Posts
I forgot to mention earlier one very, very beautiful thing that happened this week. A client with whom I'd spent several hours early in her pregnancy had her child on Thursday--a precious baby girl! I had no assurances for quite some time that she wasn't going to abort her. After she had an ultrasound done at the center, she went to two other centers for support, still on the fence, not committing to having her child. (She lived and worked closer to them.) Others eventually helped convince her. It was one big giant joint effort from all of us!
This news was the exclamation point on my pregnancy center work tenure. It is a story of just how it should always happen: multi-center support from caring people, baby born! It was absolutely the best way to end my time there.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
a timeline of sorts
Okay. Let's recap the past week:
Friday evening, my friend Jacquie takes me to dinner and offers her home piano studio to me every Wednesday with the promise that she will send every new referral my way. I can charge $8 more an hour for lessons in her area of town because it's very wealthy.
Saturday and Sunday, I ask God to show me where I should go next. All my mind keeps going to is that I am to teach piano more. A peace descends. Joy follows. I love teaching!
Sunday evening, I talk to one of the cantors from St. Columba about something unrelated to teaching and she tells me she's been looking for a piano teacher for her daughter. She lives about a mile from my house. When I tell her I could come to her home on Saturday morning at 10:30, she says that is perfect because she has adoration from 10 to 11 and this way her daughter would get up and get ready for the day instead of sleeping in until she got home after 11. Quick and solid affirmation from God that I'm on the right path! I sign up to be a member of the MN Music Teachers Association and Music Teachers National Association. Make a note to call them in the morning to be put on the online list of piano teachers in the area. (Did this on Monday; I will be on the list as soon as it's verified that I paid my dues.) God is so good to me!
Monday evening, my friend calls to tell me she happened to be talking to an elementary music specialist in the school district near her home. He told her he'd referred a family to her. She told him she's going to start referring all new students to me. She tells him about me and asks that he spread the word. He says he will. An elementary music specialist! If I were a parent looking for a piano teacher, he'd be the first one I'd ask!
Tuesday, play with my grandchildren at the Children's Museum. It gives their mother and me an opportunity to talk about Liam being diagnosed with a mild form of autism (Asperger's) and how we are feeling about it. I take a half hour nap afterward. Begin working on updating my resume. Peruse jobs online, just in case!
Wednesday, continue back and forth emails with a friend who knows about resumes and is generously giving me her expert advice on it. She calls herself my nit-picking friend. I tell her nit-picking is exactly what is needed and ask where she was when two of my kids had head lice when they were preschoolers. I certainly could have used a nit-picker then!
Thursday, get an email from someone, giving me info on potential students near where my grandchildren live. Their grandmother had been teaching them but now she has Alzheimer's. She tells me that other of the grandmother's students may be interested in me. I work on my policy brochure and a funny flier to advertise my little "cottage industry" all over town. I send the flier to many people I know. Get one call so far!
Friday, more networking through calls and email to some home school associations. Attend musical "Into the Woods" with Meg, Wendy and Trista--"my girls"--a belated Christmas present from me to them. Awesome fun! Cantor Amanda is, as per usual, stellar as Cinderella's mother, Snow White and Granny. Reminded me of my "Into the Woods" experience in the orchestra pit and as rehearsal pianist of long ago.
Saturday evening after Mass, I see a man with whom apparently the Holy Spirit is nudging me to talk. I race down (well, not really...I saunter down, very lady-like!) the aisle before he can leave. I tell him a little of what happened and ask that he pray specifically that I stop being prideful. He assures me that he will and then we talk about what I'm trying to do with the piano studio. He tells me he has a friend who teaches piano in North Oaks, which isn't far from my house and where I teach 6 students already. He said the last time he talked with him, he told him that he was getting full to capacity with students. He promised he'd call and ask him to refer anyone he isn't able to fit into his schedule to me. Spend the rest of the evening at daughter's future in-laws' home, getting to know them and they getting to know us. It was fun!
Today, choir sings Blest are They so beautifully. I see this as a sign that the saints and angels are here praying, too. All is well with the world!
Friday evening, my friend Jacquie takes me to dinner and offers her home piano studio to me every Wednesday with the promise that she will send every new referral my way. I can charge $8 more an hour for lessons in her area of town because it's very wealthy.
Saturday and Sunday, I ask God to show me where I should go next. All my mind keeps going to is that I am to teach piano more. A peace descends. Joy follows. I love teaching!
Sunday evening, I talk to one of the cantors from St. Columba about something unrelated to teaching and she tells me she's been looking for a piano teacher for her daughter. She lives about a mile from my house. When I tell her I could come to her home on Saturday morning at 10:30, she says that is perfect because she has adoration from 10 to 11 and this way her daughter would get up and get ready for the day instead of sleeping in until she got home after 11. Quick and solid affirmation from God that I'm on the right path! I sign up to be a member of the MN Music Teachers Association and Music Teachers National Association. Make a note to call them in the morning to be put on the online list of piano teachers in the area. (Did this on Monday; I will be on the list as soon as it's verified that I paid my dues.) God is so good to me!
