteers and staff members who helped me become closer to God by sharing their lives with me.
Joanne
As we move forward into this new season we build on the beautiful foundations of faith and love Joanne has left for us. A foundation firmly set on the sanctity of human life and the mandate to stand in the gap for every unborn child. To love both mother and child. To share the truth in love and reach out with loving arms that invite her to choose life.
+ + + + +
What a blessing it was to read her words! I feel very privileged to know her. It will be fun to see her in action.
She asked if we could co-author a newsletter article on my departure and her arrival. She asked that I pray about it. I told her I didn't need to pray about it because I thought writing the article together was an inspired idea. It would help me to say goodbye (and I knew I could now do it without animosity) but, more importantly, it would help donors understand what had happened. If we didn't write it, they'd be wondering who she was and where I went. It could help stem any gossip or conjecture still out there in the community about my departure.
When she asked the board president if we could do this, he denied permission without even reading what we'd written. (I hadn't sent her my part yet.) What was that about? Was he trying to silence me? What did he fear would happen? Didn't he know that he'd have editorial control over anything I wrote? I believe the article would have helped the center by answering donors' questions about the situation. I was willing to help in this way and I was saddened by his reaction.
I want to share with you what we wrote. I think it turned out nicely! Of course, that may be because nice things were said about me. Ha!
I have taken out her name and the center's name to protect identities.
+ + + + +
The very first time I met Joanne I fell in love with her heart. I had come to the center to gather the final details necessary to add them to the Infoline Services my center was able to provide through our Positive Alternatives Grant. In my position there as Director of Client Services and Outreach, I worked with other centers to provide after-hour and weekend phone coverage.
Joanne’s passion for providing a safe place for women struggling with unplanned pregnancies was apparent within the first few minutes we spent together. Her joy and warmth made me instantly feel welcome, much as I’m sure it did for every woman who walked through the doors of the center. Her gentle mother’s heart and love for the Lord created an instant bond between us. Little did I know that two years later I would be privileged and challenged to follow in her giant footsteps.
Name Withheld
The very first time I met "N" I felt an instant kinship with her. I knew right away we were sisters through our faith and in the fight for little lives. Her gentle and compassionate spirit will go a long way in her new position. I know, with her many gifts and talents, she will be a great asset to the center!
I was blessed to have been the executive director of the center for 13 years. It was an opportunity to help women understand how precious their children truly are. To be at the helm of the center as the parenting education and ultrasound programs began and then flourished and more and more clients came for help was a special privilege for me. These days, God is calling me to a different ministry, one in which I can praise Him and encourage others to praise Him in a more profound way through music. While I go forward, I look back with great fondness for the clients, the donors, volunteers and staff members who helped me become closer to God by sharing their lives with me.
Joanne
As we move forward into this new season we build on the beautiful foundations of faith and love Joanne has left for us. A foundation firmly set on the sanctity of human life and the mandate to stand in the gap for every unborn child. To love both mother and child. To share the truth in love and reach out with loving arms that invite her to choose life.
+ + + + +
What a blessing it was to read her words! I feel very privileged to know her. It will be fun to see her in action.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
an assessment
This past week I went on a three day retreat (not nearly enough time, by the way). I had two goals going into it: to take an inventory of all the blessings and lessons I've had in the past two and a half months and to write a letter to the board of directors who fired me. I knew that the list would be long and beautiful. I also knew that I probably wouldn't send the letter.
In the course of writing the letter, I discovered that I still have some hurts that have yet to be healed. I also discovered that, while I really wanted to forgive, I was having a difficult time actually doing it. I have more work to do in this area of my life. One day, I hope to be able to honestly forgive them and to ask their forgiveness of me. I don't think it's the time yet.
As for the inventory, I wrote and wrote and wrote, not stopping until I'd reached 24 points and I don't think I'm done yet. It was a lovely exercise for me because it was easy to see how the Holy Spirit has been at my side the entire time, watching over me with great care.
Here's my list of blessings and lessons, thus far:
1. God is always here, protecting, guiding, loving, blessing me.
2. "Be not afraid." (Also Matt 17:14-21--faith can move mountains) It's fruitless to worry about anything. God always sees to it that we have what we need. Matt 6: "Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be given to you besides. Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself. Sufficient for a day is its own evil."
3. Matt 5:10 "Blessed are they who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." When I didn't sign the document that accused me of something I hadn't done, stating that I agreed I had done it, I was fired. That was persecution for the sake of righteousness (the truth). As I thought about this, I felt so very close to our Lord who was persecuted for the sake of righteousness in a much, much bigger way than I. It gave me comfort to hope that, one day, I'll be in heaven with Him.
4. Luke 6:27 "Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you." Amen...and I am trying to do these things.
5. The idea of being light to the world. This time in my life can be a teaching moment to people around me. First, though, it must be a learning period for me!
