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I was called the other day to plan the music for and play at a funeral for a man who had died. Here is his obituary, published yesterday in the local St. Paul newspaper:
William A. Trautner
Age 87, of St. Paul Passed Away July 25, 2010 Preceded in death by his parents, Nicholas and Mathilda Trautner; sisters, Frances Mary Trautner and Margaret Trautner. Survived by nephew, Thomas Trautner. Mass of Christian Burial 10AM Thursday, July 29 with visitation from 9-10AM at THE CHURCH OF ST. COLUMBA, 1327 Lafond Ave. at Hamline, St. Paul. Burial at Resurrection Cemetery in Mendota Heights.
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I had been told that there would probably be no one at the funeral. I was surprised, then, when, as I drove up to the church, I noticed several people standing outside the church. It took me a few minutes to realize they were all workers from the funeral home and would be acting as pall bearers.
When I arrived inside the church, about a half hour before Mass was to begin, there was no one in the church. The open casket, adorned with a gigantic bouquet of flowers and made of very expensive looking wood, was in the back. I walked back to the casket to say a little prayer. I noticed William was all dressed up and looking rather dapper for a dead guy! I had a passing thought: why did they go to the trouble of doing all that and have the casket open when no one would be there? The answer came: because every life has dignity and he had been cared for as any human being in death deserved. I thought it was beautiful and in great contrast to the little babies who had been murdered in their mothers' wombs and whose bodies had been thrown in the trash. (My work at LifeCare Center East seems to always infiltrate at moments like this.) Here was a body that had been treated with dignity, carefully embalmed and dressed with great care.
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For the past three days, I have spent much time thinking about this whole thing. When I was told that Father, the sacristan/server (Mike), the sacristan/reader (Peggy) and the two of us musicians (Krista and I) might be the only people who would be in attendance, I thought about how sad it would be that no one would be there praying for William so I started planning the most beautiful music I could think of and inviting people to the funeral. I told them it would be a spiritual work of mercy (praying for the dead) to be there and explaining that I had been told he left no relatives (except a nephew in CA) or friends. However, that wasn't quite true, as I discovered when I read the obituary. Three people had signed his guest book. Here are their entries:
July 29, 2010
Nice, nice gentleman. It was an honor knowing Bill. Jean
July 28, 2010
I remember Bill, very nice guy. Sorry to hear of your lost, but I know hes in a better place with the rest.
Theresa IPC,
St. Paul, Minnesota
July 28, 2010
Bill it was great being your friend...I will miss you Paul
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In total, besides the 5 of us and the 8 funeral home people, 10 people attended the funeral: three women whom none of us knew (were they his caretakers in his last years of life? I wish now I'd asked them!), one man from the parish whose name I should know, two women (Mary and Francine) who had spent the previous hour in the adoration chapel and noticed there was no one coming to the funeral so THEY came, the parish administrator (Cindy), one Franciscan Brother of Peace (Brother Seraphim) and two young women (Hannah and Theresa) who had responded to my plea on Face Book to be there.
It was so beautiful! People participated fully in the Mass, Krista sang her heart out, the readings were uplifting--all in honor of a man few of us knew. I could feel everyone praying for him. It was very powerful!
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I wonder what William's life was like. How did he spend his "dash"--you know, the dash that is on the tombstone between the date of birth and the date of death. The dash represents all the time between the two dates. What I know to be true is that those years were unique to William because he was the only one who lived them. I also know that his life meant something, especially to God.
The Church teaches us to pray for those who have died. What if no one prayed for William? Of course, when I heard about his death, I had no idea if his deceased relatives were praying for him but it seemed very important that people still alive should pray for him at his resurrection Mass. And, they did!
After today, I doubt I will ever think about death the same way again. I can tell you one thing. I have lost my irrational fear of dying alone, with no one to mourn my passing, no one to attend my funeral Mass. The important thing is how I am spending my "dash" and what I will leave behind as a living legacy dwelling within people who have crossed my path throughout my life--a legacy of love, if I successfully live my life. I have a hunch William left that and more.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Friday, July 23, 2010
meditation of the day
Here's something I read in the Magnificat for this past Wednesday. It was a reflection on Matthew 13:1-9, the Gospel for that day. It's by Brother Lawrence of the Resurrection (+1691), a French Carmelite friar. It's entitled "How to Produce the Hundredfold". It has much food for thought, if you ask me!
"We must keep our eyes fixed on God in everything we say, do, or undertake. Our goal is to be the most perfect adorers of God in this life as we hope to be throughout all eternity. We must make a firm resolution to overcome, with God's grace, all the difficulties inherent in the spiritual life.
