a miracle story

A beautiful young woman came into the center as I was sitting at the front desk today. She told me she had an abortion scheduled for next Tuesday but wanted some information first. She was worried that she might have an ectopic pregnancy because she had had some cramping on her side. We talked about how far along she thought she might be (9 weeks). I asked if she'd had an ultrasound and she said they would do one at Regions Hospital, where her abortion was scheduled to be done. I told her, yes, from what I'd been told, I thought they would do an ultrasound but they wouldn't let her see her baby on it. I asked her if she knew anything about abortion. She said she did, a little. I told her what I knew to be true--that it's not the easy fix one would think, that women tell me over and over that they will never get over it. They think about their dead baby all the time, if it was a boy or girl, what he or she would have looked like, etc. I told her about the women who came to me, 20 years after their abortions. All I did was ask a simple question of them: How did that experience go for you? And, both immediately burst into tears. I said it never goes away. I told her that I thought it was because abortion asks a woman to do something that is against her natural instinct. Our instinct is to protect our children. Abortion asks us to kill them. I told her how, in an abortion at 9 weeks (which is what she conjectured she was), the vacuum breaks apart the baby's arms and legs to get them out and then the abortionist has to do an inventory of the baby's parts, making sure none is left behind in the mother so she won't bleed to death. She seemed to recoil at that. I told her there is a very real probability that she will miscarry succeeding pregnancies and even the possibility that she may never have another child. She listened very intently, urging me to continue by the questions she asked.

She told me about her life. She has a young daughter. Her daughter's father doesn't have anything to do with them so she feels pretty alone. Her new boyfriend had told her he would support this baby. She said it's hard raising a child alone and she felt ashamed at having a second child when she wasn't married and at her age. (She is in her early 20's.) I told her she'd feel even more shame if she aborted her child and she'd be feeling it all alone because it would be difficult to talk about with anyone.

Granted, I did a lot of talking, which I normally don't do (it's usually much, much better to draw the client out and get her talking so that she can work through things), but she was very receptive and interested in what I was telling her. I wanted so much to impart all the information she needed so she wouldn't go through with the abortion! Blessedly, her demeanor changed to a peacefulness as I finished. She said she thought she would cancel the appointment.

As it happened, she came in right as Ione, the sonographer, was finishing with her fourth and last scheduled ultrasound of the day. I quietly introduced her to Ione, explaining a little of what she'd told me, with the woman adding more detail. I asked Ione if she'd be willing to stay a bit to do an ultrasound for her. She said she just had to make a quick call home and then she could do it. Her mother was waiting to be driven home 90 miles away; her husband was waiting to go with them. Sometimes this work becomes a family affair!

I asked if I could go in to see the ultrasound and the client said I could. Her cousin, who had been the one to talk her into coming into the center, had come in by then, carrying her little one year old son. The cousin expressed delight that Ione was there. Ione had done an ultrasound on HER baby (yes, the very one she was now holding!) and she had been hoping she'd still be there. I went into my office and called two close friends, asking them to pray. They both said they would right away. I sat for a moment, praying and crying. I gathered myself together and knocked on the door...

As Ione was doing the ultrasound with the abdominal probe, she realized that the baby was probably not even 6 weeks along so she asked if she could use the vaginal probe, explaining that she would get a much better picture with it. As soon as she did, she found the baby's heartbeat as clear as can be. Of course, Ione has shown me many over the years to the point I could see it, too--and I made it known how exciting it was to see what we were seeing! (The thing is I ALWAYS get excited about seeing a baby's heart beating!) The client saw it then, too. Ione said the baby measured 5 weeks 5 days. She said she probably wouldn't be able to get a heart rate because it was so small but, guess what? She did! 112 beats per minute, a normal rate at that stage of development.

You have to understand. Our ultrasound machine should not, at least technically speaking, be able to depict a heart beat at 5 weeks 5 days and it definitely should not be able to register a heart rate. Ione has a theory. She thinks that, when a woman is abortion-minded, her baby senses he or she is in danger and, against all odds, pops out to make his or her presence known. She also believes, as I do, that the Holy Spirit takes a very active role in the whole process. Today was no exception! And, the mother cried, seeing her baby's heart beating away, strong as can be.

There was one very beautiful moment when Ione asked her if she'd convinced her of the baby. The client answered, "God has convinced me."

After I left the room, there was more paperwork to be done. Ione said to the client, "On the sheet here, it asks me to write your intention for this pregnancy. What should I put?" The client told her she was going to cancel the abortion appointment and she was going to parent.

We offered her an opportunity to have another ultrasound in 3 weeks so she would be able to see more of the baby. She made an appointment, saying she was going to bring her boyfriend with her next time. She gave me back the booklet, "Before You Decide" which talks about all options and gives details about how abortion is done. She said, "I won't be needing this one." My heart leaped for joy with that! She left the center, looking very peaceful and telling us she would be back for the ultrasound.

