a calling

On Tuesday, November 17, 2009, I was at Mass, listening to the homily, thinking about my little granddaughter Ellie (Elizabeth) because it was the feast day of St. Elizabeth of Hungary. Suddenly, out of the blue--or so it seemed!--came the thought, "You must begin a new religious order." I was startled by this. Where was THAT coming from? I had never ever considered such a thing!

I passed the next days, crying and praying...and wondering. Was this from God or was it just an odd thought of mine passing through? I decided that IF this was truly a call from God, I wouldn't want to get to the end of my life and hear God ask me why I had said no to a marvelous opportunity to grow closer to Him and to help build the Kingdom here on earth in this way. So, I decided to start researching. I figured, if it was from God, I would know by the open doors and, if it wasn't from God, I would know it by the doors closing in my face.

Well, guess what? Since then, doors have continued to open. First of all, details started coming to me. The community has to be a pro-life voice in our local community. The women in it will wear habits of simple cloth. Even my new name was brought to me: Sr. Mary Monica. And, all the Sisters' names will begin with Mary, in honor of our Blessed Mother. I found Monica an interesting idea because St. Monica knows the depths of my heartache over my children and my ex-husband choosing not to be members in good standing of the Church right now. I have been asking her intercession for them for a long time. I know that she, herself, had a similar experience with her son (now St. Augustine!) and husband.

Every question I brought to the Lord had a peaceful answer. I'm not ready, Lord. "You will be ready when it's time." One does not a community make. "We will build it; they will come." The most poignant: LORD, I have been looking for a husband for 5 years. "Yes, and I've been waiting for you." I burst into tears at that one...what more perfect spouse than my dear Lord? At the center of it all was great peace and joy. However, I was surrounding that peace and joy with all kinds of my naysaying and angst. After these questions were answered, I decided to get out of the way and let the Lord work within and through me. So, I dropped all the worries and attempts to see into the future, and decided to stay focused on the tasks at hand.

I told a close friend of mine what had happened and she suggested I begin the Franciscan Sisters of Peace, a community aligned with the Franciscan Brothers of Peace, known for their pro-life work here. My reaction: bingo, that's it! Up 'til then I couldn't figure out where to begin...Benedictines, Dominicans, Republicans (!)? I now had a starting point for the community!

After Mass one morning, I felt led to confide in a wonderful woman whom I didn't know very well but is a very public friend of life in our community. It was a blessed time! As I spoke, she seemed to become as excited as I was about the whole thing. She said she would be my spiritual cheerleader. She warned me that there would be obstacles but not to worry, I was just to work through them. She also told me something interesting. She said she had been a part of a panel in Indiana recently. The entire auditorium was filled with young people. When the questions opened up, they were all directed at the three nuns in habits. She said young women seem to be hungering for this. Her words gave me hope.

Next, I figured out that I had to meet with Brother Paul at the Brothers'. When I emailed him about what I was doing, he gave me many dates from which to choose for our meeting. Another open door!

Our meeting lasted almost 2 hours. It seemed like 10 minutes! Brother Paul had a wealth of information for me. He was very affirming but first he corrected me. He said a recent pope had declared there would be no more new religious orders but rather religious communities. I was glad for the correction but I wondered then why God would use the word order with me. I figured out that He had to get my attention and if I'd heard community I might not have known what that meant.

Brother Paul said his community had been praying for a Sister community. He told me my age would be an asset, not a detriment. He said my many years' experience as a wife and mother, my pro-life work and my connections in the community would all hold me in good stead. He said our archbishop is very pro-life and he thought he would welcome this endeavor. He gave me two books, one about their beginnings as a community and the illness and death of their founder and the other on their statutes and way of life. He said I needed to begin praying about and writing down the statutes of my community because I would have to have them to present to the archbishop. (I wasn't quite sure what he meant by statutes--I realized then that I was going to be on an interesting learning curve through all of this!) He warned me that there would be naysayers but I was not to listen to them. I was to keep going past them. He told me all the steps to making this happen at the archdiocesan level. He suggested that the next person I see is our auxiliary bishop. I saw that as another open door because the bishop had been on my mind as the next person, too. It had to be a God thing because, of all the people Brother could have suggested, he chose the same person I'd been considering! When I meet with the bishop, I'm going to ask if he will be my spiritual director. It seems nervy but that's one of my gifts...audacity--hmmm, persistence?

Brother Paul told me I had the community's prayer support and asked me to keep him up-to-date on what was happening. He ended with something profound, yet very simple. He said, "Just do good." I've thought a lot about that since then. Really, all that is required of any of us is to do good. It doesn't have to be huge, grandiose things. We can do little things, as long as they're good. His words brought great relief! I didn't have to build Rome in one day (so to speak)!!! When I thanked him the next day, I asked if I could pray in the friary chapel on a regular basis. It seemed important to be near them while I pray. He readily gave me permission. I didn't realize what a gift this would be to me. The peace I find, all alone in the Presence of God, with no distractions, just Him and me, is a blessing beyond compare. Whenever I leave the chapel, an intense longing comes over me to spend every single day, all day, there! The time there goes far too quickly!

The people in whom I have confided have told me I can go slow with this and I can work through any obstacle because God is with me. They tell me they can see me doing this. They say they are excited for me. THEN, they say they can't see me wearing a habit. I just laugh. I do wonder what our clients will say when "Sister" in her habit stands at the front desk, asking how she can help them. The idea makes me smile.

These days, I'm doing research. I asked for and received the statutes of the community of Sisters for which I accompany morning Mass. I have been reading and studying them. Next, I will request a copy of the Benedictines' from a family friend who is a part of that community.

I AM going slowly...It runs a little counter to my usual modus operandi because I tend to be pretty pro-active when I get an idea in my head of something that needs to be done. This particular skill has always been a useful thing at the life care center but this is an inner working of my soul. I must allow God to lead me and I must follow Him and HIS timing.

So, stay tuned...and please pray for this and for me. It will be very exciting to see what God will do with me next, won't it?