Monday evening, my friend calls to tell me she happened to be talking to an elementary music specialist in the school district near her home. He told her he'd referred a family to her. She told him she's going to start referring all new students to me. She tells him about me and asks that he spread the word. He says he will. An elementary music specialist! If I were a parent looking for a piano teacher, he'd be the first one I'd ask!
Tuesday, play with my grandchildren at the Children's Museum. It gives their mother and me an opportunity to talk about Liam being diagnosed with a mild form of autism (Asperger's) and how we are feeling about it. I take a half hour nap afterward. Begin working on updating my resume. Peruse jobs online, just in case!
Wednesday, continue back and forth emails with a friend who knows about resumes and is generously giving me her expert advice on it. She calls herself my nit-picking friend. I tell her nit-picking is exactly what is needed and ask where she was when two of my kids had head lice when they were preschoolers. I certainly could have used a nit-picker then!
Thursday, get an email from someone, giving me info on potential students near where my grandchildren live. Their grandmother had been teaching them but now she has Alzheimer's. She tells me that other of the grandmother's students may be interested in me. I work on my policy brochure and a funny flier to advertise my little "cottage industry" all over town. I send the flier to many people I know. Get one call so far!
Friday, more networking through calls and email to some home school associations. Attend musical "Into the Woods" with Meg, Wendy and Trista--"my girls"--a belated Christmas present from me to them. Awesome fun! Cantor Amanda is, as per usual, stellar as Cinderella's mother, Snow White and Granny. Reminded me of my "Into the Woods" experience in the orchestra pit and as rehearsal pianist of long ago.
Saturday evening after Mass, I see a man with whom apparently the Holy Spirit is nudging me to talk. I race down (well, not really...I saunter down, very lady-like!) the aisle before he can leave. I tell him a little of what happened and ask that he pray specifically that I stop being prideful. He assures me that he will and then we talk about what I'm trying to do with the piano studio. He tells me he has a friend who teaches piano in North Oaks, which isn't far from my house and where I teach 6 students already. He said the last time he talked with him, he told him that he was getting full to capacity with students. He promised he'd call and ask him to refer anyone he isn't able to fit into his schedule to me. Spend the rest of the evening at daughter's future in-laws' home, getting to know them and they getting to know us. It was fun!
Today, choir sings Blest are They so beautifully. I see this as a sign that the saints and angels are here praying, too. All is well with the world!
Friday, January 28, 2011
something I forgot to write yesterday
It was St. Angela Merici's feast day yesterday. In his homily at the Sisters', Fr. Leo told us that it was her mission to go into the homes of the poor and teach little children about the Faith. As I was thinking about her, I decided I would ask her to be one of my patron saints for this new endeavor of teaching private piano lessons more full-time. I go into people's homes for the lessons and I have always believed it is my mission, not only to teach technical skills on the piano (and a love of music!), but to show Christ's love to each of my students while I'm doing it. In a small way, I am following her path. And, it's a given I must also ask St. Cecilia, the patroness of church musicians and all musicians! Tonight, I will ask them.
I believe God is calling me to continue ministry work but in a different way than I have been.
I've already warned some of my current students who have been my students for years that I'm going to be following my friend Jacquie's policies, one of which is to require them to practice half hour, 45 minutes or 1 hour a day, depending on their level. Up 'til now, I've only ever required 15 minutes out of beginners. I told them, 6 months from now, they'll be so good because of all the increased practice that they'll be world famous. I don't think I convinced them!
It's all so very beautiful! Oh, by the way...it was also Mozart's birthday yesterday! Eine Kleine Nachtmusik, anyone?
I believe God is calling me to continue ministry work but in a different way than I have been.
I've already warned some of my current students who have been my students for years that I'm going to be following my friend Jacquie's policies, one of which is to require them to practice half hour, 45 minutes or 1 hour a day, depending on their level. Up 'til now, I've only ever required 15 minutes out of beginners. I told them, 6 months from now, they'll be so good because of all the increased practice that they'll be world famous. I don't think I convinced them!
It's all so very beautiful! Oh, by the way...it was also Mozart's birthday yesterday! Eine Kleine Nachtmusik, anyone?
Thursday, January 27, 2011
so many lessons!
This time, right now, is a blessed time for me. I am seeing awesome signs that God is intimately involved with everything that is happening to me these days. Every prayer seems to be answered swiftly and in beautiful ways. It fills me with incredible peace and great joy!
These are not dark days. These are days filled with wonder! I am excited to find out just exactly what it is God has in mind for the next leg of my journey in life.
