taking up my cross

A reading from the Holy Gospel of St. Mark:

Jesus summoned the crowd with his disciples and said to them,
“Whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself,
take up his cross, and follow me.
For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it,
but whoever loses his life for my sake
and that of the Gospel will save it.
What profit is there for one to gain the whole world
and forfeit his life?
What could one give in exchange for his life?
Whoever is ashamed of me and of my words
in this faithless and sinful generation,
the Son of Man will be ashamed of
when he comes in his Father’s glory with the holy angels.”

He also said to them,
“Amen, I say to you,
there are some standing here who will not taste death
until they see that the Kingdom of God has come in power.

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Hymn: Take Up Your Cross
Text: Charles W. Everest, 1814-1877
Tune: O WALY WALY

1 Take up your cross, the Savior said,
If you would my disciple be;
Take up your cross with willing heart,
And humbly follow after me.

2 Take up your cross; let not its weight
Fill your weak spirit with alarm;
His strength shall bear your spirit up,
And brace your heart and nerve your arm.

3 Take up your cross; heed not the shame,
And let your foolish heart be still;
The Lord for you accepted death
Upon a cross, on Calv'ry's hill.

4 Take up your cross, then, in his strength,
And calmly ev'ry danger brave;
It guide you to a better home
And leads to vict'ry o'er the grave.

5 Take up your cross, and follow Christ,
Nor think till death to lay it down;
For only those who bear the cross
May hope to wear the glorious crown.

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I've been contemplating these since I heard this Gospel read yesterday at Mass. For me these days, taking up my cross means that I must accept what has happened in regard to my employment, I must feel the feelings I have by acknowledging them and then moving on from them, give up my dreams, my expectations, be kind to myself in the process, forgive my trespassers, find the blessings in the situation and through it all, praise God with joyful song. Just a wee little cross! Who am I kidding? It's a LOT of work!

Part of taking up my cross means turning away from MY will if it is clear my will is not God's will. Losing myself in God--this can be very challenging for one who came of age when feminism in its most wicked form ran rampant and when individualism and relativism bubbled to the surface of our collective consciousness. In essence, we were given permission to do whatever we wanted to do if it felt good. "If it feels good, do it" was the proclamation for all to hear. If we were put on this earth to know, love and serve God, this was pretty contrary dogma to our pursuit of sainthood.

The thing is I don't want to do anything against what God wants of me. If it means willingly taking up my cross, that's what I plan to do. I may falter or stumble along the way, but I pray that the course will be mostly a straight path, with the finish line being heaven.

One thing I've figured out is that my self-worth is not dependent on how much I can accomplish. My self-worth is based on the fact that an all good and gracious God loves me. Loves ME. I may want to accomplish great things but small things count just as much and possibly a great deal more, if they mean helping to build the kingdom of God. And maybe, just maybe, the small things I do are what God will use to build His kingdom. The other day, as I was helping Brother Max with his mailing, he said he was praying that more vocations to the religious life result from this mailing effort. I thought to myself: here I am, putting on labels, one after another, on something that appears to be just a letter to parishes to do more for the pro-life cause. Those labels were the ticket to the parishes getting those mailings and into the hands of people who would read them and take them to heart...It could ripple out, farther and farther, touching lives in ways I'll never know. If my putting on labels meant more vocations to the religious life, wouldn't that be something?

I think the point is that doing small things with love means quite a lot in God's realm. I love the thought that my little endeavors could have widespread ripples of goodness in our world. I will never know just how and I am okay with that. I have faith I will know one day, just not in this life.

When one looks at taking up the cross as loving God, no matter what the situation, no matter what we feel, then taking up our cross isn't all that difficult. Besides, God is right there with us, giving us the strength, the courage, the wherewithal--the grace--to follow Him. Knowing God is present, loving us, makes every burden we are given in life much easier to tote. With God, we can do it!