getting ready for Thanksgiving

I woke up yesterday morning, wondering how I was going to get everything done. For the first time in many years, I am cooking on Thanksgiving. First, I'm having all my kids, their boy/girl friends, my daughter-in-law, grandchildren, my ex-husband and his new girlfriend for brunch AFTER I play for Mass at the Sisters' in the morning. Then, I'm hosting dinner for my dear college friend and a male friend of hers whom she'd like me to get to know. (We met briefly and he was very nice. My friend said he WAS excited when she told him I was cooking...I asked her if she'd told him to bring antacids!) So many details! So many lists! So much to do! Am I insane? Yikes! Maybe I'd better lay in a supply of frozen pizzas in case I drop the eggs or if the turkey burns!

Today, I'm thinking about my clients. How many of them will not be able to afford such banquets of food, or even a tiny bit of food, for that matter, on Thanksgiving? Blessedly, our clients generally have enough food because they get food stamps but others who haven't signed up for that program will be hungry. Satisfying hunger cannot wait...people can starve while they're waiting. I just heard yesterday that many restaurants here are opening their doors on Thanksgiving to serve free meals to the public. I pray that those who are starving will find them. If they do, at least, for one day, they won't be hungry.

I've been told that hunger in the US is not really true starvation. It's true we DO have good programs to get food to people. And, when I think about it, I don't believe I ever hear of people starving to death here for lack of food. In comparison, people in Third World countries really do starve to death. We must do more to help them...to begin, maybe we can fast on Friday as a small sacrificial offering? I'm going to try very hard not to overeat on Thanksgiving, too. When I think about it, there really is no point to doing that.

Thank You, Lord, for the food You provide. Help us to appreciate this gift.

volunteers

Last week, six new volunteers started to work at the center. This was a record number of people who came all at once to volunteer. All of them came with an attitude of great humility and a willingness to do whatever God wanted of them. As the week progressed, I observed that each of them fit in perfectly with everything going on there. Three are registered nurses, two wanting to do ultrasound, one to counsel. Two got busy sorting clothes. One is working on organizing our files. Another recent volunteer took on the project of organizing the entire center, cleaning out areas filled with "stuff" (as opposed to junk!). Once she's done, she wants to help with fundraising. What a blessing these people are, as are all who work there! I often say it's the volunteers who do the real work. I'm merely the cheerleader.

What I've come to realize is that people come to volunteer at the center exactly at the moment their unique gifts and talents are badly needed right then. In this case, the board and I have been praying that we would be able to open up more hours during the week for ultrasound because it's been proven, over and over again, that, once a woman sees her baby on ultrasound, she will begin to bond with that child and turn away from any thought of abortion. And, to have another counselor is ALWAYS a blessing because we are one of the busiest local centers for pregnancy test requests and can easily get overwhelmed by the demand for them. We've been inundated with lots and lots of clothes donations lately and have had no time to sort them. The client files needed attention because, apparently, many of us do NOT know the alphabet when we put files back (!). Too, I find it's more stressful when there is a lot of extraneous clutter in a work environment. The new volunteers are pitching in with all of these things and more.

I also have great respect for the volunteers who have been there for years and years, quietly doing their part to promote life. It's because of them that the center has met with much success. My job has been made a ton easier because of their willingness to share their talents and I appreciate them so very much.

Since October, I was worrying about getting the leaves outside raked before the snow falls, trying to find a volunteer to do it or the time for me to do it. One day, out of the blue, 3 people came, saying they wanted to rake and out they went! I had to leave before they finished but, on my return, I saw there were 15 bags of leaves out back, ready to be taken to the compost place. Now, I looked at my little car and figured it would probably take me all day and a few trips if I loaded them in my car. Just as I was contemplating this challenge, a volunteer drove up with an EMPTY SUV, saying she'd be happy to do the task herself. We loaded her car and off she went! Along with this, I had been noticing for a while that there were lots of weeds growing along the edge of the parking lot. It looked terrible. Shortly after the raking was done, I was told the board president and his wife had spent a Saturday, pulling weeds and cleaning out the gardens. I hadn't even noticed the fruits of their hard work! (Maybe it is like going to someone's house...when it's filthy, you notice. When it's clean, you don't. This is my defense, anyway!) I almost cried when I took a look around. It must have taken them all day to do it all. It was all so beautiful...And, THIS is how things get done at my center.