These past two weeks have taught me so many things! The first thing I saw is that I have a pride that has not been squelched very well, despite my best efforts...or at least it seems to come out as a temptation at times like this. There have been times when I didn't even realize what I was doing was prideful. I have some work to do on this...and I know God will provide good opportunities to do so!
People have been sending me little messages just when I need them the most. Last night's:
From Saint Faustina's Diary:
270 Without humility, we cannot be pleasing to God. Practice the third degree of humility, that is not only must one refrain from explaining and defending oneself when reproached with something, but one should rejoice at the humiliation.
If the things you are telling me really come from God, prepare your soul for great suffering. You will encounter disapproval and persecution. They will look upon you as a hysteric and an eccentric, but the Lord will lavish His graces upon you. True works of God always meet opposition and are marked by suffering. If God wants to accomplish something, sooner or later He will do so in spite of the difficulties. Your part, in the meantime, is to arm yourself with patience.
(advice from Fr. Sopocko)
+ + + +
It seems every single person in my life and many who are on the periphery of my life are praying for me because that's the first thing they tell me when they write or call or visit with me. Peggy, the sacristan, gave me food (dessert included!)throughout the week last week. She said she wanted to take care of me and cooking and baking are the ways she could. Several have taken me out for a meal. This morning, a friend said eat whatever you want, order everything...take a little for home, too. She wanted so badly to do what she could for me. I have such marvelous friends!
This morning, before Mass, I asked Father if he had any hymns in mind. He said he wanted us to sing Blest Are They. I looked at him oddly. He said, "What?" I told him that this was the 23rd anniversary of my 41 year old sister Mary's death and we had sung it at her funeral. She had planned her funeral and it was one of her favorites. And, for the past few days, I have been singing On Eagle's Wings, which was definitely NOT her favorite hymn but the words have brought comfort to me. It just made me think that Mary must really be here with me, advocating for me. It also makes me think about just how broad my friend base really is...I believe it includes the communion of saints in heaven! See? I AM very blessed!
I'm not going to tell you that everything is all peachy keen. I took a nap the other day and woke in sheer panic. (It probably didn't help that my cat was sleeping on me which made it hard to breathe deeply while I was sleeping!) I walked around the house for a bit, remembering how "Be not afraid" is in the Bible over 300 times. God must mean it if it's in there that many times! I must not be afraid. I felt better, thinking of that.
Too, the magnitude of loss is starting to seep in. The loss of income is only the tip of the iceberg. The loss of seeing friends at the center, the loss of stature, the feeling of utmost betrayal by people I thought were my friends. The grieving will take a while!
I am busy marketing my piano studio. I have four new students--one started last week, one started today, another will begin next week and I haven't firmed up when the fourth will begin. It's a start, it's a start!
And, onward to the Kingdom we go! Peace of Christ be yours, dear friends!
These are not dark days. These are days filled with wonder! I am excited to find out just exactly what it is God has in mind for the next leg of my journey in life.
These past two weeks have taught me so many things! The first thing I saw is that I have a pride that has not been squelched very well, despite my best efforts...or at least it seems to come out as a temptation at times like this. There have been times when I didn't even realize what I was doing was prideful. I have some work to do on this...and I know God will provide good opportunities to do so!
People have been sending me little messages just when I need them the most. Last night's:
From Saint Faustina's Diary:
270 Without humility, we cannot be pleasing to God. Practice the third degree of humility, that is not only must one refrain from explaining and defending oneself when reproached with something, but one should rejoice at the humiliation.
If the things you are telling me really come from God, prepare your soul for great suffering. You will encounter disapproval and persecution. They will look upon you as a hysteric and an eccentric, but the Lord will lavish His graces upon you. True works of God always meet opposition and are marked by suffering. If God wants to accomplish something, sooner or later He will do so in spite of the difficulties. Your part, in the meantime, is to arm yourself with patience.
(advice from Fr. Sopocko)
+ + + +
It seems every single person in my life and many who are on the periphery of my life are praying for me because that's the first thing they tell me when they write or call or visit with me. Peggy, the sacristan, gave me food (dessert included!)throughout the week last week. She said she wanted to take care of me and cooking and baking are the ways she could. Several have taken me out for a meal. This morning, a friend said eat whatever you want, order everything...take a little for home, too. She wanted so badly to do what she could for me. I have such marvelous friends!
This morning, before Mass, I asked Father if he had any hymns in mind. He said he wanted us to sing Blest Are They. I looked at him oddly. He said, "What?" I told him that this was the 23rd anniversary of my 41 year old sister Mary's death and we had sung it at her funeral. She had planned her funeral and it was one of her favorites. And, for the past few days, I have been singing On Eagle's Wings, which was definitely NOT her favorite hymn but the words have brought comfort to me. It just made me think that Mary must really be here with me, advocating for me. It also makes me think about just how broad my friend base really is...I believe it includes the communion of saints in heaven! See? I AM very blessed!
