lessons on raising children

This past Wednesday evening, I attended Relevant Radio's Fr. Rocky's talk "Five Virtues Every Parent Should Pass on to Their Children". Here are my notes on the points he made. What he had to say was excellent! I added my own thoughts below, in italics.

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To pass on the Faith to children, fathers and mothers should love one another, their children and their faith.

5 Virtues:

1. Hard Work: Give your children a taste for hard work. Teach them to take care of themselves and of others. (Eventually, they will need to take care of their own children and their parents in old age.) Give them a sense of satisfaction, of participation in life, through working hard. Hard work is a preparation for a strong spiritual life.

I have come to understand that discipline comes from parents teaching their kids to be obedient and to work hard. I think discipline comes out of following this point.

2. Sincerity and honesty: They can grow in sincerity through frequenting the sacrament of Confession. Train children not to feel sorry for themselves.

Children learn to be honest with themselves when they examine their consciences in preparation for Confession. If we teach them to feel sorry for themselves, they will not grow to be unselfish for their focus will always be on themselves. I would add to Fr. Rocky's point that complaining should not be allowed.And, truly, honesty is not the best policy. It's the ONLY policy!

3. Piety: Affection for God. Love for the Blessed Mother, through which we learn of Jesus' humanity. Say the Holy Rosary as a family. The Rosary is a sacramental, not a sacrament, so use it in ways children will get it...begin with one Hail Mary, then one decade, etc. Make Sundays special. Visit the adoration chapel with the children.

I remember, when I was in first grade and at Mass, I longed to be able to receive Holy Communion as the older children were. I believe that time of longing set the stage for my lifelong hunger for the Holy Eucharist and my yearning to be close to God. That desire came from what was happening in my home, where Catholic education, prayer, service to God and spending time with God in adoration were priorities.

4. Poverty: Don't consider anything your own. Try to have nothing superfluous. Don't complain if you're lacking something you need.

To me, this is vital. If we really heed what Jesus asks us to do, we must not concern ourselves with the extra baggage of unneeded things. And, realizing all things come from God and have very little to do with us, we'll get along much better in our lives and we'll be much freer to share our possessions with those who need them. And, in my opinion, complaining just leads to bitterness over what we think we lack.

5. Purity: Parents guide in use of TV, Internet, Radio. Have respect for one another. Definition of modesty: dress in such a way that people want to look at your face, not other parts of your body. That's where true communication happens.

I went to a concert last night that was a benefit for a local pro-life organization. While the performer was entertaining, I spent the entire time trying with concentrated effort to look at her face, not her upper thighs and the areas of her body near her upper thighs. The hemlines on her outfits were there and my eyes kept going there. Blessedly, her clothes did not show any cleavage but the rest was distracting, at least to me. I kept thinking about Fr. Rocky's definition of modesty and i decided this was not it. I kept picturing the performer who is very, very beautiful, in long dresses that would motivate us to look at her face, which is probably the prettiest face I've ever seen in my life. Yet and still...my eyes stayed focused on the area where her hems were unless I consciously moved them to her face. What a shame! If only people understood that their faces are the most interesting thing about themselves, especially when they are singing or saying something they want people to hear. I like Fr. Rocky's definition of modesty. If we all followed it, I believe we'd find ourselves taken much more seriously and respected more.

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Last night after the concert, I met someone whom I have admired from afar for a while. It was such a privilege to finally meet her! It was her son about whom I wrote last spring who was quoted in the local Catholic paper as having only one goal in life and that was to become a saint. Last night, I told his mother that I had great respect for her to have raised a son who, in this culture and day and age, would think like that. She said there was one teacher in particular who had influenced his thinking when he was young and also she had surrounded him with good Catholic families. I think that idea, in part, is the ticket. Parents need to take seriously the environment in which they raise their children. I also believe faith is the greatest gift we can give to our children and THAT begins in our homes.

Before the concert, I took myself out to dinner and found myself seated close to a family that had six children and a mother and a father. What caught my attention first was the dad, in profile, looked exactly like a priest friend of mine (who is now living in Florida). Then, I noticed the kids and started counting! THEN, I noticed the dad was getting after one of his sons who looked to be about 3. He called him Liam, which is my grandson's name. I kept observing. I noticed that the kids were all very well-behaved. Each one seemed to have an opportunity to have a say about whatever it was they were discussing around the table. The father showed affection to the children sitting next to him and to his entire family, in general. I was leaving the restaurant at the same time they were so I made it a point to tell the dad what I'd noticed and that I worked at a pro-life pregnancy center and that it warmed my heart to see such a large family. I thanked him for being open to life. He told me he enjoyed his kids a lot.

As you can see, I had a busy and productive evening last night. I was glad to gain an extra hour for sleep after all that!