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Wednesday, June 30, 2010
torment, part 2
One of the hugest torments about this situation for me is that the people involved will not be allowed to receive Holy Communion once they go through with the civil wedding. Do they understand what they will be missing? Do they think so little of Our Lord that they would turn their backs on His precious Gift of Himself? If they think they CAN receive Him under the circumstances, they must not know that it's considered a mortal sin for them to do so. The bottom line is they will fail to receive any of the graces of the Sacrament. Too, they won't receive any grace in their pseudo-marriage because it will not be a sacrament. These are such sad thoughts for me.
torment
Lately, I have been agonizing over something and still have come to no solid conclusion about it. Whenever I see someone about to commit what the Church would consider a mortal sin or he or she is, in fact, doing something that is considered by the the Church (objectively) to be a mortal sin, I am stymied as to how to react. After all, who am I, a great sinner, to be pointing out others' sins?
The Church teaches that there are three conditions that must be met in order for a sin to be mortal. They are: it has to be grave matter, it has to be committed with full knowledge of the sinner and it has to be committed with deliberate consent of the sinner. It's not difficult to see if something is grave matter or not. The 10 commandments are one source that can guide us--the Church teachings and our consciences are others. The second two are more difficult to see from the outside (me) looking in (the other person). How do I know for certain that he or she has full knowledge that it is a sin? How do I know if he or she is willfully doing it?
If a person does not know something is a sin and I do, isn't it my responsibility to teach him or her that it is? Ultimately, wouldn't it be on my shoulders if I failed to show someone the way to God, if I had an opportunity to do so but didn't?
Then, in today's world, what I hear most of all is "don't judge" as if that's a terrible sin. Shouldn't we judge one another's actions either good or bad, so that, if necessary, we can help one another get back on track? I think it's our responsibility TO judge, in this light! The fact is all of our actions are either good or bad.
There can be terrible widespread effects of sin, especially if that sin is made public. The Catechism of the Catholic Church (CCC) teaches:
1868 Sin is a personal act. Moreover, we have a responsibility for the sins committed by others when we cooperate in them:
—by participating directly and voluntarily in them;
—by ordering, advising, praising, or approving them;
—by not disclosing or not hindering them when we have an obligation to do so;
—by protecting evil-doers (no. 1868, original emphasis).
2284 Scandal is an attitude or behavior which leads another to do evil. The person who gives scandal becomes his neighbor’s tempter. He damages virtue and integrity; he may even draw his brother into spiritual death. Scandal is a grave offense if by deed or omission another is deliberately led into a grave offense.
2287 Anyone who uses the power at his disposal in such a way that it leads others to do wrong becomes guilty of scandal and responsible for the evil that he has directly or indirectly encouraged. ‘Temptations to sin are sure to come; but woe to him by whom they come!’ (Lk. 17:1)
I have a friend who is about to commit adultery in a public way. She and her "fiance" are both considered married in the eyes of the Church. Neither has applied for an annulment, nor do they have plans to do so. They are planning to be married in a civil ceremony in her sister's backyard by a local county judge next month. The Church considers this a sin. This is from the CCC:
"Fornication and adultery are mortal sins. Those who persist in these sins endanger their salvation. They violate the Sixth Commandment (CCC, nos. 2331-2400). Living together before marriage is fornication (CCC, no. 2353). Subsequent marriage of the couple does not blot out the sins they already committed, nor does the wedding itself necessarily change their attitudes or habits toward chastity and purity. Divorce and remarriage is an act of adultery, regardless of whether the "spouses" are Catholic or not (cf. Mk. 10:10-12; CCC, no. 2384). For a Catholic who marries outside the Church, the Church does not recognize the marriage, and the union is considered adulterous (Code of Canon Law, canon 1108). [1] No one should promote fornication or adultery."
I keep coming back to an analogy. If I saw someone walking in the direction of a huge forest fire, would it not be my responsibility to warn him and advise him to change directions so he wouldn't get burned? This seems to be the same thing. If I see someone walking away from God, should I not warn him? The fires of hell are way more terrible than a forest fire. A forest fire is temporary; hell is for all eternity.
