seeking first the kingdom of God

Today's Gospel is one of the most telling of my life and one of my favorites:

Matthew 6:24-34

Jesus said to his disciples:
“No one can serve two masters.
He will either hate one and love the other,
or be devoted to one and despise the other.
You cannot serve God and mammon.

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life,
what you will eat or drink,
or about your body, what you will wear.
Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing?
Look at the birds in the sky;
they do not sow or reap, they gather nothing into barns,
yet your heavenly Father feeds them.
Are not you more important than they?
Can any of you by worrying add a single moment to your life-span?
Why are you anxious about clothes?
Learn from the way the wild flowers grow.
They do not work or spin.
But I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor
was clothed like one of them.
If God so clothes the grass of the field,
which grows today and is thrown into the oven tomorrow,
will he not much more provide for you, O you of little faith?
So do not worry and say, ‘What are we to eat?’
or ‘What are we to drink?’or ‘What are we to wear?’
All these things the pagans seek.
Your heavenly Father knows that you need them all.
But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness,
and all these things will be given you besides.
Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself.
Sufficient for a day is its own evil.”

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I have a feeling I came into this life as THE world's best worrywart (or would that be the worst?). When I was younger, I worried about everything. As my life unfolded, I slowly began to understand that worry was an unnecessary activity.

In childhood, I almost drowned but didn't. I almost got lost but didn't. I thought I'd fail classes but never did. As an adult, I struggled financially for a time but I didn't starve. When my kids were babies, they survived immunizations, their mother's overzealous nail-clipping (sorry, Meg!), breastfeeding (temporary low milk production, breast milk jaundice, mastitis), ear infections, etc. Beyond infancy, they survived getting stitches, broken arms, falling out of trees, ski accidents, teenage antics (let's just say things they weren't supposed to be doing at their ages!), car accidents--You know, the basic results of living life. As my kids grew older, there were bigger worries. As I grew older, even BIGGER worries...The list of worries could be endless, if I let it! And, the bottom line was whatever I worried about almost never happened. (My sister Mary did die...) Life events happened but not my dire "predictions". Then, I came upon this passage in Matthew. It blared in large capital letters at me, like a neon sign: "DO NOT WORRY". Do not worry. Good heavens, that was certainly a foreign concept to me.

Talk about something that could change my thinking! Jesus was telling me not to worry. Again, the "be not afraid" theme! Do not worry about tomorrow. Focus on today. Today's enough for you. It was a whole new world opened to me! I no longer had to carry the heavy burden of so many worries around with me. Our Lord had given me permission to let them all go. And, I did...whenever I'd start to worry about something, I would envision myself putting the worry into a balloon, blowing it up and popping it with a big pin. Pop! Worry gone! It took some practice but I got pretty good at letting go without the mental imagery.

I think that's why I'm not worried in the least about this time in my life. There's no point to worrying. Besides, there have been so very many blessings: people who care deeply about me, answers to specific prayers, the ability to do many things, much more time for rest and to pray, to think. What I've discovered is letting go of worries leads to an opportunity to focus on spiritual matters--my relationship with God, finding ways to help build the kingdom of God here on earth, loving more fully. I find it a truly remarkable transformation!

It seems that, just when you think you're in the throes of one of the worst things that ever happened to you, you come to understand that you're probably experiencing one of the greatest blessings that ever happened to you--or at least it brings its own special blessings, none of which you would have experienced otherwise. Maybe this understanding won't come right away, but eventually it will.

To me, the root changes in me regarding worrying are proof positive that the Holy Spirit is right here with me, showing me the Way, as He always has been and always will be. His Presence brings great comfort to me and why I cannot worry. After all, my Lord tells me I must not. And, you know what? It is absolutely awesome not to spend even one second worrying about anything. There's a lot more time to do other things!