6. This appears to be a call to a new ministry--or at least an expansion of ministry: teaching children how to praise God through music in a more deliberate way.
7. Opportunity: which way to respond...with anger or resentment or look for the blessings in the situation?
8. Time of transformation, God's invitation to be renewed, to be more than I am, to love Him, others and myself more fully.
9. Willingness to be open to receiving the grace to have the ability to forgive.
10. "Never waste a good crisis." Words from Fr. Jim at the retreat. Crises are wondrous opportunities to love God, to grow closer to Him, to trust Him, to look for the joy, to experience God's peace in a more profound way than when things are going along swimmingly. Never waste a good crisis by crumpling under its weight.
11. There is much strength to be found in the sacraments. The Holy Eucharist is the most precious gift anyone can receive in this life. How could I ever take this gift for granted or become blase' about it?
12. Some events in life call for courage!
13. Many lessons in patience.
14. Judging from all the phone calls, letters, cards, emails, visits, food (!), prayers, I know that many people care about me. I also know the saints and angels are interceding for me.
15. Never underestimate the power of God!
16. Love with all your might, especially during times of what look like trials. (They really aren't; they're opportunities to grow in faith.) Loving others helps avoid self-focus.
17. I have met more awesome, holy people as a result of this event in my life.
18. I more deeply appreciate God's mercy, God's love, God's presence in my life, others' care for me and the definition of ministry (to make a difference in someone's life). I can minister anywhere I am and I can echo all of these out in the world.
19. Humility and pride are now easier to define in my life. This does not mean they are easier to take on or discard accordingly, but I do have more insight and more willingness to look at them internally.
20. I am more fully alive through my senses, through quiet times, through my prayer life. Praising God is the single most important thing I can do.
21. I have experienced the goodness and generosity of others in beautiful ways.
22. Lesson learned: give more generously during times of uncertainty.
23. God gives us the courage we need to traverse through dark days and He never leaves us during those times.
24. One's job isn't everything. I have learned not to define myself by such temporal ways as jobs I do or things I have. I can define myself by one simple fact: I am a child of God. I'm a human being, not a human doing!
To be continued...
In the course of writing the letter, I discovered that I still have some hurts that have yet to be healed. I also discovered that, while I really wanted to forgive, I was having a difficult time actually doing it. I have more work to do in this area of my life. One day, I hope to be able to honestly forgive them and to ask their forgiveness of me. I don't think it's the time yet.
As for the inventory, I wrote and wrote and wrote, not stopping until I'd reached 24 points and I don't think I'm done yet. It was a lovely exercise for me because it was easy to see how the Holy Spirit has been at my side the entire time, watching over me with great care.
Here's my list of blessings and lessons, thus far:
1. God is always here, protecting, guiding, loving, blessing me.
2. "Be not afraid." (Also Matt 17:14-21--faith can move mountains) It's fruitless to worry about anything. God always sees to it that we have what we need. Matt 6: "Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be given to you besides. Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself. Sufficient for a day is its own evil."
3. Matt 5:10 "Blessed are they who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." When I didn't sign the document that accused me of something I hadn't done, stating that I agreed I had done it, I was fired. That was persecution for the sake of righteousness (the truth). As I thought about this, I felt so very close to our Lord who was persecuted for the sake of righteousness in a much, much bigger way than I. It gave me comfort to hope that, one day, I'll be in heaven with Him.
4. Luke 6:27 "Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you." Amen...and I am trying to do these things.
5. The idea of being light to the world. This time in my life can be a teaching moment to people around me. First, though, it must be a learning period for me!
6. This appears to be a call to a new ministry--or at least an expansion of ministry: teaching children how to praise God through music in a more deliberate way.
7. Opportunity: which way to respond...with anger or resentment or look for the blessings in the situation?
8. Time of transformation, God's invitation to be renewed, to be more than I am, to love Him, others and myself more fully.
9. Willingness to be open to receiving the grace to have the ability to forgive.
10. "Never waste a good crisis." Words from Fr. Jim at the retreat. Crises are wondrous opportunities to love God, to grow closer to Him, to trust Him, to look for the joy, to experience God's peace in a more profound way than when things are going along swimmingly. Never waste a good crisis by crumpling under its weight.
11. There is much strength to be found in the sacraments. The Holy Eucharist is the most precious gift anyone can receive in this life. How could I ever take this gift for granted or become blase' about it?
12. Some events in life call for courage!
13. Many lessons in patience.
14. Judging from all the phone calls, letters, cards, emails, visits, food (!), prayers, I know that many people care about me. I also know the saints and angels are interceding for me.
15. Never underestimate the power of God!
16. Love with all your might, especially during times of what look like trials. (They really aren't; they're opportunities to grow in faith.) Loving others helps avoid self-focus.