I'm not going to tell you that everything is all peachy keen. I took a nap the other day and woke in sheer panic. (It probably didn't help that my cat was sleeping on me which made it hard to breathe deeply while I was sleeping!) I walked around the house for a bit, remembering how "Be not afraid" is in the Bible over 300 times. God must mean it if it's in there that many times! I must not be afraid. I felt better, thinking of that.
Too, the magnitude of loss is starting to seep in. The loss of income is only the tip of the iceberg. The loss of seeing friends at the center, the loss of stature, the feeling of utmost betrayal by people I thought were my friends. The grieving will take a while!
I am busy marketing my piano studio. I have four new students--one started last week, one started today, another will begin next week and I haven't firmed up when the fourth will begin. It's a start, it's a start!
And, onward to the Kingdom we go! Peace of Christ be yours, dear friends!
Sunday, January 23, 2011
interesting!
As I've prayed this weekend about what God is asking me to do next, I have been focusing on expanding my piano studio. I went to dinner with one of my closest friends on Friday night and we talked about the possibilities. She, herself, is filled to capacity with students. She offered several ways to get going on this. The most poignant was her offer to let me use her home studio every Wednesday as many hours as I'd like. (She's also a music director of a parish and is gone on Wednesdays from early morning until pretty late at night for her duties there.) She lives in a different part of town, a part that borders on a very wealthy area so she charges more than I do where I live. She said she could refer people to me as they call her for lessons.
Tomorrow, I'm going to hit the local music store where Rita works. Rita has been selling me piano music for years and I have a feeling she'll refer people to me if I ask. I'll market through bulletin announcements in the churches and maybe approach a couple of principals in schools to see if I could teach during the school day. I already signed up to become a member of the Music Teachers' Association, where I might get even more students. See? Lotso ideas!
The unemployment should help me get by until I can build my student population. Best of all, it will free my time to volunteer in a pro-life endeavor.
One just never knows what God has planned 'round here! All I know for sure is that, whatever it is, it will be exciting!
Oh, yeah...I forgot to mention that God seems to have given me an affirmation regarding this. When I called one of my cantors from St. Columba tonight to talk about something unrelated, she told me she was looking for a piano teacher for her daughter. They live blocks from my house! I signed her right up!!!
Tomorrow, I'm going to hit the local music store where Rita works. Rita has been selling me piano music for years and I have a feeling she'll refer people to me if I ask. I'll market through bulletin announcements in the churches and maybe approach a couple of principals in schools to see if I could teach during the school day. I already signed up to become a member of the Music Teachers' Association, where I might get even more students. See? Lotso ideas!
The unemployment should help me get by until I can build my student population. Best of all, it will free my time to volunteer in a pro-life endeavor.
One just never knows what God has planned 'round here! All I know for sure is that, whatever it is, it will be exciting!
Oh, yeah...I forgot to mention that God seems to have given me an affirmation regarding this. When I called one of my cantors from St. Columba tonight to talk about something unrelated, she told me she was looking for a piano teacher for her daughter. They live blocks from my house! I signed her right up!!!
Saturday, January 22, 2011
a powerful event in my life
It has been a busy couple of weeks. During this time, God gave me an unexpected gift through a very powerful event in my life. My employment was terminated at the pregnancy center. I did not see it coming, nor did I think I wanted it. I wasn't ready to leave just yet. Still...
The interesting thing is, a few days before this event happened, I was awake in the middle of the night, on the verge of worrying about something. I told God that I didn't think I trusted Him enough if I was worrying. I asked Him to teach me how to trust Him more. And, then, BAM!, He brought a most awesome and HUGE opportunity to learn about trusting Him. I figure He must really love me to answer my prayer so quickly!
While I don't think all the details about the situation are important to be told in this story, I will tell you just a few. I made an error in judgment and it was discovered on the corporate level and the board and I were reprimanded for it. When I was told that my error was serious, I immediately made sure it was fixed. My thinking was that no harm was ever done and we would now be up to snuff with what was required from now on. My plan was to apologize to the board for my part in it, hoping they'd see their culpability in it, too, and we'd move on. No harm, no foul.
A couple weeks later, without warning, I was asked by my board to sign a document that was not completely true. In it, I was accused of something I had not done. They had hired a lawyer to draw it up and it was very harsh. It stated that I would have to sign it in order to stay employed there. The implication was that, if I didn't, I would be terminated. I speculated the document was an action taken to save face with the corporate entity.
I sobbed all the way home that day. In the middle of my sobbing, however, an overwhelming peace came over me and I knew right then exactly what I had to do. I could not sign that I agreed with something that was not true. I would not compromise my integrity to save what appeared now to be an insecure job. I didn't fear homelessness nearly as much as I did being separated from God because of a sin I committed.
