Holy Week

This year feels different to me. I am not afraid of Holy Week this year. In years past, I was shaking in my boots over getting the choir prepared to sing on Palm Sunday, Holy Thursday, Good Friday, Holy Saturday AND Easter Sunday. I didn't feel competent. I was afraid that I would choose the wrong music and it would all blow up in my face. Well, THAT didn't ever happen so why worry any more? I s'pose this marks the culmination of many years of being in the business of liturgical music and maybe, finally, I've come of age as a church musician. Or maybe I just see that I have competent, willing, delightful people working with me and it's not all up to me anyway. On Sunday, the choir sang a very, very difficult rendition of What Wondrous Love for the prelude. They sang like angels! We'd been practicing it for weeks. Their dedication to the music has been inspiring. We share the liturgies on Holy Thursday and Holy Saturday with the Vietnamese community (they have their own masses on Sundays) so their choir sings some of the hymns, too, during those liturgies. It takes some of the pressure off, plus their music is so beautiful. It's wonderful that the two communities come together on special occasions!

I think this also marks my spiritual growth over the past year. I recognize more fully that it is a great privilege to be able to do what I do. To praise God through musical endeavors is a blessing. AND, the fact that I now have a meeting with the bishop scheduled in a couple weeks makes everything else pale on the intimidation scale.

I love that I have a meeting scheduled. However, old insecurities have been knocking on my door/mind. What if I waste his time? What if...what if...what if? For heaven's sake...I tell myself that, if I really believe the new religious community is God-driven (which I truly do believe), how can I waste the bishop's time? He's part of God's plan for the community, too, if even in just a small way as to pray for the community or to meet with me once to help give me direction. And, from what I can tell, he's trying very hard to do God's will in his life, too. So, now, I pray that it will be a very fruitful meeting for both of us.

Another Lent is almost history. During previous Lents, I was acutely aware that Satan was nipping at my heels, trying to put enmity between a loved one and me. Those times were fraught with great struggles! Blessedly, all of us came out of them still intact, relationship-wise! I always breathed a sigh of relief when we got to Holy Saturday. This year, a close friend and I had an email exchange one morning that could have degenerated into grave misunderstanding. Instead, my friend brought love and compassion to the discussion. It became a moment of grace. The Holy Spirit was watching over us. It was beautiful. I no longer focus on Satan and his dirty deeds during Lent. I focus on how I might sacrifice more, how I might love more, how I might be a light in the world more. Yes, I am aware of him but I try to spend no energy or thought on him. He doesn't deserve my attention.

Yes, this year, this Lent, has been different...