What is my responsibility in this particular situation? After praying about it for a long while and before I knew the wedding was imminent, I had encouraged my friend to look into applying for an annulment. Apparently, she rejected that idea. Then, when her sister told me she is getting married in HER backyard and a judge, a "dear friend" of hers, is presiding over it, I was beside myself with grief. Not only is her sister about to publicly turn her back on the Church by proclaiming her adultery, she is aiding it by hosting the event!
What I've seen in situations like this is it causes great scandal. People present or people hearing about it think it's not a sin because someone else did it. Pretty soon, there is no consideration of any sin involved! If we look at society, we can see this has been true, over and over. What the Church teaches is that, if we cause scandal, we are helping others commit sin and we will be held accountable.
So, now, what do I do? Can I figure these people know the truth but are rejecting it? After all, it's their choice to accept it or reject it. It is not my job to interfere with anyone's free will. On the other hand, shouldn't I warn them of the folly of these actions? They are risking their souls.
This is very painful for me on many levels. I continue to pray...and know that God is watching over us. I pray for His mercy on us all and that these dear people will reconsider before it's too late.
The Church teaches that there are three conditions that must be met in order for a sin to be mortal. They are: it has to be grave matter, it has to be committed with full knowledge of the sinner and it has to be committed with deliberate consent of the sinner. It's not difficult to see if something is grave matter or not. The 10 commandments are one source that can guide us--the Church teachings and our consciences are others. The second two are more difficult to see from the outside (me) looking in (the other person). How do I know for certain that he or she has full knowledge that it is a sin? How do I know if he or she is willfully doing it?
If a person does not know something is a sin and I do, isn't it my responsibility to teach him or her that it is? Ultimately, wouldn't it be on my shoulders if I failed to show someone the way to God, if I had an opportunity to do so but didn't?
Then, in today's world, what I hear most of all is "don't judge" as if that's a terrible sin. Shouldn't we judge one another's actions either good or bad, so that, if necessary, we can help one another get back on track? I think it's our responsibility TO judge, in this light! The fact is all of our actions are either good or bad.
There can be terrible widespread effects of sin, especially if that sin is made public. The Catechism of the Catholic Church (CCC) teaches:
1868 Sin is a personal act. Moreover, we have a responsibility for the sins committed by others when we cooperate in them:
—by participating directly and voluntarily in them;
—by ordering, advising, praising, or approving them;
—by not disclosing or not hindering them when we have an obligation to do so;
—by protecting evil-doers (no. 1868, original emphasis).
2284 Scandal is an attitude or behavior which leads another to do evil. The person who gives scandal becomes his neighbor’s tempter. He damages virtue and integrity; he may even draw his brother into spiritual death. Scandal is a grave offense if by deed or omission another is deliberately led into a grave offense.
2287 Anyone who uses the power at his disposal in such a way that it leads others to do wrong becomes guilty of scandal and responsible for the evil that he has directly or indirectly encouraged. ‘Temptations to sin are sure to come; but woe to him by whom they come!’ (Lk. 17:1)
I have a friend who is about to commit adultery in a public way. She and her "fiance" are both considered married in the eyes of the Church. Neither has applied for an annulment, nor do they have plans to do so. They are planning to be married in a civil ceremony in her sister's backyard by a local county judge next month. The Church considers this a sin. This is from the CCC:
"Fornication and adultery are mortal sins. Those who persist in these sins endanger their salvation. They violate the Sixth Commandment (CCC, nos. 2331-2400). Living together before marriage is fornication (CCC, no. 2353). Subsequent marriage of the couple does not blot out the sins they already committed, nor does the wedding itself necessarily change their attitudes or habits toward chastity and purity. Divorce and remarriage is an act of adultery, regardless of whether the "spouses" are Catholic or not (cf. Mk. 10:10-12; CCC, no. 2384). For a Catholic who marries outside the Church, the Church does not recognize the marriage, and the union is considered adulterous (Code of Canon Law, canon 1108). [1] No one should promote fornication or adultery."
I keep coming back to an analogy. If I saw someone walking in the direction of a huge forest fire, would it not be my responsibility to warn him and advise him to change directions so he wouldn't get burned? This seems to be the same thing. If I see someone walking away from God, should I not warn him? The fires of hell are way more terrible than a forest fire. A forest fire is temporary; hell is for all eternity.