The next few days brought many signs from God that what I was about to do was His Will. First of all, I had a great peace and even joy about it. Then, a Franciscan Brother approached me after Mass on Sunday, asking if I'd help his community with a new project they were working on. Another contact told me that there might be an opening in her office soon. As the signs kept coming, I had no doubt that God would provide for my needs and all would be well.
The day I was to tell the board of my decision not to sign the document was the day I always spend with my grandchildren in the morning. When I got to their house, I declared that Nana was hungry because she forgot to eat breakfast. (In my discombobulated state that morning, I had completely forgotten to bring something to eat after I played for the Sisters' Mass.) Liam immediately jumped up and declared that he had the best cereal for me. He said he loved it and he knew that I would, too. Out came frosted mini-wheats...Then, Liam said, "I'll get you a bowl." Ellie found a (really big!) spoon. Out came the milk...Soon Nana was eating frosted mini-wheats and listening to her two precious grandchildren chattering away at her. A little while later, I was standing in the middle of the kitchen. Ellie pushed her little step stool over right in front of me and climbed up on it. She put her arms around my waist and we stood there for a minute. A while after that, Ellie asked me to read a book that had a zillion words in it. I told her that I probably shouldn't read it because my throat was sore but I'd read it next time. Before I left that day, she said she hoped I would feel better soon. I thought to myself that these were God's precious children ministering to their Nana in ways they never had before just when she needed it most. It was so comforting!
The situation played out as outlined by the document. I recognized the hand of God in this. While He did not orchestrate it--I believed sin, pride and fear, had--He allowed this to happen for some good reason, of which He has not apprised me just yet. Yes, over the course of the past few days, I have seen smaller good things come out of it but I think there's something even larger in the future and will be shown to me in His time.
One funny story happened. When I told my children about it, I asked them if they remembered my retirement plan of living with each of them for 3 months a year. (I figured, by the time one family got sick of me, it would be about time to move to the next...I thought it was a good plan!) I said, well, that plan may be about to be stepped up. One smart aleck son replied, "Ohhh, Mother. I am going to pray REALLY hard that you get a job VERY soon!" I said, gee, thanks. His line made me laugh.
I don't know what my future will bring. That's the beauty of this moment in my life. I must rely completely on God. I know that He is here. The beauty of getting older is that I have a history with God and I know that He has always taken care of me and will continue to do so.
Yesterday, I was given a gift. I believe it came from the Holy Spirit. Here it is:
During my morning prayer, it became very clear to me that I am to lay aside all my hurt, anger and pride regarding my leaving my post at the center. The people involved were not my executioners. They are people, trying to do their job the best way they know how. They may have botched it and they may not have done it the way I thought they should...but who am I? While God had not orchestrated it, He had allowed this to occur the way it did for a greater good. This does not spell death for me. It spells life. God is calling me to do something new. He is offering me a new opportunity to serve Him. And, with a new executive director at the center, He will offer an opportunity for that person's gifts and talents to be used there to glorify Him.
If I really want to do God's will, shouldn't I accept it first? Shouldn't I, in fact, embrace it completely? If I really believe that God allowed this event to happen for a good reason, I must trust Him. He always brings good out of evil for those who love Him. And, we didn't hear Jesus walking around, yelling "This is unjust, this is unjust!" He embraced His Father's Will because He knew He must for the salvation of all of us. He did it out of profound love for His Father and for us. Through His Sacrifice, He offered us eternal life. Compared to that, this is truly not much of a sacrifice.
I am not afraid (although, looking at my financial situation, perhaps I should be!). I just feel very blessed. Indeed, this is a major event in my life. It is propelling me toward God in a new way. It is an opportunity for me to grow in faith. Why would I not want to embrace that? After all, sainthood is my ultimate goal.
However, first, I must find a job. If you know of anything, please let me know. My email address is minnemama@comcast.net. But, most of all, I ask you to keep me, as well as the people involved and the center, in your prayers. As I know well, God answers all of our prayers in very beautiful ways.
The interesting thing is, a few days before this event happened, I was awake in the middle of the night, on the verge of worrying about something. I told God that I didn't think I trusted Him enough if I was worrying. I asked Him to teach me how to trust Him more. And, then, BAM!, He brought a most awesome and HUGE opportunity to learn about trusting Him. I figure He must really love me to answer my prayer so quickly!
While I don't think all the details about the situation are important to be told in this story, I will tell you just a few. I made an error in judgment and it was discovered on the corporate level and the board and I were reprimanded for it. When I was told that my error was serious, I immediately made sure it was fixed. My thinking was that no harm was ever done and we would now be up to snuff with what was required from now on. My plan was to apologize to the board for my part in it, hoping they'd see their culpability in it, too, and we'd move on. No harm, no foul.
A couple weeks later, without warning, I was asked by my board to sign a document that was not completely true. In it, I was accused of something I had not done. They had hired a lawyer to draw it up and it was very harsh. It stated that I would have to sign it in order to stay employed there. The implication was that, if I didn't, I would be terminated. I speculated the document was an action taken to save face with the corporate entity.