When we undertake the spiritual life we must seriously consider who we are, recognizing that we are worthy of all scorn, unworthy of the name Christian, and subject to all kinds of miseries, and a multitude of setbacks. These disturb us and make our health, our moods, our inner dispositions, and their outward manifestations changeable; in all, we are persons God wants to humble by means of a multitude of internal and external troubles and trials.
We must believe that it is advantageous for us and pleasing to God to sacrifice ourselves to him; that it is normal for his divine providence to abandon us to all sorts of trials, miseries, and temptations for the love of God and for as long as He likes. Without this submission of heart and mind to the will of God, devotion and perfection cannot endure.
A soul depends on grace in proportion to its desire for greater perfection. God's help is necessary at every moment because without it the soul can do nothing. The world, nature, and the devil together wage war so fiercely and so relentlessly that, without this special help and this humble, necessary dependence, they would carry off the soul against its will. This seems contrary to nature, but grace finds pleasure and peace therein."
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Ever since I met with Mother Mary Clare of the Handmaids of the Heart of Jesus on Tuesday, for the past two days, I have come under attack by the devil. There have been huge temptations to think, feel and do things that I wouldn't have thought possible. Oh, it was all very sly on Satan's part. He seemed to be using my natural inclination toward pride. Today, I am doing better but it is ONLY by God's grace that this is so. I find a small consolation in the thought that, if the evil one is trying this hard to derail my effort to submit to God's will in all things, perhaps I'm on the right track. I don't think he'd bother if he didn't see my effort as good. Oh, how I despise him! I am not going to give him any credence by saying much more here.
I know that I must always keep my eyes fixed on my dear Lord. The thing is I can talk well on this but...do I honestly DO this every moment of my life? My sins are so great! However, my hope, my faith lies in God who is ever merciful and forgiving of me, always ready to help me get up and try again. Yesterday, I wanted to give it all up, run away and hide. (Yes, it's true. The trouble was I couldn't run away from myself.) Today, after hearing the readings at Mass, I am at peace. Here are the readings: Jeremiah 3:14-17, Jeremiah 31:10-13 and Matthew 13:18-23. In them, God promises to protect us, to bring us to Him and that, through our faith in Him, we will bear much fruit. Look them up and you'll see what I mean.
How blessed we are to know, love and serve such a gracious God! Forgive me if I've said this before but I cannot stop saying it. It will be as true tomorrow and the next day and the next as it is today. The sufferings we endure in this life are opportunities for us to seek God. He's always there, waiting for us, wanting us to be with Him. These thoughts helped carry me through the past two days. It wasn't easy because I am certainly not perfect (and I didn't know what I was up against at first, which is how insidious Satan and his temptations are) but I knew that God was with me. After all, He promised he would be.
"We must keep our eyes fixed on God in everything we say, do, or undertake. Our goal is to be the most perfect adorers of God in this life as we hope to be throughout all eternity. We must make a firm resolution to overcome, with God's grace, all the difficulties inherent in the spiritual life.
When we undertake the spiritual life we must seriously consider who we are, recognizing that we are worthy of all scorn, unworthy of the name Christian, and subject to all kinds of miseries, and a multitude of setbacks. These disturb us and make our health, our moods, our inner dispositions, and their outward manifestations changeable; in all, we are persons God wants to humble by means of a multitude of internal and external troubles and trials.
We must believe that it is advantageous for us and pleasing to God to sacrifice ourselves to him; that it is normal for his divine providence to abandon us to all sorts of trials, miseries, and temptations for the love of God and for as long as He likes. Without this submission of heart and mind to the will of God, devotion and perfection cannot endure.
A soul depends on grace in proportion to its desire for greater perfection. God's help is necessary at every moment because without it the soul can do nothing. The world, nature, and the devil together wage war so fiercely and so relentlessly that, without this special help and this humble, necessary dependence, they would carry off the soul against its will. This seems contrary to nature, but grace finds pleasure and peace therein."
+ + + + +
Ever since I met with Mother Mary Clare of the Handmaids of the Heart of Jesus on Tuesday, for the past two days, I have come under attack by the devil. There have been huge temptations to think, feel and do things that I wouldn't have thought possible. Oh, it was all very sly on Satan's part. He seemed to be using my natural inclination toward pride. Today, I am doing better but it is ONLY by God's grace that this is so. I find a small consolation in the thought that, if the evil one is trying this hard to derail my effort to submit to God's will in all things, perhaps I'm on the right track. I don't think he'd bother if he didn't see my effort as good. Oh, how I despise him! I am not going to give him any credence by saying much more here.