What is my responsibility in this particular situation? After praying about it for a long while and before I knew the wedding was imminent, I had encouraged my friend to look into applying for an annulment. Apparently, she rejected that idea. Then, when her sister told me she is getting married in HER backyard and a judge, a "dear friend" of hers, is presiding over it, I was beside myself with grief. Not only is her sister about to publicly turn her back on the Church by proclaiming her adultery, she is aiding it by hosting the event!
What I've seen in situations like this is it causes great scandal. People present or people hearing about it think it's not a sin because someone else did it. Pretty soon, there is no consideration of any sin involved! If we look at society, we can see this has been true, over and over. What the Church teaches is that, if we cause scandal, we are helping others commit sin and we will be held accountable.
So, now, what do I do? Can I figure these people know the truth but are rejecting it? After all, it's their choice to accept it or reject it. It is not my job to interfere with anyone's free will. On the other hand, shouldn't I warn them of the folly of these actions? They are risking their souls.
This is very painful for me on many levels. I continue to pray...and know that God is watching over us. I pray for His mercy on us all and that these dear people will reconsider before it's too late.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
dealing with the truth
One question I've been contemplating this week is how do we deal with the truth? In different times in my life, I've ignored it, I've denied it, I've thought it was interesting but didn't think it had much to do with me and I've made up my own version of the truth. Most recently, I've been trying very hard to embrace and live in it...and always tell it.
I ignored the truth when I didn't want to do what it would require of me. For example, when I was married I contracepted (much to my deep shame now) because I didn't want any more children at that point. How arrogant! How selfish! How ignorant! Little did I know that, in ignoring the truth, I missed out, the world missed out, in the huge blessings of the presence of the children I could have had. Granted, I may not have had other children but, given how I'd had 4 children in 5 and a half years, I doubt very much that would have been the case. One could say my selfish action changed our family in ways only God knows how.
I denied the truth when my sister was dying. That was probably a psychological defense mechanism against the terrible pain of losing her but nonetheless it was not me being very accepting of the truth. I've denied Christ, the Truth, in other ways, too, that involve other people. My denying the truth in those situations did no one any good.
Seeing the truth but believing it had no basis in the reality of my life is an interesting phenomenon, too. How many times have I passed by someone by the side of the road, begging for a few dollars, only to turn the other way? The cynic in me figured he was a fraud...but, what if he wasn't? Won't I have to answer to God about that? Do I REALLY want to take the chance that I might have denied Christ in those moments?
I also went through a period where I thought everything I did was good. It didn't matter if it was objectively considered a mortal sin or caused harm in a small way...If I deemed it good, it was good. Relativism was alive and well in me! I think, for many years, in my own mind, I could do no wrong. I had found a way to twist things around to make them seem so very good when, in reality, they were very, very bad.
All of these are but a few examples of the violence I did against the truth in my life. I've learned from my experience that we must guard the truth as if it was a precious jewel because it truly does lead us closer to God. We must live in the Truth!
These days, I try very hard to see the truth and to live by it, no matter how painful. There is great joy to be found in living in, and being obedient to, the Truth (God!) and I want to accept whatever comes my way via the truth for I know it is the way to eternal happiness.
In essence, I believe Jesus when He said: "If you remain in my word, you will truly be my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." (John 8:31-32) Amen, my dearest Lord!
I ignored the truth when I didn't want to do what it would require of me. For example, when I was married I contracepted (much to my deep shame now) because I didn't want any more children at that point. How arrogant! How selfish! How ignorant! Little did I know that, in ignoring the truth, I missed out, the world missed out, in the huge blessings of the presence of the children I could have had. Granted, I may not have had other children but, given how I'd had 4 children in 5 and a half years, I doubt very much that would have been the case. One could say my selfish action changed our family in ways only God knows how.
I denied the truth when my sister was dying. That was probably a psychological defense mechanism against the terrible pain of losing her but nonetheless it was not me being very accepting of the truth. I've denied Christ, the Truth, in other ways, too, that involve other people. My denying the truth in those situations did no one any good.
