For what would you die?

I read a story once about a little girl who was martyred in China in the 1940's because she was caught receiving and adoring Our Lord. Communists soldiers had forced open a tabernacle and thrown all the Hosts on the floor and stomped on them. The little girl, who witnessed this desecration, found a way to sneak into the church, knelt and bowed, taking a Host into her mouth as her head reached the floor. She did this over the course of several days until, finally, she was discovered and shot to death. An imprisoned priest had witnessed all of it. To read the entire story, go to this link: http://www.americaneedsfatima.org/Articles/the-little-girl-who-inspired-archbishop-fulton-sheens-vow.html

It made me wonder. Would I die for Our Lord in this way, if I was given the opportunity? I think of this story whenever I receive Holy Communion and the priest gives me one of the pieces he broke off from the large Host. Inevitably, a crumb falls into my hand and I go to great lengths to make sure I consume it so that it won't fall to the floor. I once asked a priest friend about crumbs falling on the floor and he said Our Lord could take care of Himself if that happened. I took issue with such a cavalier attitude. Of course, the Lord can take care of Himself but what about our attention to Him, our reverence of Him? Should we really allow Him to fall on the floor, only to be trampled on? I cannot imagine doing that. Every particle is Our Lord, after all.

I pray that I would risk my life for the Lord, if called to do so, no matter what.

true love

"You shall love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the greatest and the first commandment. The second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. The whole law and the prophets depend on these two commandments." Matt 22:37-40

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What does it mean to truly love, by Jesus' definition? I've been pondering. To love God with all my heart, all my soul and all my mind leads to complete obedience to all of God's laws and more. I must obey, yes, but love is an act of will and means more than obedience. Obedience is the foundation; complete assent to doing God's will in everything is true love of God.

A friend of mine told me that she and her mother were talking about the concept of doing what one enjoys. They concluded that, if everyone did what God had written on their hearts to do, everyone would have exactly what is needed in life. I think that may be what God has in mind for the world. He gives each of us talents to be used and shared with others. By our using the talents He gives us, we can love God and we can love our neighbors. If all of us shared our talents with each other, it would be a beautiful world, indeed! I wish we could do a grand experiment. What if people started doing this, no holds barred, with no reservations or fear? Some people grow food, some people make beautiful music or art, some people are engineers, others are builders, nurses...the list is endless, really. Just think, if we all got together and shared what we do best, how marvelous it would be! It seems to me that no one would want for anything. I think this is what the Christian community in the Acts of the Apostles tried to do.

The problem is we can be selfish, fearful, prideful, ready to pick fights, unwilling to share and wanting to do what we want to do when we want to do it, regardless of the consequences at times. However, we can effect change in small positive ways. We don't really have to do any experiments on a large scale. We can be kind to one another. We can hone our talents and find ways to glorify God and help our neighbors by using them. We can love quietly.

My desire is to spend the rest of my life, seeking ways to love God and the people around me by sharing the talents God gave me to help build the kingdom of God and to help others (as well as myself) get to heaven. With the grace of God, I will.

lessons in compassion

I've been thinking about the times I have experienced or witnessed compassionate actions by people close to me. Those actions became mini-lessons on living according to God's will. They helped to shape me.

One of the first times I witnessed compassion, up close and personal, was when a close friend of my parents suffered postpartum depression and had to be hospitalized for 6 weeks. My parents took care of her infant daughter for those 6 weeks. (When she had to leave, I grieved. At the age of 9, I had a great love of babies.) I was touched by my parents' loving gesture. It wasn't easy taking in an infant when they already had 5 kids!

My father's daily ministering to patients in hospitals taught me to think outside of myself. His prayers for them became my prayers. I learned that people appreciate just 5 minutes of a stranger's time.

My sister's faith community surrounded her with loving gestures as she was dying--with nightly dinners for 10, for one thing--and taught me generosity. I'd never seen a whole community care for a family in the ways they did. Through that gargantuan effort, I learned that a small community can make a huge difference.

When I lost my job this year, people on the periphery of my life and people close to me brought their own unique kindnesses to me. Phone calls, letters, emails, breakfasts, lunches, dinners, snacks...home cooked meals, prayer support...all came my way in a most generous outpouring of love. From them, I learned how much I was loved. And, during that time, God showed me how to trust Him by the many piano students He sent my way. I will never again doubt that God will provide for my every need. Saying yes to Him is no longer a chore but a great joy. I know absolutely that He has my best interest at heart.

And, a couple weeks ago, a prominent person in pro-life circles here (and a dear friend of mine) met me at the front door of a banquet hall, took my hand and led me to our table, telling me she had a feeling that night would be difficult for me. (It was an event where I would most likely encounter the people who'd fired me.) She told me later that, as she sat at the table before I had arrived, MY guardian angel had prompted her to go find me at the door. My heart sang as she led me through the hall to our seat. She taught me that the best leaders are those who answer God's call for compassion and kindness.