I sobbed all the way home that day. In the middle of my sobbing, however, an overwhelming peace came over me and I knew right then exactly what I had to do. I could not sign that I agreed with something that was not true. I would not compromise my integrity to save what appeared now to be an insecure job. I didn't fear homelessness nearly as much as I did being separated from God because of a sin I committed.
The next few days brought many signs from God that what I was about to do was His Will. First of all, I had a great peace and even joy about it. Then, a Franciscan Brother approached me after Mass on Sunday, asking if I'd help his community with a new project they were working on. Another contact told me that there might be an opening in her office soon. As the signs kept coming, I had no doubt that God would provide for my needs and all would be well.
The day I was to tell the board of my decision not to sign the document was the day I always spend with my grandchildren in the morning. When I got to their house, I declared that Nana was hungry because she forgot to eat breakfast. (In my discombobulated state that morning, I had completely forgotten to bring something to eat after I played for the Sisters' Mass.) Liam immediately jumped up and declared that he had the best cereal for me. He said he loved it and he knew that I would, too. Out came frosted mini-wheats...Then, Liam said, "I'll get you a bowl." Ellie found a (really big!) spoon. Out came the milk...Soon Nana was eating frosted mini-wheats and listening to her two precious grandchildren chattering away at her. A little while later, I was standing in the middle of the kitchen. Ellie pushed her little step stool over right in front of me and climbed up on it. She put her arms around my waist and we stood there for a minute. A while after that, Ellie asked me to read a book that had a zillion words in it. I told her that I probably shouldn't read it because my throat was sore but I'd read it next time. Before I left that day, she said she hoped I would feel better soon. I thought to myself that these were God's precious children ministering to their Nana in ways they never had before just when she needed it most. It was so comforting!
The situation played out as outlined by the document. I recognized the hand of God in this. While He did not orchestrate it--I believed sin, pride and fear, had--He allowed this to happen for some good reason, of which He has not apprised me just yet. Yes, over the course of the past few days, I have seen smaller good things come out of it but I think there's something even larger in the future and will be shown to me in His time.
One funny story happened. When I told my children about it, I asked them if they remembered my retirement plan of living with each of them for 3 months a year. (I figured, by the time one family got sick of me, it would be about time to move to the next...I thought it was a good plan!) I said, well, that plan may be about to be stepped up. One smart aleck son replied, "Ohhh, Mother. I am going to pray REALLY hard that you get a job VERY soon!" I said, gee, thanks. His line made me laugh.
I don't know what my future will bring. That's the beauty of this moment in my life. I must rely completely on God. I know that He is here. The beauty of getting older is that I have a history with God and I know that He has always taken care of me and will continue to do so.
Yesterday, I was given a gift. I believe it came from the Holy Spirit. Here it is:
During my morning prayer, it became very clear to me that I am to lay aside all my hurt, anger and pride regarding my leaving my post at the center. The people involved were not my executioners. They are people, trying to do their job the best way they know how. They may have botched it and they may not have done it the way I thought they should...but who am I? While God had not orchestrated it, He had allowed this to occur the way it did for a greater good. This does not spell death for me. It spells life. God is calling me to do something new. He is offering me a new opportunity to serve Him. And, with a new executive director at the center, He will offer an opportunity for that person's gifts and talents to be used there to glorify Him.
If I really want to do God's will, shouldn't I accept it first? Shouldn't I, in fact, embrace it completely? If I really believe that God allowed this event to happen for a good reason, I must trust Him. He always brings good out of evil for those who love Him. And, we didn't hear Jesus walking around, yelling "This is unjust, this is unjust!" He embraced His Father's Will because He knew He must for the salvation of all of us. He did it out of profound love for His Father and for us. Through His Sacrifice, He offered us eternal life. Compared to that, this is truly not much of a sacrifice.
I am not afraid (although, looking at my financial situation, perhaps I should be!). I just feel very blessed. Indeed, this is a major event in my life. It is propelling me toward God in a new way. It is an opportunity for me to grow in faith. Why would I not want to embrace that? After all, sainthood is my ultimate goal.
However, first, I must find a job. If you know of anything, please let me know. My email address is minnemama@comcast.net. But, most of all, I ask you to keep me, as well as the people involved and the center, in your prayers. As I know well, God answers all of our prayers in very beautiful ways.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Holy Spirit to the rescue!
This past week brought resolution to a terrible misunderstanding at the pregnancy center. If you live in Minnesota or the surrounding states, did you feel the earth quiver and shake on Tuesday about 4:15? You didn't know we had earthquakes in Minnesota, did you? Actually, it was me, dancing in the halls of the center, praising God, when I heard the news!