Seeing the truth but believing it had no basis in the reality of my life is an interesting phenomenon, too. How many times have I passed by someone by the side of the road, begging for a few dollars, only to turn the other way? The cynic in me figured he was a fraud...but, what if he wasn't? Won't I have to answer to God about that? Do I REALLY want to take the chance that I might have denied Christ in those moments?
I also went through a period where I thought everything I did was good. It didn't matter if it was objectively considered a mortal sin or caused harm in a small way...If I deemed it good, it was good. Relativism was alive and well in me! I think, for many years, in my own mind, I could do no wrong. I had found a way to twist things around to make them seem so very good when, in reality, they were very, very bad.
All of these are but a few examples of the violence I did against the truth in my life. I've learned from my experience that we must guard the truth as if it was a precious jewel because it truly does lead us closer to God. We must live in the Truth!
These days, I try very hard to see the truth and to live by it, no matter how painful. There is great joy to be found in living in, and being obedient to, the Truth (God!) and I want to accept whatever comes my way via the truth for I know it is the way to eternal happiness.
In essence, I believe Jesus when He said: "If you remain in my word, you will truly be my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." (John 8:31-32) Amen, my dearest Lord!
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
more on God's generosity
There is another angle to our acceptance of God's generosity and that is we must allow others to do things for us--and not feel guilty about it, not let our pride stand in the way of it happening AND by being very grateful about it. In the process of receiving and of giving, the receiver and the giver have an opportunity to experience the graciousness of God in humble and loving ways.
After I separated from my husband, a dear friend of mine, who knew my situation, wrote me a very kind note, enclosing a $100 gift certificate to the local grocery store. She said she didn't know how else to help me but wanted to do something. It warmed my heart, even though I felt a bit uneasy accepting something so generous from her. I realized I needed to accept it, not necessarily because I needed the monetary assistance (which maybe I did...I wasn't exactly not eating but I had quite a lot of debt I was struggling to pay off at the time) but because it was an opportunity for her to give of herself for the glory of God. She's always told me that she's been very blessed financially and I know she looks for ways to help others. To rob her of that opportunity would not have been right. And, it made me realize that I DID need help in many ways. It became a lesson in humility for me.
We must not let our pride get in the way of others helping us in ways that we really do need because, in those experiences, we allow the Holy Spirit to do His work and we just may be helping others gain heaven as a result.
After I separated from my husband, a dear friend of mine, who knew my situation, wrote me a very kind note, enclosing a $100 gift certificate to the local grocery store. She said she didn't know how else to help me but wanted to do something. It warmed my heart, even though I felt a bit uneasy accepting something so generous from her. I realized I needed to accept it, not necessarily because I needed the monetary assistance (which maybe I did...I wasn't exactly not eating but I had quite a lot of debt I was struggling to pay off at the time) but because it was an opportunity for her to give of herself for the glory of God. She's always told me that she's been very blessed financially and I know she looks for ways to help others. To rob her of that opportunity would not have been right. And, it made me realize that I DID need help in many ways. It became a lesson in humility for me.
We must not let our pride get in the way of others helping us in ways that we really do need because, in those experiences, we allow the Holy Spirit to do His work and we just may be helping others gain heaven as a result.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
God provides
One thing I know beyond a shadow of a doubt and have learned through experience is that God always provides for my financial needs. I began to understand it a little when I was first home full time after my eldest child was born. We were living on one income and things were tight. There was one instance I remember that we had $30 left until the next paycheck came in 10 days later. A call came from my parish, asking if I would play for a funeral which meant I'd earn $60 a couple days later. It would hold us in food until payday!
This sort of thing has happened over and over during my life. At one point, I had been playing for a Presbyterian church for about 10 years and, one Sunday, as I was playing a hymn, I paid attention to the words and realized they went against what the Catholic Church teaches. I knew then that I had to stop playing there. I was nervous about losing the $320 a month I was paid but I decided I HAD to quit, given it would be sinful for me if I didn't. After I quit, I asked God to send me enough added income to cover this amount. The next month and for 3 months after that, I was called to sub at different parishes, or a funeral or wedding would come up unexpectedly, all totaling at least $350 each month! Then, I was offered a job playing for weekday Mass at a monastery twice a week. I was amazed because I'd never heard of any parish or convent ever paying a musician to play for daily Mass. It was as if God was saying, well you go to daily Mass so you COULD play while you are there...very little extra time needed. (Part of my job was to plan the music ahead of time.) And, guess what? It totaled $360 a month. I suspected God must have grown weary of my begging Him each month to replace the $320 and had decided I needed a permanent job to cover it (plus a little more) so He wouldn't have to listen to it any more!