I believe the Holy Spirit is behind all of this. Many volunteers have told me they were thinking about us for a while and they felt called to come in right when they did. God certainly knows our needs and how to offer opportunities to people to help us! It is a privilege to work with such wonderful, generous people.

not to worry...

We are struggling financially at the center right now. I've asked everyone I can think of to pray for us and I've also asked everyone to give me names of people who could be interested in supporting us in a financial way so that I can ask them to help. I've never liked asking people for money but lately I've been considering all the ways in which our clients benefit by our presence in the neighborhood and they far outweigh any discomfort I will have in asking (begging!). We who work at the center have been brainstorming ideas for fundraisers, too.

I'm actually quite skilled at begging for clients so this SHOULD be a piece of cake. My contact at the Archdiocese who administers a small fund to support women in crisis pregnancies told me a while ago that she'd decided that, if she ever had to train in someone to do her job, she would tell the person just to give me what I want whenever I called because it would circumvent all my whining, begging and complaining to which he/she would have to listen if he/she didn't. I told her that was very sound reasoning. Then, we laughed. (For the record, she HAS said no to me a couple of times over the years...) When it comes to my clients' needs, I doggedly try to find ways to help them meet them!

I will not worry, even though that is my natural inclination. One of my favorite Bible passages, the one that seems to have been written especially for my benefit, begins with Matthew 6:25 "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat (or drink), or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds in the sky; they do not sow or reap, they gather nothing into barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are not you more important than they? 27 Can any of you by worrying add a single moment to your life-span?"

Indeed, are we not more important than the birds in the sky to God? That passage, when I think I should worry about something, brings great solace to me. What a blessing faith is!

twins at the center

A couple weeks ago, two volunteers and I were remembering something that had happened three years ago. The volunteer who does ultrasounds had offered to do an ultrasound for a colleague where she works. The colleague had just found out she was pregnant. It was discovered, through the ultrasound, that she was pregnant with twins. During the ultrasound, two of us who work there were invited to take a look. Seeing the 12 week twins and watching their antics, I was amazed and excited, as was the other person (who had never been able to conceive a child; she adopted 2 children). The mother, however, was freaking out. I figured it was just surprise and she'd be fine after the initial shock wore off. After all, she was married, white, upper middle class, already a mother of a 3 year old. She didn't fit the demographics of someone who would consider abortion. Five days later, she aborted the babies. I was told she'd convinced herself that there was something wrong with them and so thought she HAD to abort them. She miscarried another pregnancy shortly after and has been unable to have any more children since then.

We at the center grieved over what she'd done to two of God's precious ones. And, it became apparent, as we talked that day, 3 years later, that we're all STILL grieving. It was such a horrifying, sad result. The sonographer told us that her own mother, who is in her 90's, told her that the twins would have been toilet training about now. I can only imagine the pain the people closest to the situation must be experiencing if a person who hadn't even been there that day and had no natural connection to the mother or the twins was grieving. I can't help but wonder what it will do to the woman's son, when he finds out (and he will, one day...). I've read that siblings go through emotional trauma, wondering why THEY weren't aborted but their siblings were.