After she left, Ione showed me what the client had written on her intake sheet (which, in all the initial uproar, I'd forgotten to have her fill out but remembered later and had slipped it to Ione while they were doing paperwork). I cried as I read, "Thank you so much for the talk. It really blessed my heart. God bless you all."

As I sat, praying and crying and thanking God after everyone had left, I thought, "All in a day's work!" I had just witnessed the working of the Holy Spirit in a most awesome way. It was a great honor!

a beautiful prayer

The following was in the Magnificat on Wednesday. It is a prayer that resides in my heart (but it isn't quite so eloquent there!). My bishop's advice to me was correct: focus only on what God wants of you today. Last week, I decided to spend time every single day before the Blessed Sacrament (other than around Mass time). Many obstacles came my way to provide convenient excuses NOT to do it. When I figured out what was happening, I reminded myself that there are 24 hour adoration chapels everywhere I go: Blessed Sacrament Church, 2 blocks up from my work, St. John the Baptist, 5 minutes from my home, St. Columba, halfway between work (or anywhere else I go in St. Paul) and home, St. Charles Borromeo in Minneapolis when I'm over there for piano lessons. (If you live here, please know there are many more around, too...Epiphany in Coon Rapids, for one.) So, I said to myself, tell me again why you can't make it in for a mere 5 minutes (if you're THAT exhausted that you can't spend more time...) to thank God for all the blessings He has given you or ask what He has in mind for your work today? Truly, there was no excuse good enough. I started on Wednesday.

Anyway, here's the prayer. It's very beautiful.

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The Prayer of the Workers Hired Late
By Elisabeth Leseur (+1914), a French married laywoman whose cause for canonization is underway.

To love, to be unpretentious, to simplify my life--to go joyfully to God, seeking nothing for myself, in complete abandonment.

Never to lose sight of the intentions for which God wants me to pray, to suffer, and to act. In the midst of exterior activities and my obligations, to keep my inner attention fixed on God, to offer everything for those I love, for those Jesus desires, for the Church.

To be always ready to obey the inner call of this gentle Jesus to action or to suffering, or to eternity, too, when he wills, and to reply always with joy and generosity, "Here I am, Lord, ready to do your will." The day will come, will it not, O God, when it will be your will that I come to you, when the darkness and the sorrows shall vanish, and the burden of the body will no longer weigh on me, when my soul will fly at last, freely to your beauty, to plunge itself into your holiness, to drink in your love. When I have been delivered, I will love inexpressibly in you all those I will have rejoined, and those I will have left here below, when the true life will finally begin, to last forever. Blessed dawn of eternity, I greet you, not knowing whether from near or far! I must not hope for you because my only wish is to do God's will "in life or in death.' I know that I must first climb up to Calvary and hang upon the cross before knowing union with God; I know that I possess, and hope to possess still more here below, this union through the grace of God, in a great spirit of abandonment. I wait and, like the worker who does not know when he or she will receive the final reward, I want in the meantime to fulfill my responsibilities radiantly and peacefully solely for the love of him who has done everything for me.

life lessons

One of the things I've always thought I should be is true to myself. While I like the idea of being true to myself--what does that really mean? If I'm being completely honest, that seems like a selfish concept and one that could very possibly cause others hurt. The thing to which I should aspire is to be true to God, to be true to and live in the Truth because, being true to myself could very possibly mean giving into my sinful nature. Instead, why not just take myself and my self-centeredness out of the way for God to work in me and through me?

I am always under the erroneous assumption that everyone will come along with me or will agree with me or will see it my way...Talk about self-aggrandizement at its finest! I forget that others are not in the same place I am and, if I don't explain myself well, how can they understand or agree with me? And, maybe they aren’t meant to agree with me and MAYBE they are much further along on their journey to the Kingdom than I am...and that’s okay. I will use the experience as a way to learn more about holiness.

I HAVE been searching for Truth (yes, with a capital T) for many years now. I want to find God, know Him, love Him, obey Him, serve Him. My search, unwittingly enough, began when I was in college. I was working through a deep hurt inflicted upon me by someone I had held dear to my heart and I was in great pain over it. On recommendation of one of my professors, I sought help from a very wise psychologist. He and I worked for almost 6 months, trying to unearth what I was feeling. I’d had no clue when we began. He told me mine was one of the most challenging cases he'd experienced but he had hope we'd get to the bottom of it all. And, we did. Essentially, he taught me how to give myself permission to feel and how to express those feelings constructively. He gave me what seems a great gift that has lasted a lifetime. On the other hand, perhaps it gave me permission to focus too much on myself.