When I was first divorced, I was scared I wouldn't be able to make a living. I was working part time at different things but I needed more income. I started praying about it. Then, out of the blue, the parish administrator at St. Columba called and asked me if I might be interested in applying for the music director position that had just come open. They had remembered me from a few months earlier when I played for my friend Father James' Luke Live! retreat there. I found this interesting because, 6 months before, they had had an ad on the Archdiocesan job line and I'd decided NOT to apply because I didn't think I was qualified to do the job. I'd only directed small choirs along the way but nothing very formal and, after all, I was an accompanist and felt much more confident at the piano than with a baton in my hand. However, I figured this had to be an answer to prayer and, if God thought I could do the job, then I'd best take it. Well, it turned out that I LOVE the job and can honestly say, for the most part, I feel pretty competent at it. (I do have my moments, though...) The best part is I, as the music director, HAVE to play the piano and I have a paid section leader in the choir who loves to direct whenever I need both a conductor and an accompanist. (It is just so beautiful!) I share these stories because I think they are all part of our learning that God is very generous when it comes to our needs being met. And, we don't always understand that it's not anything we do...It's all God's doing. We can sometimes think it was us doing great things when it wasn't us at all. Our pride can stand in the way of being thankful. We must accept God's gracious generosity (as shown through the talents He gives us and the outright gifts He bestows on us) humbly and gratefully.
I learned this lesson from a corporate angle, too. When the pregnancy center was trying to buy a clinic property a few years ago, we needed $100,000 for the down payment in 8 weeks' time in order to be able to afford the monthly payments. We received it in 6 weeks' time through unbelievably generous gifts! (I will tell you this miracle story one day soon.) It truly was amazing and spoke of the awesome faith of the board of directors. I learned so much from them during that time!
The bottom line: God is so generous in providing for our every need.
This sort of thing has happened over and over during my life. At one point, I had been playing for a Presbyterian church for about 10 years and, one Sunday, as I was playing a hymn, I paid attention to the words and realized they went against what the Catholic Church teaches. I knew then that I had to stop playing there. I was nervous about losing the $320 a month I was paid but I decided I HAD to quit, given it would be sinful for me if I didn't. After I quit, I asked God to send me enough added income to cover this amount. The next month and for 3 months after that, I was called to sub at different parishes, or a funeral or wedding would come up unexpectedly, all totaling at least $350 each month! Then, I was offered a job playing for weekday Mass at a monastery twice a week. I was amazed because I'd never heard of any parish or convent ever paying a musician to play for daily Mass. It was as if God was saying, well you go to daily Mass so you COULD play while you are there...very little extra time needed. (Part of my job was to plan the music ahead of time.) And, guess what? It totaled $360 a month. I suspected God must have grown weary of my begging Him each month to replace the $320 and had decided I needed a permanent job to cover it (plus a little more) so He wouldn't have to listen to it any more!
When I was first divorced, I was scared I wouldn't be able to make a living. I was working part time at different things but I needed more income. I started praying about it. Then, out of the blue, the parish administrator at St. Columba called and asked me if I might be interested in applying for the music director position that had just come open. They had remembered me from a few months earlier when I played for my friend Father James' Luke Live! retreat there. I found this interesting because, 6 months before, they had had an ad on the Archdiocesan job line and I'd decided NOT to apply because I didn't think I was qualified to do the job. I'd only directed small choirs along the way but nothing very formal and, after all, I was an accompanist and felt much more confident at the piano than with a baton in my hand. However, I figured this had to be an answer to prayer and, if God thought I could do the job, then I'd best take it. Well, it turned out that I LOVE the job and can honestly say, for the most part, I feel pretty competent at it. (I do have my moments, though...) The best part is I, as the music director, HAVE to play the piano and I have a paid section leader in the choir who loves to direct whenever I need both a conductor and an accompanist. (It is just so beautiful!) I share these stories because I think they are all part of our learning that God is very generous when it comes to our needs being met. And, we don't always understand that it's not anything we do...It's all God's doing. We can sometimes think it was us doing great things when it wasn't us at all. Our pride can stand in the way of being thankful. We must accept God's gracious generosity (as shown through the talents He gives us and the outright gifts He bestows on us) humbly and gratefully.