These and other people showed me how to live the two great commandments Jesus gave us: to love God and to love others. Their actions have changed me in profound ways. Isn't it amazing the difference we can make in others' lives by seemingly small, loving gestures?

getting ready

Oooh, boy. The Catholic Church has revised Mass texts and we will begin using them the first week of Advent. We musicians are all agog, trying to convince our choirs that this is indeed a very good thing, as well as teach them new Mass parts. The verbiage in the Gloria, the Holy, Holy, Holy, the Memorial Acclamations AND the Lamb of God will all be changed. Along with all of this, we at St. Columba ordered new hymnals, replete with lots of hymns no one knows. There are many that are old favorites of mine. (I learned them, playing for other parishes.) Let's just hope my enthusiasm is contagious and the entire congregation will get on board! The thing is we musicians have it easy. It's the priests who will have to learn a lot more.

This takes me back to the time we went from Latin to the local languages. I remember it, even though I was pretty young when it happened. I remember thinking how wonderful it was to be able to understand what was being said at Mass, yet missing the beauty of Latin. (After all, we had missals in English to follow along when it was in Latin.) I was too young to really grasp the importance of it all.

Change does not come easy to us, does it? I've been feeling it lately. Over the past 9 months, my life completely changed. While I really enjoy what I am doing these days, I still feel discombobulated, as though it's all a dream. I work hard but it doesn't feel like work. I feel energized by each piano lesson I teach. Focusing on music is a great way to make a living! And yet here I am, stewing, wondering if it's going to last. Silly, huh? Nothing lasts forever so why spend time and energy, thinking about it. The thing to do is be present and revel in this very moment.

I resolve to be at peace and to bring joy, peace and love to the person who is before me right now. I won't worry about a year from now or even 10 minutes from now. Love this moment in the Lord. That's the ticket!

don't worry; be peaceful!

Phil 4:6-9
"Brothers and sisters:
Have no anxiety at all, but in everything,
by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving,
make your requests known to God.
Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding
will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brothers and sisters,
whatever is true, whatever is honorable,
whatever is just, whatever is pure,
whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious,
if there is any excellence
and if there is anything worthy of praise,
think about these things.
Keep on doing what you have learned and received
and heard and seen in me.
Then the God of peace will be with you."

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This was today's second reading. It gave me pause. No anxiety. Prayer and petition, and thanksgiving. Make my requests known to God. Peace. Focus on things that are true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, gracious. "Then the God of peace will be with you." Peace. It sure has taken me a long time to come to the point of living my life in peace and not carry on with great angst all the time.

We are meant to live our lives in peace. I have come to understand that, if we do not love God with our whole hearts, minds, bodies and souls, we will have no peace. So, let's just make it easy on ourselves and follow St. Paul's command here. Okay? C'mon, if you don't believe me, do a little experiment. Every time you find yourself worrying about something, stop and say to yourself that God loves you with a magnitude that will never stop and He will take care of your every need. And, then, ask our Lord to take the worry from you. I'd love to hear your report after you do this for a while!

Don't worry. Be happy. Remember that saying from years ago? That saying was onto something. In God's realm: don't worry, be peaceful!

May you have a blessed, peaceful week!

spending time with my grandson

Liam and I had planned on this day for 3 months, ever since his 5th birthday. Actually, I'd been looking forward to this day for all five of his years. Ever since he was born, I had dreamed of the day I'd be able to share with him my love of the theater. Today, I took him to the Children's Theater to see their production of Mercy Watson to the Rescue. As a birthday present, I gave him the book and bought the tickets when they were available a few weeks later. He had insisted on reading the book several times over the ensuing months' wait. One day, he told me he was wondering how in the world they'd make Mr. and Mrs. Watson's bed fall through the ceiling and how they'd make a pig talk. Today, we found out!

It was such fun, watching Liam's reaction to the play. He laughed at all the jokes, wondering out loud about different things. (I was hoping the people around us didn't care if he was louder than he should have been, given their kids were prone to the same thing at times.) To see it through his eyes made it immensely more fun than had I seen it without him.

For me, spending time with a child, especially either of my grandchildren, is one of the greatest blessings in my life. After both of them were born, I was with them from 6 AM to noon every day for 6 weeks while their mother recovered from cesarean sections. Ever since then, with the exception of the one week a year their extended family on their mother's side spends at their cabins together, I have had a "Nana play date" every week and often more than that. All of this has served to forge deep relationships among us. I'm their beloved "Nana" and they are my beloved "grands". I joke that now I know the reason I had children: to have grandchildren! Of course, it's not entirely true...I loved raising my children...but trust me when I say that having grandchildren is in a sphere all its own.