I know that I must always keep my eyes fixed on my dear Lord. The thing is I can talk well on this but...do I honestly DO this every moment of my life? My sins are so great! However, my hope, my faith lies in God who is ever merciful and forgiving of me, always ready to help me get up and try again. Yesterday, I wanted to give it all up, run away and hide. (Yes, it's true. The trouble was I couldn't run away from myself.) Today, after hearing the readings at Mass, I am at peace. Here are the readings: Jeremiah 3:14-17, Jeremiah 31:10-13 and Matthew 13:18-23. In them, God promises to protect us, to bring us to Him and that, through our faith in Him, we will bear much fruit. Look them up and you'll see what I mean.
How blessed we are to know, love and serve such a gracious God! Forgive me if I've said this before but I cannot stop saying it. It will be as true tomorrow and the next day and the next as it is today. The sufferings we endure in this life are opportunities for us to seek God. He's always there, waiting for us, wanting us to be with Him. These thoughts helped carry me through the past two days. It wasn't easy because I am certainly not perfect (and I didn't know what I was up against at first, which is how insidious Satan and his temptations are) but I knew that God was with me. After all, He promised he would be.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
a moment of grace
Today, the bishop came to celebrate Mass with us at St. Columba. The entire thing was beautiful. He gave a most thought-provoking homily on who our neighbors really are. The church was packed. The Vietnamese choir and our choir shared the music duties. The first reading and the psalm were spoken and sung in Vietnamese. This is the weekend of the parish festival and so the bishop made the rounds afterward, stopping to visit with everyone.
Something very personal happened at Mass. I wasn't playing during Communion (the Vietnamese were singing) so I had an opportunity to join the congregational procession. (I usually receive with the altar servers in the sanctuary before I begin playing the Communion hymn.) I was excited when I figured out I could go through the first pew and receive Holy Communion from the bishop. (I LOVE receiving from bishops!) Well, I forgot that Dolores, who always sits in the front pew, stays put because of her infirmities and inability to walk fast. (I think I surprised her by my sudden appearance right next to her!) Holy Communion comes to her...and so I was stopped, dead in my tracks, to stand next to her. A second of resentment flashed through me and then it seems the Holy Spirit got hold of me. Deacon Tom came over and brought Holy Communion to both of us as we stood, side by side. Then, an Extraordinary Minister came over with the Precious Blood. As I reflected on the moment as I prayed right after, I realized what a blessing God had given to me to receive Holy Communion with Dolores who is ALWAYS alone in the pew and who smiles at me encouragingly as I play for Mass. (She is in my vision as I sit at the piano.) After Mass, I went over to talk with her. She told me she had had the same exact reaction--that the moment became very special to her, too! I said, at that moment, I was thankful for her infirmity because it had become a moment of grace, a humbling moment, in my life. She was very touched that it had meant so much to me because, she said, it had meant a lot to her, too.
From this, I figured out that it doesn't matter from whom we receive Our Lord, just as long as we receive Him. I told this story to the bishop after Mass and he said we might think the donkey was pretty special, carrying Our Lord into Jerusalem, but it didn't matter which donkey it was, as long as Jesus was brought there. I asked, in mock horror, if he was equating Deacon Tom with a donkey. He said, "No, no, of course not!" (I think he was a little horrified that I'd come up with that analogy!) I thought it was appropriate, though, for him to say what he did because what I really saw was that it doesn't matter the mode in which we receive Jesus, as long as we do.
Something very personal happened at Mass. I wasn't playing during Communion (the Vietnamese were singing) so I had an opportunity to join the congregational procession. (I usually receive with the altar servers in the sanctuary before I begin playing the Communion hymn.) I was excited when I figured out I could go through the first pew and receive Holy Communion from the bishop. (I LOVE receiving from bishops!) Well, I forgot that Dolores, who always sits in the front pew, stays put because of her infirmities and inability to walk fast. (I think I surprised her by my sudden appearance right next to her!) Holy Communion comes to her...and so I was stopped, dead in my tracks, to stand next to her. A second of resentment flashed through me and then it seems the Holy Spirit got hold of me. Deacon Tom came over and brought Holy Communion to both of us as we stood, side by side. Then, an Extraordinary Minister came over with the Precious Blood. As I reflected on the moment as I prayed right after, I realized what a blessing God had given to me to receive Holy Communion with Dolores who is ALWAYS alone in the pew and who smiles at me encouragingly as I play for Mass. (She is in my vision as I sit at the piano.) After Mass, I went over to talk with her. She told me she had had the same exact reaction--that the moment became very special to her, too! I said, at that moment, I was thankful for her infirmity because it had become a moment of grace, a humbling moment, in my life. She was very touched that it had meant so much to me because, she said, it had meant a lot to her, too.