Yesterday was "Ultrasound Saturday" at the center, which happens twice a month. One of our longstanding clients, a mother of 6, came in. She's 6 weeks pregnant. Well, we may have uncovered twins on the ultrasound! There certainly was a lot of cardiac activity...the sonographer said it was like watching twinkling pac-men all over the place, which left me wondering if maybe it's triplets, which would be a first at the center. The client was advised to see her doctor ASAP because we can't diagnose such a thing. Oooh, boy...this is going to be a long 7 and a half months! This client suffers major depression when she's pregnant and needs lots of emotional support. Those of us who work at the center will gladly help with this, especially thinking about, and in honor and memory of, the twins who were murdered 3 years ago last month.

One of my favorite psalms is Psalm 139. Here are verses 13-14 "You formed my inmost being; you knit me in my mother's womb. I praise you, so wonderfully you made me; wonderful are your works!"

When I think about it, to think destroying God's handiwork is a good thing is so very misguided. And, I'm not even sure we can understand all the devastation this action creates in the world. Let's continue to work until everyone in the world understands that life is truly sacred and so abortion can be history, once and for all.

courage

One of my best childhood memories happened during a thunder and lightning storm. At the time, we lived in our house overlooking Lake Superior. My parents had renovated it to include huge picture windows on the lake side of the house. (The view was absolutely spectacular! This period in my life was probably very influential in developing my aesthetic side.) I was around 6 and scared of the thunder and lightning. My father picked me up and carried me over close to the window, all the while speaking gently to me. He told me I didn't need to be afraid because the storm was very beautiful. He pointed to the lightning as it flashed across the sky. We stood by that window until I began to believe him. This was another major life lesson for me. Through it, I learned to face my fears head-on. I remember another time when Dad took my little sister to his office building one Sunday so they could ride up and down the elevator because she was afraid of elevators. (I reminded her of this when we became adults and she joked she was now claustrophobic as a result!) Dad taught me in real ways to face my fears. He was one of the most courageous men I've ever known. He never seemed afraid of anything or anyone. I've often wondered if I'd been witnessing the Holy Spirit's gift of courage in Dad all those years. He had tremendous faith so it wouldn't surprise me at all. And, I am quite sure he was trying very hard to impart this courage onto his children. And, for me, he inspired my love of children and passion for the unborn. At 80 years old, he stood courageously and in much pain at the abortion clinic in his city, praying the rosary, handing out literature and entreating women not to go in. He forged the path for me to do the work I do.

We need courage in the work we do in pro-life work. Sometimes, people persecute us. Once, one of my clients threatened and screamed at me because I told her I didn't think I could help her. (I really didn't think I could...) A friend of mine was sidewalk counseling at an abortion mill when a boyfriend of a girl about to go in menacingly got right next to her and started swearing at her, physically trying to intimidate her. Blessedly, she stood her ground. (She told me, when it was all over, she went behind the building and cried.) Another dedicated man who regularly stands outside of the abortion mill was knocked unconscious there. As horrifying as they are, these aren't the worst things that could happen to us. What we fight every single day in our work is a spiritual war of gigantic proportion. Satan wants us badly. He wants us to quit; he wants us to fail...he wants us dead and in his clutches. He wants everyone who is contemplating having an abortion to go right ahead without any interference from us. This is the reason I receive Holy Communion every day and frequent Confession. I figured out a few years ago that, alone, I was no match for this kind of war. I needed spiritual armor. I knew it would only be by God's grace that I'd ever be effective. How blessed we are to have this wondrous daily Bread and the resulting grace to help us!

When I first began this work, I watched a 15 minute video of abortion. The entire video was of aborted babies...dismembered body parts, heads with the faces of little babies frozen in screams, blood everywhere. Carnage. I was so glad I was alone because I sobbed and sobbed; I couldn't stop sobbing. In a sense, I am STILL sobbing--silently to be sure, but those images have never left me and they spur me on to keep doing more and more to stop abortion.

Courage...I pray for this gift all the time.

now and then...

