a powerful event in my life

It has been a busy couple of weeks. During this time, God gave me an unexpected gift through a very powerful event in my life. My employment was terminated at the pregnancy center. I did not see it coming, nor did I think I wanted it. I wasn't ready to leave just yet. Still...

The interesting thing is, a few days before this event happened, I was awake in the middle of the night, on the verge of worrying about something. I told God that I didn't think I trusted Him enough if I was worrying. I asked Him to teach me how to trust Him more. And, then, BAM!, He brought a most awesome and HUGE opportunity to learn about trusting Him. I figure He must really love me to answer my prayer so quickly!

While I don't think all the details about the situation are important to be told in this story, I will tell you just a few. I made an error in judgment and it was discovered on the corporate level and the board and I were reprimanded for it. When I was told that my error was serious, I immediately made sure it was fixed. My thinking was that no harm was ever done and we would now be up to snuff with what was required from now on. My plan was to apologize to the board for my part in it, hoping they'd see their culpability in it, too, and we'd move on. No harm, no foul.

A couple weeks later, without warning, I was asked by my board to sign a document that was not completely true. In it, I was accused of something I had not done. They had hired a lawyer to draw it up and it was very harsh. It stated that I would have to sign it in order to stay employed there. The implication was that, if I didn't, I would be terminated. I speculated the document was an action taken to save face with the corporate entity.

I sobbed all the way home that day. In the middle of my sobbing, however, an overwhelming peace came over me and I knew right then exactly what I had to do. I could not sign that I agreed with something that was not true. I would not compromise my integrity to save what appeared now to be an insecure job. I didn't fear homelessness nearly as much as I did being separated from God because of a sin I committed.

The next few days brought many signs from God that what I was about to do was His Will. First of all, I had a great peace and even joy about it. Then, a Franciscan Brother approached me after Mass on Sunday, asking if I'd help his community with a new project they were working on. Another contact told me that there might be an opening in her office soon. As the signs kept coming, I had no doubt that God would provide for my needs and all would be well.

The day I was to tell the board of my decision not to sign the document was the day I always spend with my grandchildren in the morning. When I got to their house, I declared that Nana was hungry because she forgot to eat breakfast. (In my discombobulated state that morning, I had completely forgotten to bring something to eat after I played for the Sisters' Mass.) Liam immediately jumped up and declared that he had the best cereal for me. He said he loved it and he knew that I would, too. Out came frosted mini-wheats...Then, Liam said, "I'll get you a bowl." Ellie found a (really big!) spoon. Out came the milk...Soon Nana was eating frosted mini-wheats and listening to her two precious grandchildren chattering away at her. A little while later, I was standing in the middle of the kitchen. Ellie pushed her little step stool over right in front of me and climbed up on it. She put her arms around my waist and we stood there for a minute. A while after that, Ellie asked me to read a book that had a zillion words in it. I told her that I probably shouldn't read it because my throat was sore but I'd read it next time. Before I left that day, she said she hoped I would feel better soon. I thought to myself that these were God's precious children ministering to their Nana in ways they never had before just when she needed it most. It was so comforting!

The situation played out as outlined by the document. I recognized the hand of God in this. While He did not orchestrate it--I believed sin, pride and fear, had--He allowed this to happen for some good reason, of which He has not apprised me just yet. Yes, over the course of the past few days, I have seen smaller good things come out of it but I think there's something even larger in the future and will be shown to me in His time.

One funny story happened. When I told my children about it, I asked them if they remembered my retirement plan of living with each of them for 3 months a year. (I figured, by the time one family got sick of me, it would be about time to move to the next...I thought it was a good plan!) I said, well, that plan may be about to be stepped up. One smart aleck son replied, "Ohhh, Mother. I am going to pray REALLY hard that you get a job VERY soon!" I said, gee, thanks. His line made me laugh.

I don't know what my future will bring. That's the beauty of this moment in my life. I must rely completely on God. I know that He is here. The beauty of getting older is that I have a history with God and I know that He has always taken care of me and will continue to do so.

Yesterday, I was given a gift. I believe it came from the Holy Spirit. Here it is:

During my morning prayer, it became very clear to me that I am to lay aside all my hurt, anger and pride regarding my leaving my post at the center. The people involved were not my executioners. They are people, trying to do their job the best way they know how. They may have botched it and they may not have done it the way I thought they should...but who am I? While God had not orchestrated it, He had allowed this to occur the way it did for a greater good. This does not spell death for me. It spells life. God is calling me to do something new. He is offering me a new opportunity to serve Him. And, with a new executive director at the center, He will offer an opportunity for that person's gifts and talents to be used there to glorify Him.

If I really want to do God's will, shouldn't I accept it first? Shouldn't I, in fact, embrace it completely? If I really believe that God allowed this event to happen for a good reason, I must trust Him. He always brings good out of evil for those who love Him. And, we didn't hear Jesus walking around, yelling "This is unjust, this is unjust!" He embraced His Father's Will because He knew He must for the salvation of all of us. He did it out of profound love for His Father and for us. Through His Sacrifice, He offered us eternal life. Compared to that, this is truly not much of a sacrifice.

I am not afraid (although, looking at my financial situation, perhaps I should be!). I just feel very blessed. Indeed, this is a major event in my life. It is propelling me toward God in a new way. It is an opportunity for me to grow in faith. Why would I not want to embrace that? After all, sainthood is my ultimate goal.

However, first, I must find a job. If you know of anything, please let me know. My email address is minnemama@comcast.net. But, most of all, I ask you to keep me, as well as the people involved and the center, in your prayers. As I know well, God answers all of our prayers in very beautiful ways.