For two weeks, I lay awake at night, trying to find a solution to what was going on. There was much discord. After a while, I began to understand that I was not helping the situation. Eventually, I figured out that I needed to get out of it and stop trying to fix it. The issue was a medical one about which I knew little anyway.
My own fear was regarding the idea that the ultrasound program could blow up in smoke. What would happen to the precious children whose mothers would have come for an ultrasound if that happened? THAT was worth at least 3 sleepless nights!
I believe fear and pride were at the center of the situation, which meant that Satan was involved in it, too. All I could think to do was pray intensively, go to Confession, receive Holy Communion daily and ask many faithful people to pray with me and for the situation.
The way it was resolved was so beautiful and in a way that I never would have considered. (This is how I recognized the hand of God in it. The solution was so simple, so peace-filled and something I would never of thought of. It felt supernatural!) I realized, then, that I need not have spent sleepless nights nor even tried to fix it with my limited imagination. Still, in my defense, I AM the manager of the place...It is my job to solve problems when they arise. This, though, seemed different because it looked like it was a spiritual battle which could only be resolved through God's grace...and it was!
The Holy Spirit came in and worked it all out. Pride and fear gave way to humility and graciousness. And, in the end, the ultrasound program will be much, much stronger and, hopefully, our center will be safe from any attacks from those who would like us to go away.
What I figured out is our Lord really, really watches over our work. When I was beside myself, I should have realized that He would not let it fall apart. Our presence in that neighborhood has spelled the difference between life and death for little ones, over and over, especially because of the ultrasounds their mothers had. The one thing I did have all along was the knowledge that God was there with us. I could feel the peace of His presence.
I hope, next time, I tell myself that there is no reason to worry. And, I hope I mean it because the truth is God IS always here!
Thank you, dear Lord, for protecting the pregnancy center from harm. Thank you for allowing each of us to work there and to be a part of building Your Kingdom here on earth. Please continue to watch over us. Teach us Your ways so that we may always do Your will. Amen.
For two weeks, I lay awake at night, trying to find a solution to what was going on. There was much discord. After a while, I began to understand that I was not helping the situation. Eventually, I figured out that I needed to get out of it and stop trying to fix it. The issue was a medical one about which I knew little anyway.
My own fear was regarding the idea that the ultrasound program could blow up in smoke. What would happen to the precious children whose mothers would have come for an ultrasound if that happened? THAT was worth at least 3 sleepless nights!
I believe fear and pride were at the center of the situation, which meant that Satan was involved in it, too. All I could think to do was pray intensively, go to Confession, receive Holy Communion daily and ask many faithful people to pray with me and for the situation.
The way it was resolved was so beautiful and in a way that I never would have considered. (This is how I recognized the hand of God in it. The solution was so simple, so peace-filled and something I would never of thought of. It felt supernatural!) I realized, then, that I need not have spent sleepless nights nor even tried to fix it with my limited imagination. Still, in my defense, I AM the manager of the place...It is my job to solve problems when they arise. This, though, seemed different because it looked like it was a spiritual battle which could only be resolved through God's grace...and it was!
The Holy Spirit came in and worked it all out. Pride and fear gave way to humility and graciousness. And, in the end, the ultrasound program will be much, much stronger and, hopefully, our center will be safe from any attacks from those who would like us to go away.
What I figured out is our Lord really, really watches over our work. When I was beside myself, I should have realized that He would not let it fall apart. Our presence in that neighborhood has spelled the difference between life and death for little ones, over and over, especially because of the ultrasounds their mothers had. The one thing I did have all along was the knowledge that God was there with us. I could feel the peace of His presence.
I hope, next time, I tell myself that there is no reason to worry. And, I hope I mean it because the truth is God IS always here!
Thank you, dear Lord, for protecting the pregnancy center from harm. Thank you for allowing each of us to work there and to be a part of building Your Kingdom here on earth. Please continue to watch over us. Teach us Your ways so that we may always do Your will. Amen.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
different perspectives
For the past two weeks, I have been embroiled in what I can only think is a satanic attack on the pregnancy center. It is threatening to tear apart our ultrasound program. I can't really share with you the details but, trust me, it's been vicious. I know that we will emerge stronger but, in the meanwhile, it's painful going through it.
I am offering up my suffering, that our Lord might use it for something good. And, maybe God is allowing this so that all of us involved will learn important things from it. I know, for me, it is an opportunity to trust God. It is also showing me more of my limitations and flaws. Everywhere I go, I have been asking, begging, for prayer support.