When I started working at the pregnancy center 12 years ago, we would see our clients for a pregnancy test and then, a few months later when they were about to have their babies, we'd see them again and help them fill out an application for a crib from another pro-life organization and hand them a baby layette, which had clothes, diapers, blankets, bottles, etc. These days, when a client has a positive pregnancy test, we invite her to have an ultrasound, then she can start our education program to earn things like a stroller, high chair, changing table and participate in our prenatal and parenting classes. At the end of her pregnancy, we give her a layette and work with her to get a bed for her baby. Now, there are many opportunities for a client to come to the center and interact with the staff and volunteers throughout her entire pregnancy. This is part of the reason our client visit numbers are up so much. (Another reason is that word of mouth is our largest referrel source.) We've become very, very busy as a result. While it can be wearing at times, I am thrilled that we have so many opportunities to give witness to Christ's love.

I've never been one to focus on the numbers. What I see before us is each client, not a number. It's hard to be compassionate toward a number. These are real people with real stories to tell us and with great challenges in their lives. If we can help them in some small way, we do. We try very hard to be Christ-like in our interactions with clients. I know clients understand this. (They tell us AND many have become interested in becoming Christians as a result!) I believe, even when they don't show it, they are grateful. Of course, we who work at the center aren't there for the thanks. We're there to love our clients, one at a time.

joy

I've been thinking about joy. What is it? From where does it come? How do we find it? Is it a state or is it a feeling? I read a definition once: joy is knowing that we are loved by God. I like that. I have a feeling that is why I have always found such joy in being with little children. They are truly gifts from God. In many ways, they show us that God loves us.

When I think about being joyful, I always focus on the blessings in my life. During my childbearing years, it was such a privilege to be a participant in the miracle of new birth! Each child was unique, right from the earliest beginning of his or her life. My first child was only 6 weeks from conception when he or she died but was a blessing to me all the same because I learned that I didn't have control over such things, I learned to appreciate all my children...I learned that length of time on earth isn't really important compared to all of eternity. There have been tons of blessings like this, starting with the people in my life. All of the blessings in my life have shown me God's love in one way or another. All have brought me tremendous joy.

In my work at the center, the greatest joy I have is when a client brings her newborn baby into the center for us to meet. It is especially profound when she's been one who was going to have an abortion but didn't. Not long ago, a woman called, telling me she was suicidal and thinking about having an abortion. She was two months pregnant. In the hour we spent on the phone that day, I found out that she was living with bipolar disorder and had taken herself off her medication when she found out she was pregnant. At the end of our conversation, I asked her to do three things and to call me back when she'd done them. (My thought was that she wouldn't commit suicide if she had things she had to get done and was accountable to someone for them.) I told her the first thing she must do is call her psychiatrist as soon as we hung up so her medication could be regulated. I asked her if I could call her if I didn't hear from her in a few days. She said I could. To my surprise, she called back the next day, having done all the things. (She had an appointment with her doctor that very day!) We were in weekly contact for the next 7 months and, one day, she brought her little son for me to meet. (I cried, holding this precious one!) She told me later that she had made 4 appointments to have an abortion and didn't keep any of them. She has been so grateful for her child! She's thanked me, over and over, for being there for her. Little children truly bring joy...if we can just see it that way. So many times our clients are overwhelmed, over-tired, incredibly stressed. For them, it's hard to see their children as blessings from God. I always pray for them. Please, could you, too?