Today, as we walked the block to the theater from my car, Liam skipped along, stopping to pick up those little seedlings that children call helicopters. He wanted to show me how they fly through the air and insisted that I try a few. Then, he found a puddle in the middle of the sidewalk and there was no way he could walk around it. He said, "but, Nana, it was there in the middle of the sidewalk" when I asked him if he really had to walk through it instead of walking around it. (Of course, having raised a passel of kids myself, I knew he HAD to do it before he even did it!) Then, he wanted to know if I'd let him climb a short brick fence so he could walk along on it. Yes, I said. Did he want to hold my hand? (He did.) The thing for which I wasn't prepared happened as we walked back to the car. He asked if he could whisper something in my ear: "I have to go to the bathroom." Now, I'd asked him before the play began, I asked him at intermission, I asked him as we exited the theater. Each time I got a negative response. Now, all of a sudden, the kid had to gooooo! We got in the car, with me driving as fast as I could to a local gas station. No bathroom there! I drove as quickly as possible to a place where I knew there was a McDonald's because we'd talked about going for ice cream after the show. We made it and Liam told me he was glad I didn't speed because we could have had an accident if I had. Well, I thought, we--he--could have had an accident if I hadn't sped (just a little!), too! We both were grateful for each green light that we had passed through along the way! Ah, the adventures Nana can have when spending time with grandchildren!

As we sat outside the McDonald's eating our ice cream, a woman came up, trying to engage Liam in conversation. He was polite enough. I suppose I was, too, but I think we both deeply resented her intrusion. For just a little while, he and I, just the two of us, were in our own little world. It was a special time for both of us.

I will never understand how it is that some grandparents insist their grandchildren be aborted. Anyone ought to know that all grandchildren have to offer is pure joy!

a very good parable!

Ha! By giving this entry the title I did, here I am critiquing Jesus' parable about the landowner and his workers that we heard today. It seems like such audacity! However, it IS a good parable. It's one that makes us squirm because we've all been there, done that.

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Mt 20:1-16a
Jesus told his disciples this parable:
"The kingdom of heaven is like a landowner
who went out at dawn to hire laborers for his vineyard.
After agreeing with them for the usual daily wage,
he sent them into his vineyard.
Going out about nine o'clock,
the landowner saw others standing idle in the marketplace,
and he said to them, 'You too go into my vineyard,
and I will give you what is just.'
So they went off.
And he went out again around noon,
and around three o'clock, and did likewise.
Going out about five o'clock,
the landowner found others standing around, and said to them,
'Why do you stand here idle all day?'
They answered, 'Because no one has hired us.'
He said to them, 'You too go into my vineyard.'
When it was evening the owner of the vineyard said to his foreman,
'Summon the laborers and give them their pay,
beginning with the last and ending with the first.'
When those who had started about five o'clock came,
each received the usual daily wage.
So when the first came, they thought that they would receive more,
but each of them also got the usual wage.
And on receiving it they grumbled against the landowner, saying,
'These last ones worked only one hour,
and you have made them equal to us,
who bore the day's burden and the heat.'
He said to one of them in reply,
'My friend, I am not cheating you.
Did you not agree with me for the usual daily wage?
Take what is yours and go.
What if I wish to give this last one the same as you?
Or am I not free to do as I wish with my own money?
Are you envious because I am generous?'
Thus, the last will be first, and the first will be last."

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Haven't we all cried "foul!" when we thought we were getting the short end of the stick, while someone else seemed to be showered with gifts? Jealousy can definitely rear its ugly head! I love, love, love this parable. It shakes my thinking up in an uncomfortable, disconcerting way and makes me realize that God's ways are not always my ways, my thinking is not always aligned with His. Isn't it interesting that Jesus felt He had to speak this parable and now, years later, it's just as appropriate for us to hear as it was for His disciples to hear back then?

The thing is don't we, in our heart of hearts, really wish that everyone we know (including ourselves) will be in heaven one day? Sometimes it takes a long while for us to put into practice what Our Lord tells us to do. In some ways, it can become a lifelong learning curve.

I look at each of our lives as a process. Perfection can elude us for most of our lives, even when we very diligently work at it. I believe that, in heaven, everyone will be rejoicing with everyone else. It won't matter that some of us led entire lives of debauchery and sin, only to be given one final opportunity to come to the Truth at the very instant before our deaths so that we could repent. We will have arrived and it will be beautiful!

Back here on earth, it is a challenge for us not to be jealous. We want the best. We want to be first. That is not how God's generosity works. He is kind and merciful (and slow to anger, thank heavens!). We must not judge what we have or have not against what others have been given. What I've discovered is that God is waiting for us to love Him entirely. When we can do that, no matter how long it will take, heaven will await!

I, for one, am very thankful for the beauty around me. I am grateful for my gracious, generous God who is merciful and who loves me without end. I am also glad He gave me parables in which I can see my own shortcomings. These are little lessons that can polish my soul. Awesome!