doing our own jobs

When I went to congratulate our auxiliary bishop after last year's announcement came from Rome that he was going to be our new bishop, he taught me something. He said that, back in the early days of the Church, the entire earth was divided up into little dioceses. Some could be under oceans or in deserts. Others were under actual official dioceses. Every bishop, upon ordination, is assigned one of these dioceses. (I think his is in Tanzania but I may not be remembering correctly.) He said the bishop is not to go to that diocese in an official capacity because it might look like he is trying to usurp the reigning (if there is one) bishop's authority.

I have pondered what he said and it has begun to turn into a life lesson for me. I wonder...how many times in our lives have we, inadvertently or otherwise, usurped another person's authority? If someone is hired to do a job, then he or she is given the responsibility to do it. It's not appropriate for someone else to come along and try to do what falls under his or her duties. It's not appropriate for the person overseeing that job to micro-manage the person doing it. (Trust is key!) It is entirely possible those people could do the job better than the person doing it, or at least differently, but they weren't given the job to do. The person responsible for carrying out the job's duties must do them. Certainly, to welcome their input is only prudent because no one can perfectly execute his or her job. However, the point remains that the person hired to do the job, not someone else, must do the job.

I think I usurped power that wasn't mine in my former marriage. I perceived my husband as not doing his duties as a husband and a father and so I did them. I thought, erroneously, that I had to pick up the slack. In effect, I rendered him powerless because it was my way that seemed to always prevail. I wonder what might have happened had I not been so quick to do this and had I respected his position in our family. Perhaps he would have stepped up and done what should have been done in this role...or maybe not. I didn't give him a chance to fail. I didn't give him a chance to succeed either. I was arrogant, thinking I knew best. I thought my way was the only way to do things. In essence, I thought I could be a better father to our children than their father was. I was gravely mistaken in this.

One lesson I learned about this was when we took our kids to Disney World. The first day was COMPLETELY orchestrated by me. I had every second planned out--where we were to go, what we were to do, etc. We rushed from here to there, trying to get my list of rides accomplished. (In my defense, I'd been there before and I knew how long the lines could be; I also wanted to get the most for our money...it was expensive for 6 people! Not to mention that I was quite an overachiever...) The second day, my husband said he had been really stressed out, trying to get to everything, and proposed we do it HIS way that day. Well, I had to admit we had way more fun the second day, meandering about the park with no destination goals in mind. It didn't seem to matter what we accomplished; we'd all had lots of fun doing it. From this somewhat trite example, I could finally see how children need both their mother's and their father's gifts, and to think that one can replace the other is a very misguided idea.

My son and I were talking tonight about roles. He said he and his wife each have taken on different roles. They both know what their roles are and they try not to cross over into the other's. He said it's working very well. They each respect one another because of what they have figured out: that they are different, given their talents and gifts. (He's not convinced it's a gender thing.) He said it isn't about equality...He said it never comes out fair if one looks at it superficially. He said they both give 100%, not just 50. They try not to consider that they might be getting the short end of the deal because they are both actively working as a team.

I find all of this very interesting because I came of age when feminism was coming to the forefront of our culture. Feminist leaders tried to blur the lines of demarcation between the sexes and their roles. I don't think it worked very well--with the exception of things like equal pay for equal work (a basic justice issue anyway). They tried to obliterate the differences between men and women. The problem (if it could be called a problem!) was men and women are inherently different and it's impossible to overlook that fact--nor should we.

I'm still pondering this whole thing. I have a feeling there is much to it and I've only scratched the surface. And, if you ask me, the whole diocese thing is just another example of the great wisdom of the Church regarding human nature.