I learned this lesson from a corporate angle, too. When the pregnancy center was trying to buy a clinic property a few years ago, we needed $100,000 for the down payment in 8 weeks' time in order to be able to afford the monthly payments. We received it in 6 weeks' time through unbelievably generous gifts! (I will tell you this miracle story one day soon.) It truly was amazing and spoke of the awesome faith of the board of directors. I learned so much from them during that time!
The bottom line: God is so generous in providing for our every need.
Monday, June 7, 2010
purity of heart
To be sure, my apparent calling to the religious life has brought some interesting spiritual growth opportunities. One is a strong and powerful desire to live the rest of my life purely. When this came to me, I tried to decipher what that really means. This was not about sexual purity. That whole piece has been largely settled for me and it's not foundational as to what I am about, in terms of purity. I'm talking about pure love...love of God, love of others, love of myself.
Love of God...offering my entire life to the glory of God, doing His will, praying, praying, praying, loving Him with my whole heart and soul. Yet...there's more: spending every second concentrating on loving Him with no thought toward sin. The purity comes with the no sin idea. Do we really understand that, in order to get to heaven, we must not have any mortal sins on our souls when we die? In this age of relativism, people so easily say that God will forgive them--He understands. How many times have I heard that from women who are about to murder their unborn children? While He may be merciful, it's the sin of presumption to think that way. If we know it is a sin we are about to commit, we must not do it. It seems arrogant to presume BEFORE we commit the sin that God will forgive us. I don't want to do that in any way.
Love of others...being of service to those who need what I can give them, walking beside them in their life journey, if even for just a little while, telling them the truth, giving them my time, my focus, my energy, praying for them. How can I help souls get to heaven? The answer to that question should be the foundation of the new community and it begins now within me.
Love of self...how can I take better care of myself physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, socially? To me, my spiritual life is the most important. The sacraments, prayer, readings...all are parts of it.
Great, great blessings are to be found in all of this...and, one beautiful thing is that 3 other women are interested in joining the community, one of whom has had the dream of forming this community for over 7 years. She and I just met in person last week and it feels as though we've been sisters all our lives! The sense I have is that, individually, we have been doing good work but together we will do much more powerful work for the glory of God. I will learn so much from her! And, all of us are planning to get together regularly to pray, to share, to plan. I know that, within those gatherings, will be much rejoicing. The community--new life--has begun!
Love of God...offering my entire life to the glory of God, doing His will, praying, praying, praying, loving Him with my whole heart and soul. Yet...there's more: spending every second concentrating on loving Him with no thought toward sin. The purity comes with the no sin idea. Do we really understand that, in order to get to heaven, we must not have any mortal sins on our souls when we die? In this age of relativism, people so easily say that God will forgive them--He understands. How many times have I heard that from women who are about to murder their unborn children? While He may be merciful, it's the sin of presumption to think that way. If we know it is a sin we are about to commit, we must not do it. It seems arrogant to presume BEFORE we commit the sin that God will forgive us. I don't want to do that in any way.
Love of others...being of service to those who need what I can give them, walking beside them in their life journey, if even for just a little while, telling them the truth, giving them my time, my focus, my energy, praying for them. How can I help souls get to heaven? The answer to that question should be the foundation of the new community and it begins now within me.
Love of self...how can I take better care of myself physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, socially? To me, my spiritual life is the most important. The sacraments, prayer, readings...all are parts of it.
Great, great blessings are to be found in all of this...and, one beautiful thing is that 3 other women are interested in joining the community, one of whom has had the dream of forming this community for over 7 years. She and I just met in person last week and it feels as though we've been sisters all our lives! The sense I have is that, individually, we have been doing good work but together we will do much more powerful work for the glory of God. I will learn so much from her! And, all of us are planning to get together regularly to pray, to share, to plan. I know that, within those gatherings, will be much rejoicing. The community--new life--has begun!
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