From this, I figured out that it doesn't matter from whom we receive Our Lord, just as long as we receive Him. I told this story to the bishop after Mass and he said we might think the donkey was pretty special, carrying Our Lord into Jerusalem, but it didn't matter which donkey it was, as long as Jesus was brought there. I asked, in mock horror, if he was equating Deacon Tom with a donkey. He said, "No, no, of course not!" (I think he was a little horrified that I'd come up with that analogy!) I thought it was appropriate, though, for him to say what he did because what I really saw was that it doesn't matter the mode in which we receive Jesus, as long as we do.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
more on suffering
I just received this in today's email. It's good!
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Lessons in Suffering
In suffering we are tempted to lose hope and faith in the Lord’s love and in His desire for our eternal life with Him. But that same suffering can teach us, if we let it, to turn to God and place our hope and trust in Him.
— from Safely Through the Storm
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Lessons in Suffering
In suffering we are tempted to lose hope and faith in the Lord’s love and in His desire for our eternal life with Him. But that same suffering can teach us, if we let it, to turn to God and place our hope and trust in Him.
— from Safely Through the Storm
repercussion of obedience to the Church
I am beginning to understand a little about Jesus' warning in Luke 12:
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"Do you think that I have come to establish peace on the earth? No, I tell you, but rather division.
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From now on a household of five will be divided, three against two and two against three;
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a father will be divided against his son and a son against his father, a mother against her daughter and a daughter against her mother, a mother-in-law against her daughter-in-law and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law."
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He was right (as per usual!). His coming did not bring peace. It brought division between believers and non-believers. I am seeing that there can be a great divide between those who do not choose to follow Him and those who choose to follow Him.
Some of my beloved have turned their backs on me when they discovered I am trying very hard to be obedient to ALL the Catholic Church teachings, not just the ones with which I agree. (Trust me, this kind of obedience has been a great challenge for me at times.) This is especially true of some of my friends and family who are living in gay or lesbian relationships. It doesn't seem to matter that I have never ever expressed judgment regarding their lives to them. (I haven't, nor would I ever.) They've heard through the grapevine that I've decided to follow the Church and that's enough for them to apparently consider me the enemy. It makes me wonder of what they are afraid. Do they think I'd try to live their lives for them? Good grief, I have enough trouble living my own life! Are they afraid they might discover something that they don't want to face? One friend, after listening to me tell my story, proclaimed I was proselytizing and he didn't want anything to do with me. He didn't understand that, when I talk about my life, my story ALWAYS involves God. I had no intention of proselytizing in reporting to him the events of my life from my perspective. It was just me being me! It made me wonder how tolerant HE is of people who think differently than he does.
What I have come to understand is that none of us are in the same place when it comes to spiritual matters. Essentially, we walk that road alone. By this, I don't mean without God because He is always with us, but without other human beings walking the same exact path. And, we must respect this. It doesn't mean we always like what others do. It doesn't mean that we don't have a responsibility to help them to see the truth. It does mean we must love one another. It always comes down to love, doesn't it? And, that is a beautiful thing!
51
"Do you think that I have come to establish peace on the earth? No, I tell you, but rather division.
52
From now on a household of five will be divided, three against two and two against three;
53
a father will be divided against his son and a son against his father, a mother against her daughter and a daughter against her mother, a mother-in-law against her daughter-in-law and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law."
+ + + + + +
He was right (as per usual!). His coming did not bring peace. It brought division between believers and non-believers. I am seeing that there can be a great divide between those who do not choose to follow Him and those who choose to follow Him.
Some of my beloved have turned their backs on me when they discovered I am trying very hard to be obedient to ALL the Catholic Church teachings, not just the ones with which I agree. (Trust me, this kind of obedience has been a great challenge for me at times.) This is especially true of some of my friends and family who are living in gay or lesbian relationships. It doesn't seem to matter that I have never ever expressed judgment regarding their lives to them. (I haven't, nor would I ever.) They've heard through the grapevine that I've decided to follow the Church and that's enough for them to apparently consider me the enemy. It makes me wonder of what they are afraid. Do they think I'd try to live their lives for them? Good grief, I have enough trouble living my own life! Are they afraid they might discover something that they don't want to face? One friend, after listening to me tell my story, proclaimed I was proselytizing and he didn't want anything to do with me. He didn't understand that, when I talk about my life, my story ALWAYS involves God. I had no intention of proselytizing in reporting to him the events of my life from my perspective. It was just me being me! It made me wonder how tolerant HE is of people who think differently than he does.
What I have come to understand is that none of us are in the same place when it comes to spiritual matters. Essentially, we walk that road alone. By this, I don't mean without God because He is always with us, but without other human beings walking the same exact path. And, we must respect this. It doesn't mean we always like what others do. It doesn't mean that we don't have a responsibility to help them to see the truth. It does mean we must love one another. It always comes down to love, doesn't it? And, that is a beautiful thing!
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