17. I have met more awesome, holy people as a result of this event in my life.
18. I more deeply appreciate God's mercy, God's love, God's presence in my life, others' care for me and the definition of ministry (to make a difference in someone's life). I can minister anywhere I am and I can echo all of these out in the world.
19. Humility and pride are now easier to define in my life. This does not mean they are easier to take on or discard accordingly, but I do have more insight and more willingness to look at them internally.
20. I am more fully alive through my senses, through quiet times, through my prayer life. Praising God is the single most important thing I can do.
21. I have experienced the goodness and generosity of others in beautiful ways.
22. Lesson learned: give more generously during times of uncertainty.
23. God gives us the courage we need to traverse through dark days and He never leaves us during those times.
24. One's job isn't everything. I have learned not to define myself by such temporal ways as jobs I do or things I have. I can define myself by one simple fact: I am a child of God. I'm a human being, not a human doing!
To be continued...
Sunday, April 3, 2011
more goodbyes
2011 is proving to be a year of many endings and goodbyes for me. I was told this past week that the Sisters would be moving the end of April. For many years, they have lived in a very, very beautiful place which their order owns but can no longer afford to maintain. So, the time has come for them to make changes. The first step is to relocate. They found a lovely senior development several miles outside of St. Paul. The next step will be to find a buyer for the property, no small task, given today's economic situation. None of this came as a surprise to me. They had announced last fall that they would be doing this. I'd been praying that a Catholic organization would buy it to use as a retreat center or to develop it into senior living--independent, assisted, nursing care. Either of these might have allowed the Sisters to stay in their home. However, this was not to be...
I will miss the Sisters very much. I've been playing and leading the singing for their morning Mass twice a week and a couple of times a month on Sundays for over 6 years. It is there that I received the call to begin a new religious community. It is there where I felt supported and loved by all. It is there where many prayers were said for me for many different reasons over the years and many prayers were answered as a result.
I love them all so much! I was thinking the other day that love can be painful. However, I still hold onto the old adage that it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. In this case, I have grown spiritually in many ways, having known the Sisters. After thinking about the pain of goodbyes, I decided to view it from a different angle. It was something my sister Mary taught me. (Maybe I've already shared this with you...I hope not!) Once she had been at a meeting at a very expensive home on a lake and, afterward, I asked her if she was jealous of the people who lived there. The way she described it had sounded so lovely! She looked horrified and said, oh, no. She had been thrilled to have been there for a time so she could bask in the beauty of it all. That's how I see this situation. I am so thrilled to have been among the Sisters for these years, to experience the beauty of their Community and to be with them as we prayed together. What a blessing it has been for me! What I've had with and from them is far more than the pain of saying goodbye to them. And, one good thing is they aren't so far away that I won't be able to go visit them once in a while. It just won't be the same.
Isn't it interesting how things rarely stay the same in life? It can be a challenge to keep up at times but mostly there is great beauty in change, if we but look for it. And, along with the beauty, there are always blessings. Our Lord certainly doesn't allow changes in our lives and then leave us to fend for ourselves over them. I thoroughly enjoy how He brings blessings into my life, especially during times that are challenging for me. To me, it's proof positive that He is here, ever present. It always makes me appreciate and praise Him even more!
I will miss the Sisters very much. I've been playing and leading the singing for their morning Mass twice a week and a couple of times a month on Sundays for over 6 years. It is there that I received the call to begin a new religious community. It is there where I felt supported and loved by all. It is there where many prayers were said for me for many different reasons over the years and many prayers were answered as a result.
I love them all so much! I was thinking the other day that love can be painful. However, I still hold onto the old adage that it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. In this case, I have grown spiritually in many ways, having known the Sisters. After thinking about the pain of goodbyes, I decided to view it from a different angle. It was something my sister Mary taught me. (Maybe I've already shared this with you...I hope not!) Once she had been at a meeting at a very expensive home on a lake and, afterward, I asked her if she was jealous of the people who lived there. The way she described it had sounded so lovely! She looked horrified and said, oh, no. She had been thrilled to have been there for a time so she could bask in the beauty of it all. That's how I see this situation. I am so thrilled to have been among the Sisters for these years, to experience the beauty of their Community and to be with them as we prayed together. What a blessing it has been for me! What I've had with and from them is far more than the pain of saying goodbye to them. And, one good thing is they aren't so far away that I won't be able to go visit them once in a while. It just won't be the same.
Isn't it interesting how things rarely stay the same in life? It can be a challenge to keep up at times but mostly there is great beauty in change, if we but look for it. And, along with the beauty, there are always blessings. Our Lord certainly doesn't allow changes in our lives and then leave us to fend for ourselves over them. I thoroughly enjoy how He brings blessings into my life, especially during times that are challenging for me. To me, it's proof positive that He is here, ever present. It always makes me appreciate and praise Him even more!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