Fast forward many years to the time after my separation when I was again seeking to know God more fully. Another person came into my life and showed me how to find the Truth in Catholic teachings, doctrine and dogma. It, too, was a great gift. I hadn't known where to begin before we met.

Today, I'm trying very hard to live by the Truth but I fall short at times and hurt people. I'm not always the most diplomatic or they aren't ready to hear the truth or they don't want to hear it from me or I’m not patient enough...lots of reasons, some of which are a result of my faults and flaws and some could be the other person's flaws or deep-seated hurts inflicted upon him or her before he or she met me. For whatever reason, it all goes awry, leaving me to ponder how I could have done better and resolving to do something different in the future. And, maybe, just maybe, my "being true to myself" got in the way or I wasn't being completely truthful with myself.

I keep working at being less self-centered. I keep asking the Holy Spirit to intervene when I'm not doing a good job of it. I frequent Confession so God's grace will shine through in challenging situations. I never want to hurt someone but I can’t read others’ minds or know all the hurt they carry around with them so it might be unavoidable at times. However, during those times, I also must look within myself to find my culpability for the hurt and see that I still have a long, long way to go to be true to God. When I accidentally touch a nerve or the selfish part of me gets in the way, I resolve to do better. After all, how can we help one another get to heaven when there’s hurt or misunderstanding between us?

I am very blessed to have at the present time several wise and holy counselors. Every one of them brings lessons I must learn to grow closer to God. Some are difficult to hear or to learn. After all, it’s not easy facing oneself and one’s faults and sins! However, I embrace these teachers and their lessons because they are helping me in my pursuit of holiness by showing me the truth. Now, if I could just put their lessons into practice better...

where does the time go?

I am considering re-prioritizing the way I use time. Ever since I turned 50 time seems to have sped up as though it is a whirling vortex and I am in the center of it. I move through the day, going from one thing to the next, hardly taking a breath, until I arrive home to my cat loudly meowing her discontent at having been left all alone for 12 or more hours. (I tell her I can feel her pain!) I know what's missing: consistent time every day before Our Lord in His house. Yes, I go to daily Mass and I offer little prayers, almost nonstop, as I go about my business but it's not the same. I don't stop and focus entirely on Him for any length of time. I don't listen intently for any length of time to what He would like to tell me.

I had the privilege to go to Confession and attend morning Mass at Transfiguration Church on this, the feast of the Transfiguration, today. The entire time, from the moment I entered the building until I left, was grace-filled. First, I went to Confession. I ALWAYS feel better afterward and today was no exception. At the end of my face-to-face Confession, I introduced myself to the new pastor and told him I was the director of LifeCare Center East. He was so gracious! He said he'd heard so much about me and the center and would like to meet me for coffee soon to talk about how the parish could support us even more than they already are. I felt buoyed by his generous and hospitable spirit!

Next, I discovered that the pastor has instituted an hour of adoration before the Blessed Sacrament before daily Mass. I'd wished I'd come a half hour earlier. What a treasure this was for my heart! What a blessing this was for my weary spirit!

Mass was very beautiful. We sang an opening and closing hymn. Whenever this happens at daily Mass, there comes a second when I wish I'd known ahead of time so I could volunteer to accompany. However, this passes quickly because there is something very lovely about a congregation singing a capella and SOMETIMES I must rest from the duty of leading music at Mass. (Last week, for example, I played for at least one Mass every single day, except Wednesday: Sunday--1 Mass at St. Columba, 1 Mass at the Sisters', Monday--funeral at St. Columba, Tuesday--morning Mass at the Sisters', Thursday--morning Mass at the Sisters, funeral at St. Columba, Friday--funeral at the Sisters, Saturday--evening anticipatory Mass at St. Columba, Sunday--2 masses, one at St. Columba, one at the Sisters'.) Father intoned the Kyrie, then led us in the (spoken) Gloria. He taught us a little about Mount Tabor in his homily, which made me wish I could go there one day. He also said he hoped that, five years from now, the parish would have many vocations to the priesthood come out of it. His goal is to welcome more and more people to the parish and to get to know every single parishioner by name within the next year. I can tell this man is not one to be idle!

One of my favorite parts was when everyone knelt at the Consecration. Historically, the people at this parish have stood and it has always bothered me. Kneeling at the Consecration is a sign of reverence and respect for Our Lord's great sacrifice for us. I believe we should be kneeling! In the latest issue of The Catholic Spirit, our local Catholic paper, our archbishop addresses this very well: http://thecatholicspirit.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=4112&Itemid=108

I walked out of the church, feeling as though I was floating to my car. I took myself out to breakfast at a little locally owned diner to continue the celebration of this most beautiful feast day and thought about all that I'd been given in one short hour. I was overwhelmed by God's goodness!