silence

I've been thinking about silence lately. My piano professor in college chastised me once because I was rushing through rests as I was playing. She said silence was as important as the sound in music--it was what shaped the piece. I don't think I've ever played a piece in the same rushing way again. Rests DO make a difference so I've heeded them ever since. And, I took what she'd said to be a life lesson, too. After all, there is a time for noise/a time to talk, and a time for silence/a time to listen. In grad school, when I was getting a degree in counseling psychology, I learned the 90/10 rule...in a counseling session, clients should talk 90% of the time, counselors 10. I've always thought that was a good rule. What we say in a counseling session is not nearly as important as what the clients have to say. I get the impression that there is great value for clients in being heard. If we do our job correctly, we don't judge, we don't have any hidden agenda regarding what they say. We just try to show them that someone cares and that they've really been heard. It makes me think about my own life...perhaps I've spent far too much time talking rather than listening. (Is what I have to say really that important?) Sometimes, it's just best to be quiet. I figured out that you can learn a lot when you listen. And, in our hectic, hurry up lives, it really is nice to stop and be still for a while. Sometimes, in those silent moments, God speaks. It's why I love going to the adoration chapel. It forces me to be still and find God in the deepest recesses of my soul. The ironic thing is, in the silence, God certainly can speak loudly! It's in those moments that I have great peace because, generally speaking, I find answers. God is so good!

All Souls' Day

Yesterday, we collectively asked the communion of saints to pray for us. Today, on the feast of All Souls' Day, we pray as a community (and personally, of course) for our loved ones who have died and for all who are in purgatory. Along these lines, I've been thinking about my role in my clients' lives. Certainly my job is to help them to see that their babies dying by abortion is not a good solution or really a solution at all. In this, I try very hard, working to save lives. But what about souls? Aren't we called to help one another get to heaven? If so, how do we do that? Over the years, I have come to think that it isn't really enough to work to save lives in the work I do. More importantly, I must work to save souls.

One thing people say against our pregnancy center work is that, once the baby is born, he or she is going to live in abject poverty (generally true with our clients), probably be abused and not amount to anything, so it's much kinder to abort him or her. There is no room for hope in this statement and I vehemently take umbrage with that kind of thinking. All human life is sacred. I don't think we have the right to decide at any stage of life when a life should be over.

I read a piece of research once which concluded that, if a child from a negative environment had just one adult take an interest in him or her for a short time (i.e. a school year or even a period of a few months), it would mean the difference between a positive and negative outcome for that child's life. Now, I can't remember all the details (like how a positive or negative outcome was defined) but it has always given me hope for our clients and their children. Maybe we at the life care center are the ones who will be the instigators of the positive outcome in this way!

Every life is precious to God and, as a Christian, I think it's our duty to uphold the value of each one of us, as He would have us do.

All Saints' Day

I love this holy day! It's the day I am reminded of the communion of saints in heaven and pray that I will be among them one day. (The Catholic hymns for this day are awesome, too!) You know, there is a misconception in our culture that we will never be perfect so why bother to try? That kind of thinking doesn't recognize that we will HAVE to be perfect if we will be in heaven one day. After all, we are taught that there can be no imperfection in heaven. God calls us to holiness, to perfection, and we must work our entire lives to become holy. I understand how we think the way we do. Sometimes, I think I'm really doing well on the holiness meter but then I do something I know I shouldn't (like overeat chocolate...) which shows me I have a long, long way to go...

Someone reminded me the other day that God calls us, not to happiness in this life, but to holiness. In that context, our suffering can mean something. We can offer it up for the good of our souls and for others'. We can embrace it as being an opportunity to grow closer to Our dear Lord, who suffered excruciatingly for us. We can humbly accept that we are not perfect YET but, with the grace of God, we can get there one day. That's how we counselors at the center try to approach our clients: where they're at, knowing that we, ourselves, have done (and continue to do...) terrible things that helped nail Jesus to the cross, too. We see many who don't understand that illicit sex, contraception and abortion are morally wrong. Should we judge them for this? I don't think so but we CAN show them a better way. We can show them that Jesus loves each one of us more than we can fathom, and, by listening to their voice within, they, too, will find the source of deep longing to be with God at all times.

Now then, for me, today, the question is WHAT will I do with all the left over Halloween candy??? Maybe that's been the REAL reason why I've loved this holy day so much (especially when I had 4 little ones with bags full of candy they'd gotten in their rounds through our neighborhood!). This year, I think I'd better take it to the center to give to the clients and their children!

Happy All Saints' Day!