torment

Lately, I have been agonizing over something and still have come to no solid conclusion about it. Whenever I see someone about to commit what the Church would consider a mortal sin or he or she is, in fact, doing something that is considered by the the Church (objectively) to be a mortal sin, I am stymied as to how to react. After all, who am I, a great sinner, to be pointing out others' sins?

The Church teaches that there are three conditions that must be met in order for a sin to be mortal. They are: it has to be grave matter, it has to be committed with full knowledge of the sinner and it has to be committed with deliberate consent of the sinner. It's not difficult to see if something is grave matter or not. The 10 commandments are one source that can guide us--the Church teachings and our consciences are others. The second two are more difficult to see from the outside (me) looking in (the other person). How do I know for certain that he or she has full knowledge that it is a sin? How do I know if he or she is willfully doing it?

If a person does not know something is a sin and I do, isn't it my responsibility to teach him or her that it is? Ultimately, wouldn't it be on my shoulders if I failed to show someone the way to God, if I had an opportunity to do so but didn't?

Then, in today's world, what I hear most of all is "don't judge" as if that's a terrible sin. Shouldn't we judge one another's actions either good or bad, so that, if necessary, we can help one another get back on track? I think it's our responsibility TO judge, in this light! The fact is all of our actions are either good or bad.

There can be terrible widespread effects of sin, especially if that sin is made public. The Catechism of the Catholic Church (CCC) teaches:

1868 Sin is a personal act. Moreover, we have a responsibility for the sins committed by others when we cooperate in them:

—by participating directly and voluntarily in them;

—by ordering, advising, praising, or approving them;

—by not disclosing or not hindering them when we have an obligation to do so;

—by protecting evil-doers (no. 1868, original emphasis).

2284 Scandal is an attitude or behavior which leads another to do evil. The person who gives scandal becomes his neighbor’s tempter. He damages virtue and integrity; he may even draw his brother into spiritual death. Scandal is a grave offense if by deed or omission another is deliberately led into a grave offense.

2287 Anyone who uses the power at his disposal in such a way that it leads others to do wrong becomes guilty of scandal and responsible for the evil that he has directly or indirectly encouraged. ‘Temptations to sin are sure to come; but woe to him by whom they come!’ (Lk. 17:1)

I have a friend who is about to commit adultery in a public way. She and her "fiance" are both considered married in the eyes of the Church. Neither has applied for an annulment, nor do they have plans to do so. They are planning to be married in a civil ceremony in her sister's backyard by a local county judge next month. The Church considers this a sin. This is from the CCC:

"Fornication and adultery are mortal sins. Those who persist in these sins endanger their salvation. They violate the Sixth Commandment (CCC, nos. 2331-2400). Living together before marriage is fornication (CCC, no. 2353). Subsequent marriage of the couple does not blot out the sins they already committed, nor does the wedding itself necessarily change their attitudes or habits toward chastity and purity. Divorce and remarriage is an act of adultery, regardless of whether the "spouses" are Catholic or not (cf. Mk. 10:10-12; CCC, no. 2384). For a Catholic who marries outside the Church, the Church does not recognize the marriage, and the union is considered adulterous (Code of Canon Law, canon 1108). [1] No one should promote fornication or adultery."

I keep coming back to an analogy. If I saw someone walking in the direction of a huge forest fire, would it not be my responsibility to warn him and advise him to change directions so he wouldn't get burned? This seems to be the same thing. If I see someone walking away from God, should I not warn him? The fires of hell are way more terrible than a forest fire. A forest fire is temporary; hell is for all eternity.

What is my responsibility in this particular situation? After praying about it for a long while and before I knew the wedding was imminent, I had encouraged my friend to look into applying for an annulment. Apparently, she rejected that idea. Then, when her sister told me she is getting married in HER backyard and a judge, a "dear friend" of hers, is presiding over it, I was beside myself with grief. Not only is her sister about to publicly turn her back on the Church by proclaiming her adultery, she is aiding it by hosting the event!

What I've seen in situations like this is it causes great scandal. People present or people hearing about it think it's not a sin because someone else did it. Pretty soon, there is no consideration of any sin involved! If we look at society, we can see this has been true, over and over. What the Church teaches is that, if we cause scandal, we are helping others commit sin and we will be held accountable.

So, now, what do I do? Can I figure these people know the truth but are rejecting it? After all, it's their choice to accept it or reject it. It is not my job to interfere with anyone's free will. On the other hand, shouldn't I warn them of the folly of these actions? They are risking their souls.

This is very painful for me on many levels. I continue to pray...and know that God is watching over us. I pray for His mercy on us all and that these dear people will reconsider before it's too late.