moment of grace

I find it interesting how God prods me to do different things. Two weeks ago, I woke up in the middle of the night, unable to get back to sleep. I started thinking about one of my daycare families who lives in Kansas. (I did home daycare full time while we lived there.) I got up, realizing it was fruitless to try to sleep when my mind was so active. I went to the computer and started researching. What I discovered was shocking. I found out that the dad, Greg, had died 8 years ago at the age of 42. I kept searching and found his obituary. It said he had died of an automobile accident in Topeka. (They live in Olathe, which is a suburb of Kansas City.) I sat there, praying, grieving, wondering what had happened. He left 4 children. I did some figuring, realizing they had to have been pretty young. The older two, Kaitlyn and Shawn, had to have been 12 and 10, the younger two probably around 6 or 7.

This story really begins the summer before Greg died. I was playing for the 8 AM Mass at St. Lawrence and, afterward, Kathy and Kaitlyn came up to the piano to tell me they were visiting and wondered if we could go out to breakfast. It was such an awesome surprise to see them! What in the world were the chances that Kathy and Kaitlyn would go to Mass at the exact time and place where I was? It was so interesting and definitely not happenstance! That was back in the day when I also played at the Presbyterian church so I didn't have much time in between but we did manage to go for a quick bite and get relatively caught up. I got Kathy's email address with the intention of keeping in touch. However, the week after that, I was again at St. Lawrence practicing for Into the Woods when someone broke into my car and stole the little purse I'd hidden under my seat. Apparently, the strap was showing just enough to clue the thief in about it. With my purse went Kathy's info and I never did anything to write or call her.

Thinking back on that time, there were many things going on around me: my then husband had had an aortic aneurysm and been in intensive care for 28 days, then in a regular hospital room and then rehab, the total time 100 days, before coming home to convalesce more. It was a traumatic time for all of us, our children most especially. My mother died the following January. Then, that February, little 5 year old Matteo was diagnosed with cancer. (Remember, I was with his family and him every day for 9 months until he died.) To say I was a little busy is an understatement! So, now, fast forward to today and, as I sat at my computer, I felt so very badly that I hadn't taken the time to be in contact with them. Perhaps I could have brought a bit of solace.

I looked and looked on the internet for a phone number and address. It looked as though they were still living at the same address but the phone number was not clear. I prayed about what to do. Should I call her, after all this time? As the days went on, it became crystal clear that I had to call her. So, I called the one number that was listed. It was no longer in service. Dead end. Now what? A couple more days went by and suddenly it came to me: I had their phone number in my old address book, right under my nose the entire time! I went back to the computer and went into White Pages where I typed in the number and, voila!, up came Greg's name. Ohhh, what if it wasn't current, given it was in his name??? I couldn't think about it. I called the number. A young girl answered! I asked for Kathy and told her who I was.

We spent the next hour and a half, talking and talking. Kathy told me that she had just been thinking about me. One of her co-workers is pregnant with her second child and she was looking for daycare because her parents have been caring for her first child and they decided it would be too difficult to care for both children. Kathy had told her that, when she was pregnant with her second, she didn't have to worry because I was there, caring for her children. I loved hearing that...maybe she and I were thinking of one another at the exact same time! And, I loved caring for her children. When I told her that I'm discerning religious life, she said she could definitely see that because I've always had a great joy within me. She said I was always smiling at the end of the day when they'd pick their kids up from my house. Part of me didn't want to hang up. What I learned next, however, was so painful, I needed to hang up and process what I'd just heard...

They, all six, had been in their van, driving from Shawn’s soccer game that Mother’s Day morning. They were going back to the motel to play and swim. A deer hit an SUV across the median on the other side and was propelled with the force of a missile into their front window. Greg was killed almost instantly, Kathy rendered unconscious, her left eye dislocated, the left side of her face greatly compromised, Kaitlyn with scratches and everyone else covered in blood and guts. Greg was driving at 70 miles an hour. They're not sure how the car got stopped. Maybe Greg had the presence of mind to put his foot on the brake. The car stopped right before it would have careened over an incline.

Can you imagine 4 little kids, their dad dead, their mother unconscious, in a car with a dead deer? Blessedly, the people who were at the soccer game were coming along behind them and stopped. The rescuers took the 3 youngest to the fire station where they could give them showers. Kathy said it took two showers to get all the carnage off of them. Kaitlyn stayed back, going into adult mode by calling the motel to see who might be staying there from the soccer game and could help. Meanwhile, Kathy was brought by ambulance to the hospital and had gained consciousness. The people there were telling her she had to tell the kids what happened, who, by now, were at the hospital. She asked if she could hold them in her arms when she told them and they told her she couldn't. She said, "Then, we wait for my family to get here."

She told me the funeral was attended by more than a thousand people. They were lined up outside the church and into the field next to it. Many who had been coached by Greg over the years came in uniforms. It was a powerful celebration of Greg's life.

I asked her how she had survived. She said she didn't have a choice; four children were looking to her to see how she would react.

I've thought about what she said about not having a choice. She DID have a choice. She could have given up in despair. She said she'd had to have 4 surgeries on her face in 3 years. Any one of those could have done her in emotionally.

I can tell that she has great faith. She said she asked for a sign that Greg was in heaven. In short order, three came to her. Then, she told Greg that he was still the father and he had to help her raise them. I believe he has, through intercessory prayer. She said she definitely believes in guardian angels because there were things that happened that were out of the ordinary. Because of those, one or more of the kids was spared.

It is interesting how I was not going to be at peace until I called her. The Holy Spirit certainly is insistent! (I've called Him a pest in the past...I no longer think of Him as a pest. I find that these urgings are filled with opportunities for grace and for growing in love and faith and am in complete awe of how He directs me where to go next.) I told Kathy I would like to keep in touch. And, I will.

The one sobering thing I learned was that Kaitlyn just turned 21. That means I'm getting REALLY old...or, wait a sec...maybe I was just really young when I took care of her as a baby!

Regarding this, I have gained a sense of how earthly time is inconsequential. Superficially, it felt like we just picked up where we'd left off. However, it is more than that. I have a sense that my prayers today meant something 8 years ago. Back then, God knew I'd be praying for them now and so they were probably put to good use back then. I wish I could explain this better. I think I understand a little more about Our Lord being past, present and future. This insight makes my requests of the saints to pray for me and my loved ones all the more powerful because, here on earth, we can be a part of the communion of saints from generations before us and generations after us. We are all connected in God's realm. Alleluia!