For the past month or more, I have felt as though I have been pouring my heart out over preparing the music for Christmas time and then executing it at Mass. So, it was quite a shock to my system yesterday morning before the holy day Mass when an elderly woman approached me, very irritated, chastising me for not programming "Go Tell it on the Mountain". She said it should have been the first hymn on Christmas Day. She was dead serious. In my head, I was thinking: from the sublime to the ridiculous. I deal with life and death every single day at the pregnancy center and here she was, complaining about something that seemed so trivial. However, I realized that, if it was her favorite Christmas carol, I could see why she would be perturbed that we hadn't sung it YET. I explained that it was coming...We would be singing it for Epiphany in the afternoon and today. That did little to appease her...or so her face showed. I told her there were 5 billion Christmas carols and I was doing my best to get in as many as I could. I really wanted to ask her to tell me something she thought I was doing right but I was so vexed I just wanted to retreat into my corner where the piano is and not talk to her for one minute longer than I had to.
I wonder what she thought of the beautiful rendition Krista, the cantor, did of the Ave Maria, minutes after her complaint. It brought tears to my eyes, listening to her. As her accompanist, I wanted to accompany her the very best way possible. She didn't really need me, though. Her voice soared all by itself!
Does the woman realize what a treasure we have in our cantors, every one of them? On my way to the church yesterday morning, I thought about how lovely it would be if Krista sang the Ave Maria for a prelude. She didn't hesitate when I asked her if she was warmed up enough to do it. Her attitude always is "I'm here, I may as well sing!" It's that way with all the cantors at St. Columba. Their servant attitude humbles me and makes my job so easy!
Isn't it interesting how we all have different perspectives on things? I feel so blessed to be learning the lessons my bishop is teaching me. They have colored everything I do, hopefully with a serving and humble attitude. (This is a work in progress!) Love isn't about complaining, even in our heads. It's about giving and giving and giving. No complaining allowed...well, it's allowed but I think we must try to work our way out of complaining when God calls us to do something. I'm working on not complaining at first, which is what I tend to do before I get to doing what it is I'm supposed to be doing at the moment. The ideal is not to complain at all. It's tough but a very worthwhile exercise!
I just thought of something. If I hadn't been blessed with the job at St. Columba (and, trust me, it is a huge blessing in many ways!), I wouldn't have had to listen to the woman's complaining. Not to have that job would have been a terrible loss in my life for lots of reasons. (I'm thinking of all the wonderful people I've met there, for one.) In that light, I am glad she complained!
I am offering up my suffering, that our Lord might use it for something good. And, maybe God is allowing this so that all of us involved will learn important things from it. I know, for me, it is an opportunity to trust God. It is also showing me more of my limitations and flaws. Everywhere I go, I have been asking, begging, for prayer support.
For the past month or more, I have felt as though I have been pouring my heart out over preparing the music for Christmas time and then executing it at Mass. So, it was quite a shock to my system yesterday morning before the holy day Mass when an elderly woman approached me, very irritated, chastising me for not programming "Go Tell it on the Mountain". She said it should have been the first hymn on Christmas Day. She was dead serious. In my head, I was thinking: from the sublime to the ridiculous. I deal with life and death every single day at the pregnancy center and here she was, complaining about something that seemed so trivial. However, I realized that, if it was her favorite Christmas carol, I could see why she would be perturbed that we hadn't sung it YET. I explained that it was coming...We would be singing it for Epiphany in the afternoon and today. That did little to appease her...or so her face showed. I told her there were 5 billion Christmas carols and I was doing my best to get in as many as I could. I really wanted to ask her to tell me something she thought I was doing right but I was so vexed I just wanted to retreat into my corner where the piano is and not talk to her for one minute longer than I had to.
I wonder what she thought of the beautiful rendition Krista, the cantor, did of the Ave Maria, minutes after her complaint. It brought tears to my eyes, listening to her. As her accompanist, I wanted to accompany her the very best way possible. She didn't really need me, though. Her voice soared all by itself!
Does the woman realize what a treasure we have in our cantors, every one of them? On my way to the church yesterday morning, I thought about how lovely it would be if Krista sang the Ave Maria for a prelude. She didn't hesitate when I asked her if she was warmed up enough to do it. Her attitude always is "I'm here, I may as well sing!" It's that way with all the cantors at St. Columba. Their servant attitude humbles me and makes my job so easy!
Isn't it interesting how we all have different perspectives on things? I feel so blessed to be learning the lessons my bishop is teaching me. They have colored everything I do, hopefully with a serving and humble attitude. (This is a work in progress!) Love isn't about complaining, even in our heads. It's about giving and giving and giving. No complaining allowed...well, it's allowed but I think we must try to work our way out of complaining when God calls us to do something. I'm working on not complaining at first, which is what I tend to do before I get to doing what it is I'm supposed to be doing at the moment. The ideal is not to complain at all. It's tough but a very worthwhile exercise!
I just thought of something. If I hadn't been blessed with the job at St. Columba (and, trust me, it is a huge blessing in many ways!), I wouldn't have had to listen to the woman's complaining. Not to have that job would have been a terrible loss in my life for lots of reasons. (I'm thinking of all the wonderful people I've met there, for one.) In that light, I am glad she complained!
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